Endpiece? That you?

>>34038

Shit, I was thinking the exact same thing.

This actually looks a bit different than Endpiece's usual stuff though.

This looks pretty fantastic, guy, it looks like you have it pretty much down. Very expressive and energetic, I'd love to see this comic when it's done, since I absolutely love this style.

Why no name, Endpiece?
As always, your shite looks great. Nothing to say here, really.

Was it really that obvious?

Bump for feedback, constructive critique, etc.

>>34042

You gotta unique style, bro.

As far as actual imput goes, the designs don't look generic to me. Though, I think one of those sketches would work as some sort of facial mask (gas mask maybe?) for your little bunny lady there, since that's what it looked like to me at first glance

>>34044
>Though, I think one of those sketches would work as some sort of facial mask (gas mask maybe?) for your little bunny lady there, since that's what it looked like to me at first glance

When you say 'facial mask', do you mean like a fur pattern of sorts? Like pic related (if you imagine the pattern on their faces as a facial mask to wrap around other animals)?

The face is a problem - I'm trying to balance the features of the character so she's a mixture of rabbit and human. The trouble is doing that without turning her into a funny animal or furry. I'll have to think on it some more.

> short manga series.
...You're really gonna go with that, huh?

>>34046

I've got a foot in the door of a small-press studio. The catch:

http://www.sweatdrop.com/

>>34047
...Well that sucks!

>>34047 >>34048

Hmm, maybe not. A quick browse about through the member history and even the publishers mission statement suggets they ARE looking for unique twists on the admittedly locked-in-tradition manga style (of which every field of art has to some degree, pic related).

But given from what I can read off the groups makeup and outlook, you'll still find plenty of wiggle room in terms of personalizing the visual presentation and the story itself. Thankfully, sounds like you've got the latter down pat so far.

>>34049
>twists
>manga
I think what good ol' Piece has got here is a "Looks like Lupin III" gimmick.
They're not going to go for actual artistic integrity outright I think.

>>34050
>I think what good ol' Piece has got here is a "Looks like Lupin III" gimmick.

I knew there was something familiar about OP. The guy's a cross between Lupin and Ryoma Nagare.

>>34050 >>34051

Right, but you ALSO could tell this was done by Endpiece. Thats the artistic twist I refering to. The storytelling twists, thankfully, speak for themselves.

But yeah, the character similarities are gonna be there. Manga is still held in the trap of Japanese culture's historical reverence, which often mirrors the West's "Hey Lets Do What Worked Before When Those Other Guys Did It", but sans the reasoning for it.

I hate to use the word tropes or memes, but the presented personalties those past characters represent are also a good reason WHY Japan keeps doing this: It's cultural knowledge. "Oh, hey, he's like <X>, he'll have <X> personality, I identify this."

>>34049

I am so happy a few of mine got in on that.

Erm, anyhow, a cursory glance on that site leads me to believe one thing: Endpiece's schtick is that he's easily one of the better, if not best, artist signed on to that company.

While I can see the Monkey Punch influence, it really resembles more of that Cyborg 009 guy's work, but even then, wholly different from either of them.

At the very least, it looks like something that'll be visually interesting.

>>34037
I'm digging the retro-manga/Tezuka look. There really should be more of that.

>>34047
I know Sweatdrop! If you can get this off the ground through them, I would buy it!

>>34044>>34045
Facial mask: I guess anon means an actual mask/face covering thing, rather than face/skin colour patterns.

The typical Anime/Manga animal-girl is basically a human with animal ears (and tail) - barely 10% on the Furry scale. See: Darkstalkers' Felicia, Strike Witches (Kemonomimi = "animal ears"). The sketch in the bottom right is spot on.

So maybe she first appears wearing a mask/helmet that makes her look like Bugs Bunny until she takes it off?

>>34044
The middle sketch: can we see what she would look like with a rounded hairstyle that resembles a cartoon rabbit's puffy cheeks? (or would that be the one next to those on the main pic?)

>Still need names for these guys, though.
Guy:
-Ezra
-Mach
-Surge
-Cannavaro
-Giovanni
-MonCarlo

Girl:
-Coniglia
-Lapinne
-Coehla
-Konijn
Or, in case you're going for a more japanese sounding name, yet still being European,
-Kaninchen

...It all depends on what you're going for, obviously.
These are all just suggestions.

