>>28842

I've been had then.

>>28842
Or is this an impostor? Great, now we can't trust anyone.

Here's a sample of the new writing, critique the hell out of it.

The rest will be up later

“Okay you guys can come out now” It could have been a trick and in hindsight I would never have rushed out so recklessly again, but in this case it was worth it as me and Koushiro came face to face with Sora. I swear I could see tears in the little guys eyes as we hugged her. Then of course our eyes drifted to the small pink plant monster next to her.

“Let me guess,” Koushiro started “You're own personal little... whatever they are?” he asked, Sora nodded
“It-”
“She” the little plant thing was a mouthy one I'll tell you that.
“She,” Sora started glaring daggers into it... her, whatever “Says her name is Yokomon” I rolled my eyes and realized for the past minute and a half I had my arms tightly wrapped around my best friends, it seemed that I was a bit more shaken up by the experience than I cared to admit out loud.
“Anyway” I said as Koromon clung to my back, “We should probably find the others if there here. After we're all together we can figure out where the hell we are and what we can do to get back-”
“You're in the-” I reached my hand back and swatted Koromon.
“-home, where ever that is.” I concluded.

We didn't have to look far, the first encounter was Mimi and Jou who were both crying and having a panic attack over there respective situations. That is Mimi was currently suspended from a tree as her partner Tanamon tried to get her down without opposable thumbs or giving her a concussion. She never explained exactly how she got trapped but apparently her first instinct was to climb a tree to get away from what she perceived as a threat

Sora climbed up the tree with skill and precision as she pulled Mimi up and untangled her leg.

“I owe you one Sora,” she said as she slid down the tree and retrieved her cowboy hat, for no reason at all she turned her back to us and then tilted her hat forward and stuck a pose, he head half turned to us, “Still needs a little work I mean I don't have anything to hold while I'm doing it,” she said. I was becoming convinced we were all a little unhinged, as for Jou...

“GeditoffGeditoffGeditoffGeditoffGeditoffGeditoffoffoffoffoffOFF!” Not exactly the most dignified showing, but understandable. See his partner Pukamon was so happy to see him he just sorta latched onto his back and never let go. Now he latched onto Jou's blind spot so he couldn't see whatever was on him but he knew something was there. Mimi had heard him screaming and was trying to tell him when she fell from the branch and tangled her legs in the vine.

By comparison our hiding tree escapades were starting to look dignified, well we couldn't have that so we found Yamato and Takeru sitting down on some smooth rocks as they listened intently to there partners... okay Yamato listened intently, Takeru was playing around with his partner Tokomon and generally doing what a little kid should. I was actually kinda envious of the both of them, here we had panicked and thrown out half questions and answers but Yamato had held it together to get things straight with his and Takeru just accepted the whole thing and decided to have a blast.

So there we were sitting on smooth stones as our Partners lined up to face us.

“First question,” Jou asked having recovered his composure enough to represent us “What are you, and don't go shouting off your names we know that much, what is your collective species?” Jou definitely got through to the creatures, and Koromon hopped forward to represent them.

“We're Digimon, or rather everything is a Digimon here, except for the things that didn't evolve that far.”
Koushiro whispered in Sora's ear, “You have a pencil or something? I want to take notes on this” Sora glanced back at him.
“Koushiro we were playing in the snow when we came here I didn't have time to grab any stationary. Why don't you just use your laptop?” Koushiro waited all of 3 seconds before pulling out his laptop computer and hurriedly typing out notes.
“And were are we?” Jou continued.
“The Digital World.” several things happened then. I froze in confusion, Sora seemed to have a smile spreading on her face while Koushiro began writing a few paragraphs of speculation. Mimi looked concerned, and Yamato was holding Takeru close to him, Takeru to his credit took this in stride and didn't cry.

Jou didn't seem phased by what they said, after a few moments of silence he responded.
“How did we come here?” but before they could answer a familiar buzzing I had associated with fear had returned. It was then I noticed what I failed to before, the Digivice was heating up around my wrist as danger approached.
“We have to go now.” I said as Koushiro noticed the same thing and closed his laptop putting it away. Yamato looked at his wrist then at me, he didn't say anything but he gave me a slight nod which felt reassuring. Koushiro may agree with my decisions because he's my friend but Yamato was someone I had to earn the respect of.

