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PRRRROMOTIONS of a Queer Sort

 Posting a reply to post #12843
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File: 125031573540.jpg-(75.05KB, 799x691, ohshit-1.jpg)
12843 No.12843
Title: Sweet talk
Author: Soraya
Rating: Adults Only (NC-17)
Genre: Slash, First Time
Pairing: Harry/Perry
Disclaimer: Not mine, Shane Black and others own Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Warnings: Contains descriptions of male/male sexual activity

----

Before we get started, I need to get one thing straight: this is all Perry's fault.

You're surprised, I can tell. Which kind of hurts my feelings and shit, but guess what: I'll get over it! I'm used to being underestimated. Perry does it all the time, along with the swearing and the shouting and that incredibly gay nose-tapping thing that kind of reminds me of my niece Chloe.

Okay, see what I did there? How I slipped in the thing about Perry swearing without making it seem like a total non sequitur? That part's important; you'll find out why in a minute; but for the purposes me narrating here, let's just say that Perry swears a lot when he's mad.

Which he kind of is right now.

He's doing all the usual angry-Perry things: the swearing, the shouting, the heavy breathing in my ear. And it's not like I go out of my way to make him mad. Perry's an angry guy; that's just who he is. He complains no matter what I do.

But, Jesus, who knew there would be side effects? I certainly didn't! I really didn't! And that's the real reason I'm in this mess.

Let me back up a little and explain.

~~~

Perry had some huge case in San Diego, so he left me in L.A. with a long list of instructions on how not to fuck up his life while he was away.

There was the part where he snapped, "Of course not, idiot," when I asked him if I could go too. Then he said, "Don't call me, don't take on any new clients and for Christ's sake try not to get yourself shot," right before he walked out the door.

~~~

I remember the whole thing like it happened yesterday. Possibly because it did happen yesterday? Whatever.

Today was all about the 'no'. No cases, no detecting, just me and all the crap Perry didn't want me to do.

Not that I'm complaining or anything, because I'm not. Only a crazy person complains about being paid not to do stuff. It's just: before I came to L.A. I was a respectable thief. I had prospects; I was going places, and not all of them involved maximum security.

Now things have changed. Hell, I've changed! And I know L.A. kind of does that to people. Unless you were born here or something, in which case you were just genetically predisposed to be fucked up from birth. But, see, that's the problem right there: things are so fucking far from normal for me that I'm not sure who I am any more. Every day now I do things I don't understand. I pay my taxes; I'm registered to vote; I eat so much 'organic' that when I take a shit, it's more or less free-range.

But, apparently, none of that counts with Perry! Oh no, in his incredibly gay world, I'm still not good enough to do the laundry or touch his car or buy groceries from the store around the block. And you know what: that's bullshit. Because I am good enough, and I can prove it, even if it means going up against the toughest gay guy I know.

Fine, Perry's the only gay guy I know. My point is: the best way to get Perry to admit he's wrong is to show him exactly how much he needs me.

Right?

Expand all images
No.12844
>>12843
So I decided to ignore Perry's list and I did the laundry anyway. It took me all of ten minutes to throw his whites in with my colours. Then I took his car to the car wash, where I may have accidentally left the windows open. In the afternoon, I ordered in Chinese because, as brave as I was, I wasn't crazy enough to cook in Perry's kitchen without permission. After that, I got bored.

So bored not even the thought of messing with Perry's precious DVD collection could get me excited.

And then it hit me: what did the average red-blooded American guy do when his boss went out of town and left him alone in the office?

~~~

So this next part probably seems a little weird. But like I said, I was bored, okay? Sue me!

Like you've never jerked off at work before.

***

Anyway, that seemed like a good idea. Until I got a better one: I was going to do it in the big red chair Perry got for Christmas.

Kinky, huh? I thought so too! I mean, Perry loves that chair. He's always all: do not touch my fucking chair, take your feet off my fucking chair, get the fuck away from my fucking chair. You get the picture!

Also, notice how often he says *fuck* about that chair?

You can see now how this is all his fault. I mean, if he didn't say *fuck* about his chair the whole time, I would never have got the idea in the first place.

~~~

So I sat in Perry's Christmas chair, then I put my feet up on his desk. And there I was a few minutes later—giving little Harry the kind of hard, slow stroke that made my stomach shiver with pleasure—when all of a sudden the phone started ringing.

Now, no way was I picking that up.

Why would I? I wasn't supposed to be in Perry's office; I was supposed to be out front watching paint dry or some bullshit. Also, Perry had this nasty habit of checking up on me since that one time he caught me goofing off on the job. I knew the guy had some serious trust issues, but—whatever! At this point, only an idiot would have picked up. And since I wasn't an idiot, I absolutely did not pick up the phone.

Except I did.

***

Perry said, "What are you doing, Harry?"

I went: "Huh?"

Perry's voice got louder and angrier. Literally, it felt like he was right there breathing down my neck, snarling: "Did I not say that in English? I asked you what you were doing in my office!"

I nearly dropped the phone right then, because hearing him talk like that made my cock twitch so hard I thought I was going to come. But I knew Perry; if I hung up on him, he would find some way to be over here in ten minutes flat. So I said, "Oh, hey, Perry! Nothing at all! I mean, I thought I might have dropped something in here, but no, not a thing," trying to be smooth about it.

Perry responded with a huge sigh. "What did I tell you? Didn't I tell you not to go into my office under any circumstances? What else have you done? Did you touch my car?"

"No, of course not," I lied, thinking about the thing at the car wash, then the laundry and the half-eaten Mu Shu pork sitting in the sink. There was no point telling the truth; it would just have upset him. Sometimes, lying to Perry was a whole lot easier, especially when my cock kept throbbing and dripping, making me shiver from head to toe, taking me nearer the edge with each slide through my fist.

Unfortunately, Perry knew me far too well for that. He knew all my guilty faces; more importantly, he knew my guilty voice. Right now, that voice was screaming: 'Oh, man, are you busted, Harry! You are totally fucking busted!' So, of course, somehow Perry heard it.

"Harry," he said in a threatening tone. "You'd better not be jerking off on my time, you son of a bitch!"

For once, I kept my mouth shut. I had to, in case he called me on that too. But no way was I stopping now, even though it was a little weird to jerk off with Perry yelling down the phone at me. God, I wasn't sure I could, even if I wanted to, because something about Perry's voice was driving me crazy, and I was so turned on now I could feel myself shaking.

"Hey, Perry," I whispered when he shut up for a moment and started breathing in my ear like some incredibly hot porn star. "Look, do you think you could run that by me one more time?"

"What?"

"Well, I must have lost the piece of paper I was writing it on, and—"

"Jesus! Are you even listening to me?"

I could feel it start then, in the way my toes curled and my back arched, and no matter how much I slowed down my strokes, I knew I wouldn't last much longer. "Perry," I gasped, "just—oh God, please—" because it was too good, and too soon, and I didn't want it to be over just yet.

But Perry snapped, "What the hell is the matter with you? Are you insane? One of these days, I swear I will fuck you like the gigantic pain in the ass you are!"

And that was it for me. All I could do was sit there trembling in Perry's chair, feeling my hips jerk and stutter as the pleasure rolled right through me. I might have lost consciousness for a moment; either way, I definitely saw stars. And in the end, I slumped back down, utterly wrecked, trying not to sound like I'd just come all over myself.

***

"Perry?" I croaked a few minutes later. "Perry, you still there?"