>>34045
I meant as in an actual gas mask

>>34058
>The middle sketch: can we see what she would look like with a rounded hairstyle that resembles a cartoon rabbit's puffy cheeks? (or would that be the one next to those on the main pic?)

Pretty much. I could change the tone a bit and the eyes are kind of 'off', but that's the general idea. A better artist than I could probably pull it off.

>>34060
>These are all just suggestions.

Those are all pretty good... I generally end up relying on puns or foreign-translation mondegreens, haha.

>>34061
>I meant as in an actual gas mask

Interesting. It could make her look really intimidating and scary to the felon (and the reader) too... until she takes it off. Yes, I like that idea.

I'm going to rough out the first chapter, so I'll update when that's ready.

>>34060
>Ezra
i<3u
Moar:
-Damon
-Vincent
-Vasqe
-Ronaldo
-Marquez

-Vela
-Thena
-Theene
-Astran
-C'ronna

...Maybe? Like the other, these are suggestions.

>>34060
>-Lapinne

Sexy French bunnygirl, yes please

Some content courtesy of the always-awesome Maggiekarp! It turns out a decent artist CAN pull off the hair/cheek thing!

>>34100

>>34101

>>34102

>>34103

>>34104

I forgot Maggie was still rocking the hair/cheek thing. Whoops! Let's give her a round of applause, folks.

>>34105

She also drew this. I laughed hard.

The dual pompadours look is fun to draw but tends to be really inconsistent. I like the hairstyle that you've got on her right now, but it is more cat-like than rabbit-like. I'm gonna thumb through some Black Jack for ideas, see if that helps any.

(note: I finally looked at this thread good luck man you're doing awesome)

>>34110
Curling the hair (especially inward) helps the cheeks look considerably.

I think you're gonna have a lot of fanart of this when it gets out.

Wow. Barely an idea still, and it's got content already.
I'm liking this.

So, do the mates have names yet?
You taking any of mine or the other tossr's?

>>34139

I like Giovanni and Lapinne. With Lapinne I can give the girl a French accent like >>34070 said. Lapin sounded nice but Lapinne had the feminine suffix. With Giovanni... it's a good name, it shortens to Gianni and Gio... if someone wanted to take the piss they could call him GioGio or Joedeejoe. I bet Lapinne would do that, call him Joedeejoe and he'd be like "Cut that out!".

I read up to see if there was a Giovanni di Giovanni because I thought that'd be enjoyably redundant - and there was! And he was executed for sodomy in his teen years! I knew then what my felon's name would be.

I suddenly had this idea of a pompous family of space bourgeoisie and a son going renegade, doing space crimes like 'galactic piracy' and 'solar assault' which is when you kick someone in the ribs and collecting nicknames like medals - Mort Deadman, Nightmare Redcoat, Eric, etc. Hopefully when I finish this draft he'll turn out to be a right bastard.

>>34144
Ah, well. Nice name for the girl.
The guy? I was expecting something along the lines of C'E CANNAVARO.
But hey. Gio is a good footballer, too.

So, how about an origin for good ol' Lapinne's earjob?
I was thinking something along the lines of her being a synthetic. A brand new kind, more like a human than ever before and all that. The tech being new and all, the companies that manufacture the synths wanted to give them "cute animal" appearances as to make the buyers/whomever they were for warm up to them easily.
She's blind in one eye because of a cable that got pulled in her head for... whatever reason. A bump? A car crash?
She's gonna get it repaired, when Gio (He looks more like a Marquez to me, personally) comes in and shoots the place up, since he's followed by some security guards/cops or sumfink.
So, either he takes her with him, against her will then and there... Or, she tracks him down.

...That's my input. I think of shite on my spare time.

>>34053

I agree with Baron, if I was to compare it to anything it'd be the art styles of 009.

I'd read it.

>>34146
>So, how about an origin for good ol' Lapinne's earjob?

She's a bunnygirl. Like, 10% bunny. I've got the backstory for it all written up - the girl, the planet, the guy, etc. Just a case of finishing the first draft, then I'll email some writers asking for their feedback. After that, revisions and drawing.