We took off our Digimon leading the way, we ducked in and out of trees as the buzzing sound grew louder. I was at the head of the pack and turned my head slightly to see Sora urging Mimi on, Takeru riding on Yamato's shoulders as he forged ahead, Koushiro keeping a brisk pace as Jou was in the rear making sure no one fell behind.

I would like to say we were moving in strategic formation, but really we were just adhering to our personal traits and Jou would never leave someone behind. The old saying goes 'I don't have to be the fastest, just faster than the slowest guy' well in Jou's case he would rather futilely fight than leave someone behind.

We arrived at a cliff face just outside the forest as we slowed down. We were tired, running on the soccer pitch was one thing but dodging around tree's and natures bumps and ditches wore you out. Even in peak physical condition a 12 year old is still 12 and even then our guides weren't very good.

“A cliff face is the worst possible place we could be,” Yamato gasped as he let Takeru down, he looked to the rest of us “Do we have any sort of rope we could climb down, and even then we don't have a boat of any kind to brave the water which most likely leads off a waterfall. And worst of all-” he was cut off as Kuwagamon made a pass over us, Yamato flattened Takeru and Koushiro to the ground as Jou knocked Sora down. Mimi didn't need anyone to warn her and just dropped as did I. “Worst of all is we can't retreat.” Yamato shouted over the loud buzzing as Kuwagamon landed in front of us.

I described how the wave felt earlier, how it felt like my body was dying. I realized that the same thoughts were flying through my head now, that I was going to die and that this thing was going to kill me.

“Attack!” Tsunomon shouted, it was the first time I had heard the little guy speak and all of a sudden a wall of pink bubbles crashed on Kuwagamon, it was as effective as it sounded, and Koushiro shook his head “There is no way we can beat that thing...” Tokomon opened his jaw to reveal row after row of sharp teeth as he attempted to bite Kuwagamons leg but it was worthless as Kuwagamon beat his giant wings sending the Digimon flying back to us.

“You're done enough!” Mimi cried out, “You can save yourselves you don't have to keep fighting” but her pleas didn't stop them from hoisting themselves up and charging Kuwagamon again. Sora was standing transfixed at the battle as Yamato was searching for a way out.

“We have to win!” Jou shouted, “C'mon Pukamon, I'm not running away!”
“Tokomon! I wont lose you!”
“Tanemon! We have so much to talk about.”
“Yokomon! You and me can get stronger!”
“Motimon!”
“Koromon!”
“Tsunomon! You have to protect everyone.”
I wouldn't have an explanation as to how this worked until later but our Digivices began to glow as the Digimon were enveloped in eggs of light. I glanced at the device on my list while black letters pulsed softly on the screen.

Evolution.

In place of the assortment of underdeveloped and pink monsters was a yellow dinosaur, a dog beast, a plant monster, a golden hamster, a pink bird, a white seal creature and a red bug creature. Was that evolution?

“Taichi!” The yellow dinosaur shouted at me “I'm Agumon now” He tightened his clawed hand into a fist.

“I'm Gabumon, Yamato. And I'll protect everyone” the dog creature said as blue flames danced around his mouth.

The sink bird unleashed a spiral of green fires which struck one of Kuwagamons eyes as he thrashed around. “Sora, you can call me Piyomon.”

The white seal began striking at tree's with deadly looking claws, “Gomamon” he shot at Jou before going back to work. As one of the tree's fell a bullet of compressed air sent it flying into Kuwagamons face, the Golden hamster thing was flying “I'm Patamon, and Takeru I'll always be by your side” striking the burn at the eye the plant monster shot a smile back at Mimi “I'm-”
“Palmon I know it says on the screen” Mimi responded back as I looked to my digivice. Sure enough it had Agumon on the screen where evolution had been.

“Tentomon, can you fly?” Koushiro asked as he looked around the forest. Tentomon was the Red beetle I assumed as it nodded back at Koushiro and then took to the air unleashing an electric blast at Kuwagamons injured eye.


And here in lies our first problem. I can't write fights to save my life.

I can choreograph them, I understand the concept and tactics I can even visualize them. But come putting pen to paper something clicks inside me that makes them suck.

Oh yeah it gets kinda cluttered near the end when I'm trying to introduce all the rookies. I guess we COULD always forgoe the baby step, every other Digimon series did it for a reason.

Also do we sit down and describe each Digimon or just call them by name. People who will be reading this are going to be fans, they already know what these guys look like

>>29076

Like you said, since anyone reading this would already be a fan, I think its best to just call them by name.

Only skimmed it, but I'll have more in-depth feedback later. Just from the first skim through, there are a lot of punctuation problems.