I had to swallow several times after that because, suddenly, my throat felt incredibly raw. It felt like I'd been screaming, which I did sometimes when it was really good. And, fuck, I hoped to Christ I hadn't just screamed.

On the other end, the line went *click*.

~~~

You know that thing I mentioned earlier about Perry being home in ten minutes?

Well, he made it in four. Luckily, I'd cleaned up most of the evidence by then. But one thing that never goes away is: Perry's a 'private eye'. A very gay 'private eye'.

Once again, I've got to ask the question: are all gay guys come-bloodhounds or something? Because, I swear to God, after he walks into his office, he just stands there sniffing at the air.

No.12845
>>12844

"Harry, what were you doing before I got here?"

"Nothing?" That sounded convincing, right? I mean, I was convinced, so Perry had to be. And that vein throbbing in his forehead wasn't necessarily a bad sign. "Okay, listen," I said once it became absolutely clear that Perry wasn't buying it. "I might have done a bit of cleaning, and maybe, just maybe, I took your car to—"

"You jerked off in my chair, didn't you?"

What? What? "No, I—" How the fuck did he— "Okay, maybe just a little?"

"A little?" And there it was: Perry was shouting again. "How much is a little, fuckhead? Is that the size of your dick?"

Before I could deny that, Perry smacked me round the back of my head.

"*Ow*!" I glared at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt?" Then Perry gave me another smack. "You jerked off in my chair? Seriously? The antique, one-of-a-kind, Louis-XIV chair my mother got me from France? What the fuck were you thinking?"

I really, really didn't have an answer for that. Besides, all of a sudden, I had bigger problems. The kind of problem that wasn't supposed to be here because, you know what, I wasn't a fucking teenager any more. This shit was not supposed to happen again so soon after I'd jerked off. But it was happening, and it did happen, and it was so much worse this time around because Perry was right there in front of me, close enough to touch, to taste.

God, he smelled good! Why did he always have to smell so good?

I tried to back away before I did something stupid like jump him. Only, Perry took that to mean that I was bailing on him.

"You are not walking away from this," he said, matching me stride for stride. Which was how I ended up with my back against the wall and with Perry pressed up against me.

***

The next few minutes were kind of embarrassing since I knew Perry could feel how turned on I was. He spent an incredibly long time watching me squirm, watching my face slowly go bright red. And he definitely got the part where I liked him taking control, because he didn't ease up one bit.

"Harry, you are one weird son of a bitch," he murmured in the end, making me shiver; I couldn't help it. "Oh, and while we're at it—" he pressed even closer. "That was not me talking dirty to you, asshole!"

He was trying to look pissed off, but I could tell he was pleased by my reaction. It was there in the way he rolled his hips up against mine, giving me just that little bit more friction.

I pushed forward then, trying to get even closer, trying to kiss him—anything I could get. But Perry grabbed a hold of my hair and then used it pull me back, tilting my head to just the perfect angle for him to brush his lips against my ear.

"Ah, Harry," he breathed right there.

My knees went weak.

"You really do get off on this shit, don't you? You'd probably love it if I held you down and then fucked you while I yelled at you the whole time, huh?"

After that, I had to clutch at his shoulders just to stay standing. I could feel myself nodding desperately, struggling to get as close to him as I could. And, oh God, was that me whimpering?

Suddenly, I was all alone because Perry pulled away from me abruptly. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he snarled, "Well, this is what you get for jerking off in my favourite chair!"

***

I screamed. I was so fucking frustrated, I just screamed, "Perry, you fuck! You fucking fuck!"

"Maybe when I get back." And Perry smirked at me on his way out the door. "Only if you're a good boy, though, Harry. Only if you're good!"

If I'd been anywhere near that fucking chair, I would probably have thrown it at him.

~~~

So, after all the drama, Perry's leaving for San Diego again. It turns out he forgot some incredibly important file on his desk, which he didn't trust me to send to him. And that's the reason why he came back in the first place.

Now I've got an even longer list of things not to do while he's away. But you know what? Screw that! I think I've proved my point. The best way to get what I want from Perry is to break every one of his stupid rules.

People, it's going to be a great week!

No.12846
Secon thread, really?

Go give it a look at the gag reel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWXiS8iGXXA

And tell me if minute 2:09 isn't completely slashy

No.12847
>>12845
> "You really do get off on this shit, don't you? You'd probably love it if I held you down and then fucked you while I yelled at you the whole time, huh?"

fuck why is that so hot? I guess Harry and I share a kink or two.

>>12846
oh, val kilmer has the best laugh! that was so much fun.

No.12848
Oh cool second thread. I wish I had something to contribute :(

No.12855
>>12845
>"You really do get off on this shit, don't you? You'd probably love it if I held you down and then fucked you while I yelled at you the whole time, huh?"
Please tell me there is a continuation in which exactly that happens.

No.12863
>>12855
seconded.

No.12873
>>12846

Haha, and 2:50.

No.12880
So where's the other thread? I can't seem to find it, and I want to save it... For prosperity.

No.12881
>>12880

>>5677

No.13011
File: 125054794892.jpg-(34.97KB, 330x480, s640x480.jpg)
13011

No.13015
RPF, I need it!

RDJ and Val are big, adorable, filthy liars and every time there's an interview question about their kiss they tell a new story. These are my faves

"When asked if he is bored of discussing the controversial scene, Kilmer replied: "No, because he's such a good kisser! If it wasn't so sweet and tender, and if the light hadn't hit him in just that way and if the wind was blowing, then maybe."

And then the opposite from RDJ

" He explains, "Val had just had a hoagie. I smelled German deli mustard. There was nothing that wasn't coming out of his gullet when he kissed me. Ironically, all day he was saying that my breath stank and he was feeding me Altoids (mints). Eventually, I said, `Don't come at me like some feasting pirate. It was horrible.'"

Not sure if this is the correct place to expunge all of this Val Kilmer love, but here's a very silly interview with him anyway http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-march-8-2004/val-kilmer

I don't have any better content, boo hiss, so i'll just request some d/s Perry/Harry and be on my merry way

No.13034
Those two need to get married like right now.

No.13107
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PokzCiTsnPU

My fave interview with RDJ and Val

No.13524
File: 125112488522.jpg-(44.93KB, 418x494, barukisou - Caught Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.png.jpg)
13524
Found this, had to share

No.13573
guys you know this was playing on amc today right?

No.13577
I started watching that, but they handled the censoring horrifically. :( The whole "what, fuckhead? who taught you grammar" bit is totally my favorite and they cut out about half of it just to get rid of the swearing. Like, the bit where he mumbles about the 'mechanism which allows one to sleep' is gone so the whole exchange makes NO SENSE and sorry sorry I'll stop whining but DAMMIT AMC YOU CANNOT HAVE PERRY WITHOUT STUPID ABUSIVE OBSCENITIES.

No.13578
>>13577

That said, RDJ on my actual tv screen was preeetttyyyy.

No.18617
Woah, why is this on page 7?
Here. Not exactly porn, but. It's cute. And it's kind of new content... Well. It hasn't been posted here.
http://mercilouslia.livejournal.com/31251.html#cutid1

No.18838
File: 125530155958.jpg-(704.46KB, 898x657, perryharry copy.jpg)
18838
Insert porn around the scene as you please :)

(I love you, coq)

No.18900
link to the last thread, anon?

No.18941
>>5677

On page 8. Catch it before it vanishes.