>>34151
I've been on the UK self-publishing circuit for a few years now. I can't give advice for writing long-form stories, since most of my work is short strips, but I can give advice on the actual putting together of a printed comic.

Are you on the Sweatdrop forum? There's places to ask for advice there too, especially if you'll be working with them.

When were you planning on having the first issue completed? Setting a deadline helps a lot - pick a convention and aim for that.

>>34151
Ah. Alright.
Still, I'll probably use that for a story I thought up.

But if you ever need to stoop as low as to take from a shitty plot I made, by all means, do so.
I'll prob'ly never use it myself.

>>34153
>I've been on the UK self-publishing circuit for a few years now. I can't give advice for writing long-form stories, since most of my work is short strips, but I can give advice on the actual putting together of a printed comic.

Gratz! Do you have an email address so I can keep in contact?

>Are you on the Sweatdrop forum? There's places to ask for advice there too, especially if you'll be working with them.

I'm on there as StevenM. Response seems positive so far.

>When were you planning on having the first issue completed? Setting a deadline helps a lot - pick a convention and aim for that.

The first chapter should be 51 pages, with the rest being 17 pages each. So it should be 10 chapters altogether - Act 1 is 51 pages, Act 2 is 102, and Act 3 should be 51. I'll try and have Act 1 and half of Act 2 inked and printed by the London Expo (30th October).

PM'ed thru Sweatdrop.

Is 51/17 just the story pages or do those numbers include Front/Back/Inside covers? Remember the total page count, including covers, needs to be a multiple of 4.

A 20 page comic would be the 17 page story + Front cover + Back cover + Inside (front) cover.

For 51 pages, the next size would be a comic with 52 or 56 total pages.

Usually, the inside front cover would have an introduction/story recap/credits/other information. Sometimes the inside back cover might have similar back matter too, but can also include story pages.

I would strongly advise against having the final page of the chapter appear on the back cover. One time, I read a comic where the last page, including the TWIST ENDING, was on the back cover! It's only a miracle that I hadn't flipped it over while browsing and spoilered myself before even reading it.

Also, be aware of how the pages will break down, with regard to double page spreads and page-turning cliffhangers. Assuming the story will start on page 3, the first pair of pages will be pg 4-5, then 6-7 etc. In general, I would avoid starting a new scene in the middle of a pair of pages, but this might not always be applicable.

>>34164
>Is 51/17 just the story pages or do those numbers include Front/Back/Inside covers?

Just the story pages. As long as I can get the page number to a multiple of 4 (e.g 204 for all three acts) then it should be fine for printing. That said I'll need a page for the publication details (probably inside front cover), a page for the table of contents, and at least one page advertising other Sweatdrop comics (that's one of their stipulations). If I have to split it up and there's pages left over I'll fill them up somehow. There will be printing mistakes - this is inevitable.

>I would strongly advise against having the final page of the chapter appear on the back cover.

Well, yeah. That's just asking for trouble. I figure there should be a few pages between the last story page and the back cover, for advertisements or "Next Time on..." or such. The big concern is getting the story pages done first.

>Also, be aware of how the pages will break down, with regard to double page spreads and page-turning cliffhangers.

I'm doing this stuff in Manga Studio which is surprisingly helpful for this kind of page/story layout.

>In general, I would avoid starting a new scene in the middle of a pair of pages, but this might not always be applicable.

I could always have the left page being the last of a chapter and the right page simply stating the name of the next chapter. Most manga seem to have the chapter title and a picture before the next page (left page again) kickstarts the chapter off proper.

I think I'm a bit confused - is the plan to print Act 1 as a single 51+ page book or as 3 seperate 20 page comics (one 17 page chapter each)??

Right, I'd better leave you to it, all of which has reminded me I have a lot of my own stuff I should be getting on with too.

>>34166
>I think I'm a bit confused - is the plan to print Act 1 as a single 51+ page book or as 3 seperate 20 page comics (one 17 page chapter each)??

Single book at minimum. If I have enough time I'll release Act 1 and the first half of Act 2 as the first book, and the second half of Act 2 and Act 3 as the second book. That's if I have enough time - it may well end up being three books.

