Greetings, fellow drawfags. I lurk but don't often post here. I was wondering if I could get some criticism on this stuff.Long story short: I draw, I write, but I've never done the two together. So I whipped up this stupid little short story to attempt just that. It's not the best thing I've ever done, but I'd like some feedback nonetheless. So critique any of it you want, but I'm mostly interested in what you think about how the story and action flows, how the pages and panels are laid out, etc.Thanks in advance.
End. Let me know what you think!
>>32031 Yeek. Not exactly a 'Spider-Man'-esque ending. On the writing front, rather than ending on essentially an accidental suicide pact, a stronger contrast more in tune with a 'heroic' desire would be preventing others from harm at the expense of your own life. Killing a foe in battle is more 'horror of war' conflict and less 'heroic overcoming' conflict.
>>32039Yeah, the initial idea was basically, "What if an amateur cape really, REALLY screwed up? How would that play out?" The hero guy wasn't really supposed to come off as heroic.
Two things that sprang to mind for me.1. Lose the comic sans. Seriously.2. Your art isn't bad, but it seems rather stiff. Practice drawing people in more exaggerated motions and poses, learn to convey a sense of motion. It took me three times of reading it over to realize he threw a flashbang at the robber.
>>32044Actually, I got that font from bancomicsans.com. It's called Odaballoon.http://bancomicsans.com/fonts_o.htm
>>32045I'd strongly recommend this font instead: http://www.dafont.com/komika-hands.font
>>32046I like it. I'll definitely grab it for next time. Thanks.
>>32045Oh, I just realized I fucked up that link.http://bancomicsans.com/fonts_o.html
>>32043 >The hero guy wasn't really supposed to come off as heroic.Well, you just need to be aware of the symbolism projected by your work, and try to make sure there isn't UNINTENTIONAL conflict. Which isn't to say you're supposed to predict what every reader will interpret.
>>32049I don't think I'm understanding you correctly. You pointed out the lack of heroism and that this was more of a "horror of war" situation. I agreed, stating that this was intentional--he wasn't supposed to be heroic. It was about him screwing up. What am I unintentionally conveying?Not trying to be difficult. I honestly am confused.