>>29108
Don't be afraid to ream me a new asshole because I will never learn otherwise.

I too only skimmed, it, and it actually looks a lot better than the earlier stuff, but like the guy above me said, the grammar and punctuation have some pretty bad problems. Most of it just seems like problems with punctuation and such after a quote or someone's speech, inadvertently creating a run-on sentence of sorts in some places, like the following line:
[The old saying goes 'I don't have to be the fastest, just faster than the slowest guy' well in Jou's case he would rather futilely fight than leave someone behind.
]

There are also quite a few sentences that could benefit from extra commas or semicolons, or in some cases just splitting them up into multiple sentences.

As for whether or not we describe the Digimon, I actually think from a literary standpoint it's a better idea that we do rather than don't. In-universe, the characters would _want_ whoever they're describing their adventures to to understand what they're talking about, and it's beneficial to either fans who have forgotten things over the years, or even possibly new readers who may be attracted to the project.

I'm the same guy as >>28409, and like I said I have plenty of free time if any extra help is needed writing/editing/advertising, although I'm afraid I can't do a lot in the way of fight choreography either. I'll be watching, and I more or less put my e-mail in the field if anyone wants to contact me.

>>29143

Okay that was very helpful.

Anyone who wants to have a crack this is the fight in summation

~A whole bunch of futile attacks with the chosen children not really working together, they get smacked around a lot and do superficial damage (setting up the plot point in the next chapter that they are all injured).
~Jou and Koushiro managing to get everyone unified using Taichi (the brains are Jou and Koushiro there just using his charisma, which is how he starts the series, charismatic but no actual knowledge).
~Palmon restrains Kuwagamon as the fliers (Patamon, Tentomon and Piyomon) make life hell for him via dive bombing and the like. Kuwagamon can't fly becaus Palmon is secreting a poison from it's vines (it's called Poison Ivy, it's a logical jump) In the mean time Gomamon is smashing up tree's which fall onto Kuwagamon as Agumon and Gabumon set the tree's alight.

The fight ends with the chosen children attempting to escape, mostly by just plain old bombarding Kuwagamon with the 7 Digimon and by retreating down the cliff, with Palmon using her vines as ropes, and Gomamon summoning his fish.

The last one down is Jou (fits his personality, no man left behind) but Kuwagamon gets up (they are after all only recently evolved Child level digimon) and flys after them, they are saved by a ball of fire which caves Kuwagamons head in (fired from Leomon but THEY don't know that)

Also again asking. Should we forgoe the Baby/In-Training step as it's really cumbersome or keep it because it's truer to the original?

>>29154
I think we should keep the baby forms, like Tai, he's a lot less likely to freak if he wakes up to Koromon on his chest than Agumon bent over him staring.

As for the fight scenes, maybe Individual Will could do them, his fight scenes are quite good.

I got it!

I know how to introduce the demon lords early enough to develop them as characters during the Dark Masters story arc.

They are already awake, but since the Digital World still exists (even misshapen) they can't move on the Forest of the Gods.

During the Dark Masters arc the kids encounter them (separately, and none of them introducing themselves as a Demon Lord) each one trying to tempt there respective child (directly this time unlike what Chibi-Devimon did)

So Lucemon trys to make Taichi prideful and overconfident, Belphemon tries to make Yamato slothful and unable to assist his friends, Barbamon tries to make Koushiro greedy and hording, Lilithmon (even though she's fought by Hikari, she is supposed to be assigned to the Crest of Love, Sora) tries to make Sora desire everything. And so on and so forth.

Then when they finally destroy the Dark Masters, those 7 appear and utterly trash them allowing them to reformat the world themselves, choosing to remove the protection on the Forest of the Gods.

They head towards it so they can grow more powerful and break the barrier between the worlds.

Just FYI, I think you have a few trope names confused. You probably want "Berserk Button" and not "Knight Templar" on TK unless you all plan on subjecting him to some massive Flanderization.

>>29336
No it's Knight Templar, he wants to eradicate evil where ever he finds it. it's not flanderization it's just the evil isn't a slap on the wrist.

Tell me you've spent months on end as an 8 year old fighting demons, demons who have killed friends, demons who have tried to kill you and control your planet. He has no love for Nightmare Soldiers, his Digimon is based around the utter DESTRUCTION of Nightmare Soliders. A kid died when he wasn't there, not a digimon who was just going to come back. Ryo's death kicked all the chosen children in the nads, but especially Takeru because he's the one who's supposed to kill demons.