I've finished the first draft of the treatment, storyline and all. You should have a PM in your inbox. I'm going to find some other writefags so I can get feedback on the treatment too.

>>34165
Would you mind if we read through scans? Y'know, those of us who don't have financial resources as to support our comrades?

>>34207
>Would you mind if we read through scans? Y'know, those of us who don't have financial resources as to support our comrades?

I don't really mind - it's free publicity. I figure when the first chapter's finished I'll upload it online, though the other two chapters will be in book form only. Actually, maybe you guys can help out - if I upload the layout pages then the viewers can give feedback so I can fix things or rearrange it for the books (although some of the comments will have to be taken with a pinch of salt, some fans are overzealous and some Anons will just wail on me for whatever reason).

Or you can wait until someone buys the books and uploads the scans to /rs/, either works.

I REALLY like the old-school Tezuka style you're using. It's nice to see a manga styled comic (or hell, just a comicbook in general) use that old Astro Boy look.

If you need any critiquing on the writing I could always give a half-hearted review. I can't honestly type out a point by point process explaining where your faults are and how you can improve them. But I can give you an honest opinion.

>>34226
The mate already said he's going to professionals, or semi-professionals for advice on writing.
And though I don't want to speak for Endpiece, rather common sense and logic, I do think your offer is generous and kind. But unecessary.

I'm slobbering all over that glorious Ishonomori/Tezuka/Punch-inspired style, its great to see someone in this day and age borrow elements from them.
Are you familiar with the mangaka Mine Yoshizaki btw?

I'm pretty sure my local Forbidden Planet stocks Sweatdrop's stuff, so I'll definitely pick it up if all goes well for you.

I kind of feel guilty throwing this out to you guys because it IS just the storyboarding after all - but it's easier to get feedback now and change shit around then to ask for feedback later when all the inking and toning is finished.

>>34226
>If you need any critiquing on the writing I could always give a half-hearted review. I can't honestly type out a point by point process explaining where your faults are and how you can improve them. But I can give you an honest opinion.

Feel free to hit me up via email if you want.

>>34235
>Are you familiar with the mangaka Mine Yoshizaki btw?

Author of Keroro Gunso, right? Would you recommend any other works by him?

>>34259
Thass right. Haven't read anything else of his tbh, just some of your sketches reminded me of how he draws girls...

>>34259
Oh you finally got the site up

>>34259
First off, gotta say, I love it so far. The characters seem already established into a personality they could grow from, I liked the Star Fox reference (in case Captain -Bill- Grey was one) and you seem to be used to this style as if you were born into it, rather than it feeling forced.

The art's got good flow (see: Penny Arcade. No flow, see: CAD) and it feels like you really have an understanding of drawing and stylizing anatomy.
In case you already knew that, it shows.

...Just... the name. Gio. Gee-owe. Throws me off a tad when I hear the characters saying it.
In an accent other than romance, I can hear it fine. But... I dunno.

Specifics:
Page 11
You might want to give Gio some room there. You can see his body language fine there in the planning stage. But once it's printed we're just going to see his torso, head and part of his hand. So it might be a tad jarring and confusing.
...And what's up with that white panel?

Page 12
I'd rather not have a characters expression shown in a speech bubble. It's better than a vain or a sweatdrop. And I'm aware that it's a "manga." But I was wondering if it really has to go towards the specific formula for expression of it.

And I suppose that, just like Lapinne, you've thought up an explanation as to why some of these are animals and some aren't.

But yeah. Looking solid.

>>34265
>...Just... the name. Gio. Gee-owe. Throws me off a tad when I hear the characters saying it.

It does sound pretty 'off'. At first I was going to have them go with 'bro' instead, and then I realised I hate that word. If it comes down to it I'll just give him a different name that works better (Giannni? Johnny?) or just change it completely.

>You might want to give Gio some room there. You can see his body language fine there in the planning stage. But once it's printed we're just going to see his torso, head and part of his hand. So it might be a tad jarring and confusing.

I'll probably shrink him down in the final print, but I don't really need most of the arm in that shot, just the hand. Drawing stuff outside the panels is sometimes necessary just so I know I've the limbs or machinery or whatever down right.