No.18990
File: 125545972665.jpg-(141.69KB, 600x400, 001301be.jpg)
18990
Any RPF for these two? Does it exist? Does someone want to write it? If it helps, RDJ complained loudly in an interview about Val's consistent queue of woman throughout shooting. ;)

No.19121
One day Harry decides he wants a sign on his office door. There wasn’t anything wrong with the office/bedroom Perry gave him but come on, he was practically Johnny Gossamer come to life now and every detective needs a awesome sign on his door. You’ve seen those old noir movies, right? Where you can see Bogart’s silhouette thru the glass? Yea. So Harry decided he needed a window like that with some big black letters spelling out his current occupation.

The next day he confronts Perry with the intent of charming him so much that convincing him for that sign and window with be a piece of cake. Like most of Harry’s ideas, this one didn’t go at all according to plan.
“Come on Perry,” Harry whined, at a glaring Perry who sat behind his big fucking desk not looking at all charmed by Harry.

“No chief, you do not need a new fucking door with a window just so you can play at being Bogart. Idiot.”
“Ok, fine, no window, Harry agreed, but what about the sign at least Perry? You get business cards, everybody in the state knows who you are but I’m just ‘Gay Perry’s sidekick’ or ‘that guy who got beat up at the party,’ you know?” Sooo, I think I need to get my name out. I’m Harold the Amazing people should know me Perry! But I don’t what that on the sign, how about ‘Harry Lockhart, Private Eye—nonono, wait: Harry Lockhart, L.A. P.I.—Harry Lockhart, Private Investiga—‘

Perry interrupted, still glaring, “How about 'Harry Lockhart, get-the-fuck-out-of-my-office'?”

No.19792
File: 125668719590.jpg-(69.50KB, 300x550, 55.jpg)
19792

No.19793
File: 125668722046.jpg-(96.76KB, 340x513, 10.jpg)
19793

No.19794
File: 125668724589.jpg-(37.90KB, 277x415, 9.jpg)
19794

No.19795
File: 125668726762.jpg-(54.21KB, 297x272, 8.jpg)
19795

No.19796
File: 125668728343.jpg-(45.41KB, 374x426, 5.jpg)
19796

No.19797
>>19796>>19795>>19794>>19793>>19792
Adorable! Is there more?

No.19803
>>19796>>19795>>19794>>19793>>19792

NEW AND GORGEOUS CONTENT.

We want more!!

No.19823
Oh m-my god, Harry is too too toooooo fucking cute in these ;_____;

No.19828
http://mgr.parasite.jp/ppp/lmth.html

No.20122
Prompt time!
So Harry really IS as hardcore as he thinks he is. Like mad fighting skills, super detective. Unwillingly, Perry is impressed. Sexy times ensue.

No.20167
>>20122

*Cough* Uh, yeah, big time lurker here and I shouldn't be reading strangely appealing prompts at ungodly hours of the it's-so-late-it's-early night. Seriously, the sun it's rising already, so I'll just drop this first piece and go pass out.

---
Not something to be proud of – part I


Perry, somewhere along the heavy beatings and the pain of cracked ribs and the scrapes and bruises, loses track of the time. He can’t tell how long it’s been since they threw him into the dark, damp room that he suspects is a basement, if it’s been hours or days. He tiredly thinks of Harry, his mind fuzzy with the familiar haze that comes with a concussion.

He doesn’t fight the sardonic smile when thinking how this time it was him instead of the idiot screwing up and getting the shit beat out of him; he feels the cuts on his lips pulling and splitting open, fresh warm salt taste in his mouth when he licks the blood away.

He’s thirsty. God, he’s so thirsty. His body’s going numb and it’s getting harder and harder to keep awake. Perry knows he must stay awake but it’s getting so hard to just keep his eyes open. He should have been more careful. These guys were dangerous, a little more than they were used to so Perry had left behind a surly, annoyed Harry Lockhart behind, because they both knew the fuckhead’s propensity to capture and recreational punch bag use in the hands of petty grunts.

Perry refuses to think of it as ironic. He will always hate Alanis Morisette every time he hears that word used in cringe worthy ways, no matter how much it made his situation sound less undignified, made it feel less like looming, inevitable death awaited.

He zones out, maybe he even blacks out, for only God knows how long, but then there’s Harry’s voice calling his name, a soft and a little frantic litany of “Per, Perry, c’mon look at me, Per, we have to get out of here,” and Perry’s so relieved he manages to croak out Harry’s name. It’s enough for the idiot, it seems, because next he’s telling Perry they have to move, and move now, and Perry doesn’t know how in all fucking Nine Circles of Hell he doesn’t black out from the pain when Harry helps him stand up and practically drags him out of the building.

When Harry gets them back to Perry’s car he quietly and gratefully passes out.



The time spent in the hospital blurs together the first three days. Perry sleeps away most of them, and the times the nurses wake him every hour the first twenty-four hours in doesn’t help with the exhaustion he feels trying to keep dragging his eyelids down.

Harry and Harmony visit, but it’s mostly the idiot standing guard by Perry’s bedside whenever he’s awake through visiting hours.

“They tell me they’re easing off the painkillers, Per,” Harry comments by the fourth day or so, when Perry’s able to think the closest to clearly he has in the last week.

“I know they are,” Perry says, cranky, because feeling the dull throb of pain slowly return with the lowering of medication dosage never fails to irritate him. They lapse into silence, until a question niggling at the back of Perry’s mind prompts him into asking it: “How did you find me, anyway?”

There’s a pause, and Harry looks at him, a strange look in his eyes, his expression a little flat. It melts into flustered guilt, and Harry mumbles: “I… well, I followed you and, well--”

“You fucking idiot,” Perry says, without conviction, “It’s a miracle they didn’t get you, too!” He yawns, he can’t quite help it, and Harry jumps up, as if burned.

“Yeah, hey, you should probably sleep, so I’ll just be going.”

Perry doesn’t object and quickly falls asleep.

It’s not until he’s out of the hospital, two weeks after being released, sorting through paperwork in a lull between cases, when he realizes Harry lied to him.

No.20168
If we're doing requests: I never feel like we've dealt enough with the idea that Harry was seriously abused in prison. So lets do that.

No.20169
>>20167
Whoo! Thanks, I really like it so far!

No.20175
>>20168
Major seconding right here.

No.20182
>>20167

Here you go next, anons. Nothing much happens, but it's the calm before.

Also: >>20168 I had planned to include a little of this in the story before you prompted, nothing explicit, mind you, but it might please you to know.

---
Not something to be proud of – part II


Harry lied to him.

Perry looks at the thought from various angles, and can’t quite fathom why Harry would lie to him about how he managed to find Perry. It’s not as if he’d get mad at the idiot for saving his fucking life.

He tries a few times to bring the subject up, but gets so unbelievably, incredibly smoothly sidetracked that it takes him a while to realize Harry, Harry I’m Fucking Transparent Lockhart, it the one playing him like a fucking violin, and it’s been as easily as dangling a carrot in front of a cartoon horse to move it in the desired direction, he realizes.

He debates between being majorly pissed off (at himself, at Harry; he’s not sure) or a little tiny bit impressed (amazed, because it’s Harry he has to think about subtly redirecting Perry’s focus). It’s ludicrous, ridiculous. It gives Perry pause and it makes him pay close attention, because he’s never looked beyond Harry the Problem Magnet and Harry the Endearing Idiot, which are practically the only two categories into which everything Harry does falls into.

This Harry’s a stranger, one that can read and manipulate Perry into forgetting the goal: answers, and only when this new Subtle Harry feels Perry getting too close.

He’s going to have to approach this one carefully, as if on case, biding time and gathering evidence and he’s going to have to corner the unexpectedly slippery idiot.