It is a character flaw that makes him an ineffective leader because he wants to kill them whenever they show up. a 'True' Knight Templar who utterly kills everything against the "Law" is what he fears becoming, and what his version of the dark world is, a perverse paradise where he reigns as king standing over the corpses of his enemies.

Here's the no.1 thing you have to remember, this isn't a transcription of the series into chapters, it is a re-write.

>a 'True' Knight Templar who utterly kills everything against the "Law" is what he fears becoming, and what his version of the dark world is, a perverse paradise where he reigns as king standing over the corpses of his enemies.
See, that's the thing. That's not really a Knight Templar then. A defining feature is to have no hesitation or doubt. If he's going to be afraid of becoming like that, he's not a Knight Templar. I'd still say you're better off with Berserk Button.

>>29348
We aren't going to be describing him as a Knight Templar or having a Berserk Button in story. Lets get SMT up in here.

Takeru is the Law hero before he goes batshit law crazy.

Tropers get pissy over the exact details of tropes

>>29384
Correction, Tropers get pissy when trope names are inaccurately applied.

I'm attempting to write the fight and I'll post it after I'm done, we'll decide then whether or not to proceed with me doing them or someone else trying there hand.

This re-write feels like it's begging for an Urasawa-style rendering.

>>29559
If Urasawa gave Digimon the Pluto treatment I would just die of joy.

If you can't get an artist to make a comic, have you ever considered trying to make this in the style of a light novel? Just have a few pictures depicting a few important scenes every chapter is a much smaller time commitment for an artist than a full-blown comic.

>>29693
Actually that's what I wanted to do, I just haven't been able to find a good enough artist.

Who is off the opinion of beginning a new topic that isn't quite so large and is more detailed?

Will Armor digivolution be in this re-write? I actually enjoyed that bit of season 2.

Also will you be using the card game's idea with allowing the ability to armor digivole with different eggs?

>>29818
Yes and Yes, only highlight these spoilers if you wanna be spoiled

For the most part the Digimon only have the armor evolutions they had in the show, but in the final battle against Ken the push the Digimentals to there limits allowing all 6 digimon to evolve with a single Digimental.

In the end all 8 of the Digimentals are broken and they form the Digimental of Miracles, which they again use so all 5 chosen can Armor evolve at once.

This is how were explaining armor evolution out to introduce normal evolution.

>>29834

Are you guys still looking for artists? I love drawing Digimon, I'm just terribad at coloring. If someone could help me with that, I'd be glad to help with fight scenes. I already have ideas for what a Vikemon Vs. Leviamon Fight would look like.

Also, will each Demon Lord have their own ulterior motives, or will they work together for the sake of the plot?

>>29851
Yes, send the art to my e-mail and I'll see how it is, I have a colorist.

As for the Demon Lords while they are all... technically working together, they are also demons. and demons like to betray one another.

>>29858
Uh no. Onmi don't go with that art if that's what he's submitting.

>>29858
Why does Hikari have Taichi's goggles?

Got linked to here from a thread on /a/ and after spending a few days reading everything up until >>29834 'cause it was the most recent post I like what I'm seeing.

I wouldn't mind being apart of this, but like Onmi, fight scenes aren't my forte.

>>29851

Here. That picture of Hikari WAS NOT drawn by me. I'm planning on doing 3 drawings that I will post later to show you all what I have in store.

One of Vikemon, because Vikemon is awesome
One of Ulforce V-dramon, because he's my favorite Digimon
and one of.. Well, I haven't really decided the last picture. Maybe Leomon?

Oh. My. God.

I just found this topic and powered through the thread in an afternoon. You Are Doing Very Important Work. I am so excited by this it is fairly embarrassing.

I'd like to contribute what I can to this project, which will probably be in editing. I shall be compelled to return here later on and contribute.

email address up in this

>>29883

can you do scenario drawings? if so I want one tried out.

this is spoilered for S2

The scene takes place atop an apartment building covered in fire, there are 3 characters, Shadramon, Fladramon and Daisuke.

Daisuke is standing along side Fladramon and they have both taken battle damage, burns, bleeding, they've been fighting for a few hours. Shadramon looks as banged up and is standing opposite of them

I realize this is a BIG ASS SCENE to draw and is one I wont mind you taking forever on or even if you don't want to draw something that big it's cool.