>...And what's up with that white panel?

I couldn't think of anything to fill it with! I wanted there to be some awkward silence on the ship, so I dunno. I'll draw in another shot of Canna.

>I'd rather not have a characters expression shown in a speech bubble. It's better than a vain or a sweatdrop. And I'm aware that it's a "manga." But I was wondering if it really has to go towards the specific formula for expression of it.

...I wasn't aware it was a manga trope, I just thought it'd be nice to do the speech bubble a bit different. As for veins and sweats, I'll try and avoid over-doing it in future.

>And I suppose that, just like Lapinne, you've thought up an explanation as to why some of these are animals and some aren't.

There are rumours of ancient records - paper so old it needs to locked in a special Voglerbond seal to prevent further decay - that describe how human scientists experiemented with their own DNA and animals on their own planet. Most of them were failures. Eventually, "scandal rocked the scientific community when one of the off-world colonies created a mutant cross between a human and a chicken, that died in minutes - but not before laying an egg. The World Government was outraged." You'd think that would be the end of it, except they say that was only the start. Why would they feel the need to do all this? Who knows. Curiosity, the urge to play God, the urge to rally extra numbers to fight some alien threat... they're not telling us anything more and frankly I don't believe them anyway. I mean come, anyone could fabricate a record like that. They're saying these papers were stamped with dates like '2099'? 2099 PB? Yeah, it's so ancient it's like 20 years into the future!

>'They'?

...alright, me. Well, they weren't just going to let anyone look at these records, were they? Had to get the inside scoop. Still think it's rubbish. All I know is I live in a world where dogmen walk the same path as dogs on collars and some cows choose steak as a career path. Boggles the mind! 80 years ago there were people trying to kill all the anthros in the galaxy! Now the most we've got is hippies and racism.

>And the Giovanni family.

That's why I left, didn't I? Hey, Canna. What were they after, anyway? The renegades?

>Rabbits mostly, I think.

All I have to say is you could do a lot better than Sweatdrop.

>>34269
>As for veins and sweats, I'll try and avoid over-doing it in future.
Over-doing it being the keyword. You're doing great so far.

>>34270
>All I have to say is you could do a lot better than Sweatdrop.

In terms of small-press British publishing, would you happen to have any other suggestions? Not that I'd break away so early into the project but it'll just be something to consider when this book is finished.

>>34269
>It does sound pretty 'off'.

Ah, well. In case you're looking for another italian name.
...Fabio.
...There's also my suggestions.

>>34278
And in case you're conflicted about the design, go with the first. Feels more sci-fi.
...You could replace the crown, though.

>>34281
>...Fabio.

Gotta say I'm not keen on that name. Vincent, maybe. I'm stuck on Johnny Giovanni. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd get everyone to call him Jojo. I dunno, I generally suck at naming characters - it's either foreign wordplay or just puns.

>And in case you're conflicted about the design, go with the first. Feels more sci-fi.

I actually thought the first design didn't look 'princessy' enough. Might stick with it, though. She doesn't have to have the same hairstyle all the time. As for the crown... yeah, that's temporary.

>>34282
> it's either foreign wordplay or just puns.
"PIRATE" SOUNDS THE SAME IN EVERY LANGUAGE FUUUUUUUU

I dunno. He looks like a Marquez to me. I dunno. Maybe he doesn't have a name. He makes 'em up to fit the situation.
He always goes with "Marquez" with the authorities to sound royale thief and all that shite

He's ever really known as just "Gio." As he's rarely called. And even he doesn't know what it's short for, him being a bit of a tosser with his stubborness on keeping it mysterious and all.

Or I dunno.
Damon Marquez sounds good.
...Zachiel? Zachiel Marquez? Sounds extravagant, but shortened to the more real-sounding Zach. Zach Marq.

's up to you.

> She doesn't have to have the same hairstyle all the time.
Fuck yeah, man. You could really work that. Lampshade it and everything. The princess who has to keep her public image fresh every appearance or someshite like that.

>>34283
(Or I dunno. You could go with Cannavaro. C'e Cannavaro/Ce Capitano and all that. I mean, I assume "Gio" captains his ship. Could be an injoke for us footballfags.)