It’s harder than it seems, and Perry has never been an overly patient man when it comes to things that he finds a) intriguing, b) irritating or c) both, the later of which is the instance regarding his insufferable not-such-an-idiot-after-all of an assistant. Who’s able to outsmart him. And is unexpectedly good at it. Even when Perry knows it’s coming he can’t quite catch yet how the fuckhead does it.

The whole mess is distracting and strangely engaging and Perry hasn’t been able to think about anything else. He’s distracted enough the idiot even comments on it, and had this happened four weeks prior Perry would have been fucking amazed Harry had noticed his preoccupation.

“You okay, Per?” he asks, a little frown of confusion on his face, voice a little quiet, his I’m Concerned face that automatically fell into the Harry the Endearing Idiot folder inside Perry’s brain since he saw it. He doesn’t answer, just arches and eyebrow and looks at Harry a little askance, his answer silent, Of course I’m okay, you idiot. “It’s just,” Harry trails off, hesitating for a moment, “We haven’t taken any cases since you, you know…”

Perry snorts, “I’m just not in the mood,” he says, adopting a slightly disdainful expression he’s used against countless of come ons in the past. “I want something more interesting than cheating husbands and hysterical wives.”

That shuts Harry up, but Perry happens to catch the brief suspicious look that flashes through Harry’s eyes. He’s in for a long haul, he thinks. He’s going to have to lull the idiot into a false sense of security first. He’s going to have to let this lie, goddammit, push it into the back burner and start taking cases way less interesting than this little puzzle that so conveniently fell into his hands.

No.20199
>>20182

Loving it! Requesting more of the endearing idiot folder

No.20217
>>20167

This is goood!

No.20218
>>20182

In this part we have: one (1) annoying OMC that I made to act as one (1) plot device (go me), more (+) Endearing Idiot Folder (EIF) and one (1) anachronic jump, which is the second (2nd) half of this part, it's written in past tense to diferentiate and will continue for, at least, two more parts. I hope it's not too annoying.

(Thanks for the comments and enjoy!)

---
Not something to be proud of – part III


After Harry’s inquiring about his wellbeing and Perry claiming he’s bored of piece of cake cases, he spends another week in wait for something interesting, letting the requests for small cases accumulate. He considers giving it another week, but boredom finally wins out. Thus things return to normal at Sentron.

Days traipse along and Perry can’t help feeling a little gleeful triumph when that Unknown Harry lurking underneath Harry the Trouble Magnet and Harry the Endearing Idiot starts relaxing, showing in the way the Pout and the Sparkly Eyes return to their usual levels of sulky and playful, respectively.

Things are acceptable; Perry’s making progress, slow as it might be, and that Subtle Harry seems to be none the wiser. The only thing to try his patience is that he still hasn’t found a way to catch the idiot in his own game, because that subtle knack Harry has for sidetracking Perry is something he realizes Harry has done since the beginning, and it’s not reserved solely for the purpose of exasperating the living Hell out of Perry.

The thing is, Harry played the Endearing Idiot like a master and Perry has a really hard time discerning between Subtle Harry and the genuine Endearing Idiot. He’s taken a closer look at the contents of his mental folder, and has bitterly wondered if what he knows about his Endearing Idiot is all acts Harry executes to carefully drive the spotlight away.

But then Harry makes something spontaneous and completely idiotic and strangely endearing, and Perry has to concede the point; Harry is still an idiot, genuinely clueless about a lot of things, but the list is shorter than what Perry had initially tallied.

It’s not until two months later that Perry has his chance of cornering Harry, and it costs him a couple of bruised ribs, a broken wrist and a mild concussion; finally getting answers from Harry is the only good thing to come out of the big fiasco, Perry thinks.

*

Perry had been in a good mood, things going the way they were supposed to, Harry the Trouble Magnet conspicuous only by its absence and Harry’s antics giving Perry’s mental database a run for its money. Sparkly Eyes was always present when Harry was in a good mood, along with Skippy Steps and Bouncing In Place (not to be confused); during office hours Fidgeting and Whiny Sigh plus Dejected Pout Combo never failed to make an appearance, and Puppy Eyes were always thrown at Perry’s fake Not-Paying-Attention-to-the-Idiot expression unerringly five minutes before lunch time.

Shy Smile had been appearing more often, lately, and Snarky Eyebrow plus Quirky Lopsided Smile Combo. Harry was getting better at Verbal Sparring, and Perry enjoyed the things the idiot sometimes came up with, which went into their own special subfolder inside the Endearing Idiot one.

They had recently closed one of the easiest cases Perry had ever taken, looking for the lost Scottish terrier of a lone old spinster that paid them a ridiculous amount of money for it. So Perry was in a good mood and hadn’t given much thought to suggesting they go for a couple of drinks. Harry goes from Sparkly to Starry Eyes in a second, Grins Like a Fool and Bounces all the way down the stairs and to the car.

They went to a mixed bar, not too posh but nice enough to conform to Perry’s standards and quiet enough for Harry to feel at ease.

They were on the third round when the mood went south, plummeting down the moment Perry heard the sneered, “Well, well, if it isn’t Perry Van Shrike.”

Perry didn’t need to turn around. “Fuck off, Jean,” he says.

“I’d love to, but you never did give me even the time of day,” Jean sneers again, “I need your services.”

“I’m not a whore, darling, so don’t take it too personally when you had to find the hard way I have standards for my fucktoys you couldn’t even meet,” Perry retorts, keeping an eye on Harry throughout the exchange, “And if it’s my professional services what you’re talking about then approach me during office hours, thanks and bye; get lost.”

The small This Is So Awesome smile was on Harry’s lips, the one he got whenever Perry verbally dressed down someone in front of him. Jean noticed it too, and promptly changed targets, like the opportunistic piece of cowardly scum he was.

The words left Jean’s mouth before Perry could intervene, “So, is this the new toy I’ve been hearing about?” he said, and Perry seriously didn’t expect the way Harry responded.

“Jealous I have what you can’t?” Harry’s voice was low, the words almost murmured and the spark in his eyes and the curve of his mouth had no precedent, none of the contents of Perry’s mental folders had anything like it; Perry had no words to describe them, Harry’s expressions at that precise moment.

Jean was left speechless, coloring angry red with fury and, not knowing how to respond, he left with a huff and a glare in Harry’s direction.

“You just added fuel to the rumor mill, you know?” he asked, kind of blurting the first thing that came to mind, “Half the gay community will have heard about this by tomorrow if he’s the same vindictive asshole I remember.”

“I didn’t confirm nor denied anything,” Harry said, grinning lopsidedly at him, Mirthful Dancing Eyes inviting Perry to smile back.

“Crazy fuck,” Perry murmured, without bite, and smiled, taking a drink from his beer to half-heartedly try to hide it.


Jean Babin, unfortunately, didn’t fail to appear by Perry’s office the next day.

“You were serious,” he said, “Will wonders ever cease?” he asked no one, and saw Harry sitting at his small desk, Lip Biting to Keep Giggles at Bay in progress behind Jean, and Perry’s day became a little bit brighter despite the unwanted presence sitting across the desk from him.

Jean sneered at him, “I’m being blackmailed,” he said.

“And I care because…”

“Because I’m paying you twice your fare if you do it,” Jean looked pained, and Perry considered saying no for a moment; they didn’t need Jean’s money, but he supposed there was no harm in it.

Famous last words.

No.20238
>>20218

>I hope it's not too annoying.

Not at all dear, this is gorgeous.