The story behind this scene is

Ken ripped one of Wormmons legs off and infused it with the residue power of the 8 Digimentals ordering it into the real world to kill the Chosen Children. It attacks Daisuke in class injuring some students and forcing Daisuke to make a break for it. instead of following Shadramon attacks more innocents making it so Daisuke will have to fight at a disadvantage. a long fight ensues in which we get to see the other armored digimon forms Wormmon has when Daisuke finally forces him to the roof of a vacated apartment building. They fight and it ends with Fladramon pinning Shadramon down and slamming his head blade repetitively into Shadramons body until it's dead.

so let me know if that's okay otherwise I can change the scene up to make it easier for you.

Maybe one that doesn't have so much going on.

>>29884
Awesome. once I finally slogged through the fight to the point I'm happy with it (almost there guys) I'll e-mail it to you.

>>29877
Don't know if I need my email address or not since I said I'd be happy to take part in this project.

I figure a play-by-post Digimon RP isn't the only way I can put my many hours on the Digimon Wiki to use.

>>29888
can you send me a sample of your writing?

>>29883
Could you maybe draw a good version of that pic?

A thought about describing the digimon and narrative voice in general.

Who is telling the story? To whom? Why?

If the Digidestined are telling this story to the public as a memoir after the end of both series, then would the public already know all about digimon? If so, there isn't much point in describing creatures that would be as commonplace as a turtle or a dog. If they're telling the story to someone who has no way of learning about digimon otherwise, then it makes sense to describe them.

Also, the narrator determines what details are included. Koushiro would describe things in detail in a way Tai might not think to. Koushiro, likewise, would be more likely to say "prodigious" than the others would.

Similarly, the characters will tell the story in different ways depending on how old they are when they tell it. Taichi sounds pretty broken up over those years he thinks Ryo is dead, and may have a unique outlook on his earlier adventures.

>>29934
Various. Taichi is telling the story to Daisuke, Koushiro is making an audio log, Yamato is trying to come up with inspiration for music, Jou is looking over his first experience with doctoring.

Or... something like that, to tell you the truth I didn't really have a justification for the First Person narrative, which I should have. So I'll have to give it some thought.

How about Jewelbeemon?

Wormmon > Stingmon > Jewelbeemon
Bug, bug and bug, instead of dinosaur-bug.

>>30067
We've been over this before. Jewelbeemon doesn't evolve into Imperialdramon and he specifically needs Imperialdramon

Any cameos from V-Tamer (Taichi, Zero,Gabo, Arkadimon), Digimon Next or D-Cyber?

What about the games?

I've been thinking- how does The Emperor clone Wormon to make Shadramon?
He goes to the ruins of Datamon's pyramid and fixes up the thing Datamon was cloning Biyomon with.

Also, I've thought that we should keep away from V-Tamer. Onmi, you mentioned that when the worlds merge, both Taichis become one. That just sounds like a bad idea, besides the mental breakdown, he would now have two digimon partners, and two love interests.

>>30089
If you're refering to games Ryo was in that's mentioned in the opening post.

>>30130

I knew it...

ANALOG MAN WAS BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG!! LOL

>>30124
Zeromaru would merge with Victory Greymon, the Love Interest thing... yeah I haven't thought it through. clearly.

>>30191
If Alias III are going to be in it during the crossover bit there's always Hideto for Rei.

He seemed to have more than friends feelings for her.

>>30191
Inter-character romance shouldn't be a big deal, so it should be easy to sweep away.

But fusion is a bad idea anyways, so yeah

>>30322
Or since I'm not bound by morality I could just have him say "I'll take em both I'm HARDCORE!"

>>30362
That'll just most likely make him look like an unlikeable womanizer. Harem type situations work best in comedy-based series. In more serious situations, it makes the love feel less real because of how much "one love" is branded in our perception of reality. (Not to imply free love and multiple partners is bad in real life of course; I'm just talking fiction tropes)

In any case, permanent fusion is almost always a bad idea. Either you lose a character, or you lose two characters to gain a new one. Such a dramatic change is incredibly hard to do effectively. For this reason, most works involving fusion always makes sure to make the fusion temporary, in which case it often becomes gain a new character without losing characters.

You have to be more careful and try to consider as many consequences as possible when making plot decisions. In all honesty, this whole thing is sounding a bit too haphazard.

>>30375
I was making a reference to the original ECW, Tommy Dreamer, upon discovering his girlfriend was having an affair with another woman uttered "I'll take em both I'm hardcore" which got the show thrown off the air