>>34278
The one on the left looks sort of tomboyish - sort of "Princess Knight/Ribon no Kishi". How 'girly' is the princess supposed to be? If 'very', try the design on the right with a longer skirt.


Layouts - looks good so far, reads clearly. Not sure about the blank panel on page 11 - perhaps a longshot of the sharkship isolated in space? As Free Glass stated, beware of having the characters getting obscured by the panel borders.


As for Sweatdrop, they do attend a lot of events with a big table full of their titles, so they would take on board a lot of the business of actually selling it. Otherwise you'd have to think about getting a convention table for yourself.

I kinda liked the Mach suggestion from >>34060. People would call him Mac, and he'd get pissed off.

Got about 38 pages of layout sorted out. I'll upload all 51 pages onto the website when they're done, rather than dripfeeding pages since that's pretty cruel.

In the meantime I'm considering revising the character designs. Lapinne's fine, it's Gianni and Canna I'm concerned about. Gianni in particular needs some sorting out - some people said he looked more like a fan character than an original. I'm going with some mummy/skeleton inspiration for a future plot point.

Also, revisions of another design for another project. I'm digging the Teenage Robot artstyle, particular Yoshinari's fanart of the same.

Changed the design again. This is why it's a bad idea for your father to have an affair with your mother's shadow.

By the way, can any of you guys help me think of a name for a lobster/pistol shrimp/generally crustacean-themed superheroine?

>>34699
Chitin Titan.

>>34699

If you made her a villain, you could call her Lobster Mobster.

Just throwin' that out there.

>>34728
>If you made her a villain, you could call her Lobster Mobster.

In the story everyone thinks she is a villain, when the truth is she made a bad first impression on another superheroine - one who does bent deals with bad guys. The press will sink her stillborn reputation for it and trying to salvage her good name will be her motivation for half the story.

>>34723

I've looked up the word Chitin and I love it. I can imagine a lot of people reading and mispronouncing it as 'Shittin', too, which won't help things much.

>>34723
>>34728
Well, my job's been done for me.

>>34598
Have you considered giving the bloke some animal attributes? I dunno, something minor. Like shark teeth, or cat-eyes or whatever?

Also, (I dunno, again. I never know) the reason it might seem it's fan-like might be due to the lack of any apparent flaw or visual disadvantage. Not something like a scar across the face or a robotic hand, but more like... fuck. I really don't know anymore.
Just putting what I do know out there.

>>34740
>Have you considered giving the bloke some animal attributes? I dunno, something minor. Like shark teeth, or cat-eyes or whatever?
>Also, (I dunno, again. I never know) the reason it might seem it's fan-like might be due to the lack of any apparent flaw or visual disadvantage.

I thought about the anthro thing at first, giving the guy a shade of animal extract for irony's sake - possibly make him resemble a shark, like his spaceship. But then I started researching Italian fashion instead (for the jacket mainly, getting inspired by JJBA), and getting into Italian Egyptians and from there Italian mummies. So then I thought that could be the 'something' he needed. Beforehand his arms were bandaged up because they just were, now he's wrapped up like a mummy and as you can see from the design he doesn't have much of a torso to him (that's his spine wrapped up, leaving the inside of his jacket). That helps somewhat with the silhouette, too - there's a bunch of guys in jackets like Dio or Dick Dastardly, but very few have half a chest. And from there I started brainstorming on why he'd be partially mummified, which is where I started working on his backstory (conception, being the black sheep of his family, his departure/exile, etc).

TL;DR I think I've got it sussed.

>>34741
Well, you did right by mummifying him a tad. Helps out with the silhouette, so it's good. Though the lack of the initial artistic influence in the third sort of tones down the visual appeal for it.

Maybe combine the first and second in different aspects?

>>34742
> Though the lack of the initial artistic influence in the third sort of tones down the visual appeal for it.

Yeah, I felt the third design was a bit 'Hanna-Barbera' like. The problem was when I tried redrawing it more Ishinomori-style it ended up goofy and weird-looking for some reason - it just seemed to work better with the leener proportions. I'll have another go at it eventually.