No.20271
>>20218
liking it and patiently waiting for more

No.20303
>>20218

The endearing idiot folder is growing and so is my fondness for this fic. Hurrah for content, and three cheers for anon!

No.20371
>>20218

I love all the Names for Harry's Emotions and what not bits lol. Keep it up!

No.20388
>>20371
Yeah, that part's really clever. It's a refreshing way to describe all his changing moods without breaking up the story with a bunch of detail.

No.20404
Loving this little fic so far Tripht!! I like Sly Harry. I mean Harry was/if a thief so he must have been at least a little sneaky and not the Idiot that he is portrayed as most of the time.

And you should post this over at the lj comm http://community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang/ *pimpage*

Looking foward to more!

No.20453
From: >>20218

In this part we have: a job well done, some Perry and Harry shenanigans, a lie not well told and a kind of cliffhanger you'll probably hate me a little for. Sorry it took this long, since I suddenly have a life on the weekends and I wasn't too sure how to go about this part, heh.

>>20404
I'm watching that comm, lol. I shall post over there once I finish this, mkay?

Thanks for the commenting and enjoy.

---
Not something to be proud of – part IV


Retrieving Jean’s incriminating material from the place he gave them directions to was insultingly easy. He had given them everything they needed to know, where and when and almost how, the pompous prick. It had been a simple lock picking at the expert hands of Harry and a quick search through a small nondescript office.

It made alarms go off inside Perry’s head, and the way Harry had suddenly gone silent didn’t help matters.

The rest of the day was quiet in a way that made Perry’s instincts go so haywire he ended up breaking one of his own rules (not that it mattered too much with the kind of client he had this time around) and looked into the folder they had taken.

There were two lists inside the folder, one with names, in which Jean’s was easily found, and one with places, times and dates. Something niggled at the back of Perry’s mind, and a heavy feeling began to swirl in his stomach, which told him this wasn’t as simple as Jean had made them think, which Perry should have considered since the beginning when Babin had outright offered double payment.

He sat down and clicked open the web browser; if a simple search didn’t yield anything too alarming he would let it go. He decided to try with the dates, since half of them had already passed. The oldest one dated back about eight months.

It was around that time Harry Bounced inside, announcing it was Girl’s Night Out At Harmony’s.

“I can’t understand how a straight man ends up being not the best friend, but the best girlfriend of a previous romantic interest,” Harry Playfully Beamed at him; it was a well established ritual now, the way Perry mocked how Harry and Harmony had returned to the ways of their high school friendship days.

“Perry, you sound jealous!” Harry exclaimed, “You wanna come with? We’ll curl our hair and paint our nails, and then we’ll sit down on the couch, eating ice cream and seeing Pride and Prejudice. It’ll be awesome!”

“As if,” Perry snorts, “You tell Harmony I’m not going near one of your slumber parties until she gets at least one decent color of nail polish among those trashy ones she owns, no matter how dreamy Mr. Darcy might be.”

Harry finally cracked, dissolving into helpless laughter, “Sure will, Per,” he said, wiping at the corners of his eyes, Smiling Ear to Ear and Bouncing away. Soon after, Perry heard the idiot leave.

He returned to the search engine and ran through the first three dates, he frowned, and by the eighth he loudly cursed, anger simmering and tying a knot in the pit of his stomach. Goddamn that arrogant, worthless piece of shit.

He took the folder, grabbed his keys and left; he drove down to the nearest police station, left the folder at the front desk, asking the woman in charge to give it to Detective Harris as soon as possible. He got back to his car and dialed number twenty-six in his contacts list.

“The hell you want, Van Shrike?” John’s voice rumbled.

“I left you a little something at the station,” Perry said, “Be sure you look into it ASAP; it’s big.”

John went silent, “Sure thing, Perry. Didn’t get in trouble with this one, did ya? Been a coupla years since that Hollywood scandal with that other half of yours.”

“Nothing like that one, no,” Perry sighed, “Be sure you leave my name out when you run with the whole damn thing, though.”

“You got it,” John said.

They exchanged goodbyes and Perry hung up, rummaging in his pockets for the contact information Jean had left them. He fingered the card with the phone number, but in the end decided he wasn’t going to give Jean any reason to suspect there was a storm brewing for him in the not so distant horizon.

He decided to not think of it any longer.

When Perry got back to his place he found the door unlocked, and frowned a little in puzzlement, smirking when realizing Harry had probably forgotten something. Opening the door, standing just under the threshold and opening his mouth to call out to Harry, someone grabbed him, twisting one of his arms behind him and clutching his hair to slam his head against the doorframe.

“I saw you go into the station, you shit,” growled Jean’s voice, “I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep your nose out of my fucking business!” He didn’t give Perry any chance to retort and slammed his head against the doorframe a second time.

Everything spiraled sideways, until the world abruptly stopped when Perry dropped to the floor. When Jean kicked him, first in the abdomen, winding him, setting his recently healed ribs on fire, and then on the head, everything went suddenly, frighteningly black.

No.20467
OMG cliffhanger!! I'll be over here clicking refresh every 10 mins.

No.20584
>>20453

Save the day, Harry! I am really enjoying this, I love casefics and this is so entertining :)

No.20607
>>20453

In which Perry finally catches Harry red handed but can't do much about it.

---
Not something to be proud of – part V


Perry came to a moment later, head pounding, dizzy and a little disoriented.

“Breaking an arm in this position is pretty easy, you know?” he heard Harry’s voice asking, low and silky rough, and a somehow muffled, garbled sound of pain seemed to answer his question, “You just keep putting pressure while bending the arm just so…”

There was a sharp, broken cry, and then Jean’s voice resounded, “Ohgod, stop, stop, pleasepleasestopstopSTOP!” urgent and scared; Perry had never heard him sound like that before.

Perry tried to move his head to face the direction from which the voice were coming, making the previous almost dull throb of his pain pulse and spike through his head. He closed his eyes, tightly, and gritted his teeth to keep from making a sound. “Chief?” he called, opening his eyes and confusedly staring at Harry holding Jean facedown on the floor, an eerily cold and detached air about Harry’s blank, expressionless face.

“Per,” Harry said with his Faint & Guilty Voice, as if caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and Smiled Sickly, “Give me a second to cuff Jean here, okay?” he said, and deftly cuffed Jean with one of the pairs of handcuffs Perry kept around the office (Harry had tirelessly teased Perry about them when he had first found them, and Perry had retaliated with fond recalling of the countless fun times he had had with them; it had all been fictional, of course, and Harry’s startlingly bright flush had been incredibly gratifying).

Perry saw Jean grimace, and a look at Harry’s face told him he had closed the cuffs a little too tightly; Perry pretty much doubted it to be accidental.

Gray started to creep from the edges of his vision and everything suddenly focused an unknown amount of time later, and Perry found Harry hovering over him. “I called nine-one-one,” he said, I’m Freaking Out tremor in his quiet voice, Biting his Lower Lip and emphasizing his I’m Concerned face, “You blacked out again,” he said, softly.

“I’ll be okay, Chief,” Perry slurred, fighting to keep his eyes closed; it got him a brief Shaky Smile, and Harry started talking, Rambling about how Harmony was going to be pissed at him for standing her up on Movie Night and soon Perry stopped trying to follow Harry’s low rumble of words.

An eternity later, Perry finally heard the wail of sirens in the distance, approaching.

*

If it had been only the mild concussion and bruised ribs, then Perry’s stay would have probably been an overnight thing. The broken wrist, on the other hand (no pun intended), had meant he had to stay for radiographies and a cast. Perry glowers at everyone that comes close the rest of the time he’s in the hospital, including the cute nurse with the firm ass and freckled nose.

Harry Smiles Goofily at him when he’s allowed to visit, and Perry’s gone back to biding his time, knowing that Subtle Harry (Subtle, Dangerous Harry with voice like a shot of whiskey going down) must be on the defensive again. He’s not going to get anywhere if he asks now, in the open, where Perry won’t be able to chase Harry down when he tries to run, where it would be near impossible to corner Subtle Harry and make him talk.

Perry waits for the right moment to come.

No.20610
>>20607
Request!anon here! You have like...no idea how happy I am to see you filling this. Also, reading this part is TOTALLY worth being late to Macroeconomics!

No.20721
>>20607

Liking the silky rough Harry a lot. Very nice!

No.21153
>>20607

Loving it! Very curious about what happens next. (Might have broken my refresh button actually, whoops)

No.21204
>>20607

Next part is going to be so much fun! Dammit, Life, stop getting in the way of the internets!

Enjoy?

---
Not something to be proud of – part VI


Harmony’s the one to get Perry when he’s released from the hospital, “Because someone has to pick up the phone in office hours,” he tells her when she asks why her and not Harry.

“He was worried,” she tells Perry.

“I know,” he replies.

“It’s weird when it’s you the one getting hurt,” she continues, a seemingly involuntary smile on her glossed lips. “It’s obvious the way you’re completely besotted with him, but Harry…” Perry makes a face at her words, and the laughter in her voice is palpable before she trails off, “Harry’s always been difficult to figure out, you know? Even when it seems like something so simple, it never is."

“Not with him,” Perry acknowledges, knowing what she means and a moment of shared understanding passes through them.

“You owe me a Movies Night,” Harmony says after a moment of silence.

“I know,” Perry replies, and shares a smile with her, passing the rest of the car ride in companionable silence.


The pain meds knock Perry out quite effectively whenever he has to take them, they impair him and make him listless, sluggish, slow; he feels useless, incompetent, and it makes him cranky, short tempered and impatient. It's not really a wonder he ends up screwing up. He knew he shouldn't have pushed it, that he should have been patient and wait for things to return to normal, because you don't try to catch prey when said prey is already feeling threatened.

Subtle Harry still peeks behind the eyes of the Endearing Idiot when Perry finally can't stop himself from asking.

It's late and they're watching a movie. Or Harry is, at least, because Perry had just taken half a dose of his painkillers and they were doing their best to knock him out cold. "Are you planning on explaining to me what the hell really happened the last two times I ended up getting the treatment usually reserved for you?" Perry belatedly realizes, aghast, that it had been him speaking, unable to maintain his goddamned pie hole shut. Harry freezes beside him and he mentally curses his pain medication.

He turns his head in Harry's direction, and sees him looking back at him, a little pale faced and wide eyed. "Uh..." Harry begins.

"Don't lie to me," Perry warns, quietly, and Harry closes his mouth with a click of teeth. "Well?" Perry asks a few minutes later, when there're no words forthcoming.

Harry Glares at him, Silent and Sullen; he's Not Quite Pouting, and the defensive air about him feels a little more prickly than usual. There is something a little dark behind Harry's eyes, a hidden darkness peeking from the inside, but the alarm bells, the warnings, sound too distant, muted by chemical means in the back of Perry's mind. Thus, Perry presses onwards, vaguely feeling he shouldn't be doing this (not like this, not right now), but unable to actually stop. He wants to know; he needs to know that unknown part of Harry like he needs to memorize, tag and label everything Harry does and says, just in case--

Just in case.

“Are you going to answer?” Perry insists.

“You don’t want me to lie to you,” Harry finally says.

“Since when have you needed to lie?” Perry asks, the weight of creeping dread beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach. Harry Blinks, slowly, and Tilts his Head To The Side, looking at Perry with blank, hooded eyes; his voice is low, a little cold and a little angry and it’s the only emotion Perry is able to feel from his whole demeanor.

“What makes you think I have been honest since the beginning?” he says, and something inside Perry hurts.

Harry stands up, grabs his jacket and leaves. Perry doesn’t move; not when he hears the door slammed shut, not when the minutes slowly inch toward midnight. With a sigh, not really sure how long he’s been sitting there, shocked and unable to understand why Harry’s words had hurt so much, he turns off the TV, takes the second half of his dose and heads for bed.

No.21208
>>21204

Augh, you evil being! I insist you put your real life on hold until Perry finds out what Harry is up to.

You write a heartbreaking Perry - "shocked and unable to understand why Harry’s words had hurt so much". :( Wibble

I love the build-up in this part

No.21209
>>21204
I'm so happy you updated! Absolutely wonderful, like always!

No.21224
love the newest part of the story! Can't wait to see what happens next? And just out of curiousity do u have an livejournal Tripht?

No.21265
>>21224
Yes. Yes I do. And it's with this very same pen-name. It doesn't have much in it, tho xD

>>21204

This part went in a completely different direction than where I wanted it to go. I blame the flu. And being awake when I should be sleeping...

Um. Enjoy...?

---
Not something to be proud of – part VII


The pain wakes Perry up. He fell asleep without covering his wrist he realizes, and the cold only makes the pain worse when the medication starts to fade. It’s still dark outside, he absently notes, moving to rest on his back while he waits for his mind to wake a little up. His broken wrist begins to throb earnestly in protest soon after, and Perry forces himself to get up, turning the bedside lamp on; he won’t risk knocking the glass of water down.

When soft light spills across the walls of his room he’s finally able to notice the figure standing under the threshold of his room’s open doorway, just at the edge of his peripheral vision. “Jesus fuck, Harry,” he curses, a little breathless, heart pounding inside his chest, “You scared the living hell out of me, you fuckhead!”

Harry doesn’t say anything, just looks at him, and Perry goes silent, staring at the way the light of the lamp makes Harry’s eyes look darker than they usually are; the darkest Perry’s ever seen them before this night.

“They were going to kill you,” Harry says, quiet, and almost everything about him is unknown to Perry: his face, the slant of his mouth, the darkness of his eyes; the rough, warm rumble of his voice. The way he stands, so still, so unlike the puppyish, restless excitement of his Endearing Idiot or the nervous, apologetic energy of his Problem Magnet. Who is this stranger?

“Of course they were,” Perry says, softly and trying to sound matter of fact instead of condescending. It’s a risk in their jobs, even when most of their cases are mostly harmless and heavily leaning toward the side of boring to tears.

“I couldn’t--” Harry says, haltingly, “I couldn’t let them. Kill you, I mean…” he trails off and looks away from Perry, down to the uninteresting floor. “I was afraid you hadn’t given me enough facts to pinpoint where you were going. You were gone so long I thought I wouldn’t make it in time…”

There is guilt in Harry’s eyes, but there’s also hardness in them, a steely edge in his voice. “Jean wanted to kill you, too,” Harry’s voice lowered, roughened, “He would have if I hadn’t been here, Per. And I would have hunted him down to make him pay.”

Perry doesn’t know what to say. “Harry…” he whispers, and it’s all the inexplicable lump in his throat allows him to articulate. “Jean wasn’t a fluke,” he states, after a long pause, silence grown heavy, “Neither you finding me and getting me out before that.” Perry nods at himself, and Harry’s lie that day in the hospital now makes sense.

He looks up at Harry, into his eyes, “You never really told us how we made it that Christmas. I was down, Harmony was too, and you saved us both in what we wanted to believe was an incredible bout of sheer dumb luck…” Perry trails off, seeing Harry’s eye darken, not beginning to have even the slightest clue as to how that’s even possible.

“When you’re someone like me and you want to survive the big house,” Harry says, voice rumbling, low and distantly bitter, “You keep your head down and bend over when you’re told to, or you learn how to stand up against the big bads and survive to tell the tale; either way you end up doing things you’re not proud of.”

Harry pauses, closing his eyes, brief and painful in the way his face contorts, his hands curl closed, his breath hitches, “I swore I wouldn’t let them lay a finger on me, not for a second time, Per. I’m not proud of what I had to do, but I don’t regret it. I can’t.”

Harry’s pain breaks Perry’s heart, and he suddenly understands; why Harry had reacted the way he had at Perry’s forced kiss, at Harmony being molested in her sleep, at her off-handed, resigned way of being treated like a piece of meat. Perry had thought it an inherently noble, if clumsy and a little awkward, sense of chivalry; it had never crossed his mind it was something much more personal than that.

“That night, at the party in Dexter’s place,” he hears himself whisper, “You could have taken that guy down.”

“I could have broken his nose with just a punch,” Harry confirms, voice growing dark and darker with every syllable that comes out of his mouth and making Perry’s skin stand on end, “I could have sent him to the hospital bleeding and unconscious; broken.”

“I was so angry, Per,” Harry adds after a loaded silence, sounding eerily calm, “I almost gave into the impulse of kicking the shit out of him, it would have been as easy as breathing, and it scared the hell out of me, the way I couldn’t escape; I wasn’t in the big house anymore but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t leave it. So I let the motherfucker beat me up so I wouldn’t turn into the thing three years in prison had turned me into.”

“But then, the whole fucking mess after that fucking party,” Perry felt cold beginning to creep through his insides.

“Harry,” he tries to interrupt, but his voice is less than a whisper.

“I had never killed a human being before that Christmas. For you and for Harmony, I know, and I don’t regret it either, but it feels just like—just like—”

Harry closed his eyes again, pressing the heel of his palms against them this time. “Shit…” he cursed, voice thick and breaking, and Perry realizes this previously Unknown Harry (Subtle, Dangerous, Wounded Harry) is not too different from the other two deep down inside.

Perry reacts mostly without thinking, getting up and closing the distance with less than three strides, pulling a startled Harry into his arms, hugging him close to him, tightly and it takes a couple of seconds for the idiot to lean into him, relaxing and breathing a sob against Perry’s chest.

“Idiot,” he murmurs against Harry’s hair. His wrist throbs (he had completely forgotten about it) but Perry can’t bring himself to let go. He doesn’t hear Harry complaining.

No.21305
>>21265
Oh dear, this is just too good. I'm all aflutter.

No.21330
>>21265

Oh Harry :( I now require fluff!

No.21449
File: 125907085932.jpg-(363.78KB, 694x906, perryisavampirenowkthx.jpg)
21449
This thread needs MOAR CONTENT!

(Ahoy shitty scanner quality!)

No.22193
>>21265 This is coming together so nicely. I approve!

No.22415
Anyone taking requests? I kind of want to see Perry bottoming and wanting three fingers, but poor idiot Harry can only give him two and a half :)

No.22430
>>22415

Perry: Switch hands, idiot.

Harry: ._.

No.22431
>>22430

:D Something along those lines! (or maybe he conviniently gets his other hand sprained or mashed up or some plot device c'mooooon)

No.22470
>>22415

*Chokes* ohgod LOL

I believe I might be able to provide half of your request, because I think my story is going in that direction... that okay? XD;

No.22509
>>22431

I think it would be totally awesome if Perry is holding on to Harry's other hand (by the wrist!) and demands more fingers, and Harry is all >:O and gives him fingers and thumb instead.

No.22586
>>22470

Fff, god I love you guys! Yesyespleaseyes

No.22673
hai guys I wrote you something. 1st attempt at anything smuty. From the prompt: Harry is in the passenger seat, eating stakeout takeout and watching Perry lick the crumbs from his fingers, when he has his first overwhelming need—a hunger, almost—to be sucking Perry's cock.


Watching Perry’s fingers disappear for a split second in his mouth as his cleaned them shouldn’t be as hot as it was. Harry can’t seem to pull his eyes away from Perry’s mouth. The images his head is conjuring up now don’t surprise him as much as they should. After living with Perry for the past 6 months and listening to him fuck other guys thru the walls not much surprises him, so Harry decides to just go with the thoughts. He’s not really hungry anymore so he sits the Styrofoam container of food on his lap. Glancing at Perry in the corner of his eye he slips back into his fantasy. Harry imagines leaning over and placing a hand on Perry lap and kissing the suspicious look right off Perry’s face before moving his hand to undo the zipper on Perry’s no doubt expensive suit. Back in the real world Harry’s eyes drift back over to Perry for a split second before turning bodily towards the window and snapping his eyes close before he does something stupid. Like jumping Perry. He pretends to be looking across the street for their target. As his eyes slid close he relaxes back into his fantasy, feeling himself beginning to harden. In him mind he pulls Perry free of his pants gently before diving down into his lap to lay sloppy kisses and experimental licks. Just because he’d never done something like this in real life doesn’t mean he can’t imagine what it’d be like; he’s been on the receiving end a few times and by now has been to enough parties with Perry to know much more than he’d ever care to learn about guys giving blow jobs to other guys. Oh fuck, Perry was saying something, he should probably be listening. Reluctantly coming out of his fantasy he drags his eyes back to Perry, who is dabbing his mouth with a napkin and managing to make it not look totally gay. “ …looks like the target isn’t coming tonight. Time to get back to the apartment,” Perry finished saying.
“What? Oh yea…sure,” Harry replied still preoccupied with trying to find a way to move his lower body so his pants would stop being so tight. Perry rolled his eyes at him before starting the car and pulling away from the building they had been watching. Harry concentrated on keeping his box of food covering his hard on and contemplating ways to get out of the car and in their apartment without Perry realizing how much he was turning Harry on. Maybe he could will his boner away. Shit! They were already there.

No.23076
Fuck, I've been deprived of KKBB!

Tripht, wonderful job, please write more!

No.23085
>>22673

Mmm, I like Harry's train of thought here, very appealling

No.24927
File: 126335440441.jpg-(39.95KB, 476x362, perryharry.jpg)
24927
inspired by the screencap i managed to snag

First things first: I didn’t do anything.

This is the part where you say: Oh sure, Harry, yeah, we totally believe you. Innocent, innocent, innocent. That’s Harry Lockhart, alright. No, never mind the fact he was a scrap-broke thief suddenly reformed into secretary for the overwhelmingly temperamental Gay Perry. Well fuck you, because I didn’t do anything this time.

I’m pretty sure.

Maybe it was something about being back in LA after two weeks in Chicago, or maybe Perry was just looking for some sort of stress relief, but whatever it was, it got me pulled from my little desk and pulled hard against his chest before I even realized that Perry was home. Next thing I knew, Perry was licking up my neck and biting my ear while one hand was clenched hard on my hip and the other hard my arm hooked around my neck somehow. I don’t know. I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do when my boss, best friend, and house-mate of two years suddenly starts molesting me in the middle of the fucking day? Take notes?

No way in Hell.

Before I know it, Perry’s whispering all kinds of dirty shit into my ear and, well, I’ve never been into dirty talk. But Perry is always the exception, isn’t he? Point is, I’m getting hard as a rock and unable to do much about it by the way he’s trapped my arms. Thankfully though, considerate guy that Perry is, he’s already pushing down my sweatpants and gripping me way too tight—

… Okay.

Okay, hold on, I need a second. It’s way harder than you’d think to try to narrate when you’ve got someone holding you like that and driving you out of your skull and bending you over the desk. All of the sudden you’ve got a tongue in your ass and it’s fucking ridiculous how close you are to cumming.

Maybe it’s just me.

At this point, I’m about to blow in two seconds, but Perry doesn’t seem to care. He keeps jacking me harder and harder and practically eating me out, and as quick as you can say ‘this is every shade of wrong’, I cum hard all over my desk, and, unfortunately for Perry, the notes I’d been assembling for a case we picked up. He doesn’t seem concerned so much as eager. I say that because his hand, covered in my jizz for Christ’s sake, is suddenly lathering over my asshole despite the fact that I’ve just been strangled to smut by my boss not two minutes ago.

What else to do but lie down and take it?

So I do, ass propped up in the air for Perry like some eager bitch while I try and see straight with my head against the desk. Now, I assume preparation is usually pretty special or considerate for the catcher in this metaphorical baseball pitch, but I can barely tell the difference between his fingers and his dick slamming inside me. All I know is that soon, I’m being jostled hard against the desk by Perry’s enthusiastic thrusts while I, in a surprising twist of events, am getting hard again.

Okay so that goes on a bit longer than Act I of the Molestation of the Amazing Harold, but not much. His grip on my hips is extremely painful by now, but the most I can really think of (besides narrating, obviously) is Holy shit, I’m going to cum again. Because of Perry fucking van Shrike. Bastard. For the sake of my sanity, I won’t go into the nitty-gritty of our hasty little fuck, but I will say this: Perry is a talker.

“Dammit Harry,” he gasps, “Fuck. Fuck. I’ve been thinking of fucking you since I set foot in that bloody blue Hell in Illinois. Hah, fuck, you’re fucking tight, Harry. Ha-Harry.”

“Perry,” my jaw clenches and I can feel myself bucking hard. But God help me, I cannot stop saying his name. By the time I cum—again!—I’m almost yelling his name and the desk, ha, the desk has made a noticeable dent in the wall. Because of Perry fucking my brains out, remember?

But Perry needs to learn how to clean up after making a fucking mess, right? The best I get is a tacky cum-stain on my ‘Stones shirt and half-pulled up sweatpants. I mean, if I wasn’t dead tired—from Perry fucking my brains out—I might have said something. Instead, I pretty much collapse in my chair and pant like it’s August in Honolulu.

Now, does it sound like any of that was my fault? Damn right it doesn’t. So maybe Perry just couldn’t stand his lust for me anymore. I mean, my ass has been known to drive people crazy in sweatpants.

What? That’s a thing.

But some of you may still be doubtful, right? Well, fuck you, I’m the narrator, I’m the story teller, I was fucking there, and you got nothing on me. Lotta thanks I get for being able to even narrate while Perry was fucking my b—

“Harry?”

“Yeah, Per?”

“Don’t ever Sext me when I’m on a case again.”

“…Sorry.”

No.24929
>>24927
Holy fucking hell this was hot. God.
So perfect and aaah the end. Best ending ever.

No.24935
>>24927

I love you

No.24939
>>24927
<3's. I've been missing this thread,

No.25029
File: 126346377852.png-(4.06KB, 50x50, DOWANT.png)
25029
>>24927

Mmnn... guh...

Also, I'm sorry for the delay my anon comrades, but the porn is eluding me as of yet >_>;

No.25067
>>24927

Fffffffff I think you've killed me, dearest anon. So much love

No.25314
>>19793
>>19794

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder why nobody ever wrote any sort of fic revolving around their matching, nearly-heart-penetrating bullet wounds.

No.25321
>>25314
omg, you're right! SOMEBODY HAS TO DO THIS.

No.25322
>>25314

Oh my. This has to exist! Now I really need this to exist!

No.25331
File: 126378319133.jpg-(103.57KB, 734x496, hperry.jpg)
25331
>>25314

I, uhh, did what I could. Sorta. Heh.

No.25600
just saw this movie for the first time today. amazing! bump for awesome.

No.25618
>>24927
Marry me? Write more porn for my wedding gift?

No.25624
>>25331

Not quite, but we appreciate the effort. :'D

No.25680
>>25624
I dunno, I like it. There's something in the cross-hatching that reminds me almost of Ralph Steadman. But without the acid.

No.26033
File: 126437219462.jpg-(50.08KB, 346x360, 68.jpg)
26033
Found d'aww, hope it inspires

No.26034
File: 126437222084.jpg-(56.60KB, 378x464, 1.jpg)
26034
>>26033

No.26035
File: 126437224575.jpg-(81.94KB, 527x322, 2.jpg)
26035
>>26034

No.26036
File: 126437226586.jpg-(52.57KB, 305x344, 7.jpg)
26036
>>26035

No.26037
File: 12643723374.png-(499.76KB, 1078x827, 000g9yc3.png)
26037
>>26036

Aaaand This just makes me laugh. I'm done

No.26058
>>26034

Adorbs, but Harry has 10 fingers in that pick and Perry's got his beardy and ponytail.

Somethin's rotten in Denver

No.26184
>>21265

Oh, ha ha, this is so late, I'm sorry! I'll just... leave this here for you. Also, excuse my obvious set up for the porn, I'm obvious like that.

---
Not something to be proud of – part VIII


Things don’t quite return to normal again, at least not to the way Perry’s accustomed to. He realizes this a couple of days after Harry’s little freak out, and only because he catches himself cataloguing one of the idiot’s many mannerisms into a brand new folder; one he had begun to call Subtle Lurker, in honor to that first tag associated with this side of Harry.

He sits back, a little boggled at his discovery, and takes his time going through the things already catalogued, suddenly comprehending: a lot of them are variations of the contents in the Endearing Idiot folder, mostly depending on Harry’s mood. Perry begins to pay attention again, closely watching. If Harry Lockhart watching were a sport, he thinks, vaguely amused, he’d be a fucking Pro at it. Hell, he would be the world renowned champion.

It suddenly hits him, the realization Harry’s being himself; he’s not hiding from Perry anymore, and that secret part of Perry that’s a complete fucking sap at heart cracks open and bleeds warm feelings throughout his chest.



If there’s something Perry hates with a passion it’d have to be convalescence periods, especially if they involved any kind of physiotherapy.

The weeks needed for his wrist to heal had been tedious and annoying enough, not counting the times Harry and Harmony had dragged him into their Movie Nights, despite it being just one of them that Perry owed Harmony. Perry had seriously overestimated his ability to resist Harry’s Kicked Puppy Eyes when making the invitation. No matter how many times he told himself it would be the last time every time he caught Harmony giving him a “You have it so bad” look, behind Harry’s back, whenever they snarked about whatever struck their fancy, movie related or not, it was no use; Perry always caved in.

But annoying as those weeks had been, they didn’t compare to the sheer frustration he felt at the slow, slow pace of his recovery. He hated the spikes of pain, the weakness of his grip whenever it failed him, be it with a pen or the phone receiver or his favorite mug; he hated seeing and hearing them fall on the floor when his muscles cramped and spasmed, spelling out his inability to change it but with patient, diligent exercising and damn sheer stubbornness.

Perry’s temper worsens as time goes by, with only meager improvement to account for it. Harry hovers anxiously right on the sidelines, at precisely the right distance; far enough to be safe from Perry’s lashing frustration, close enough for his presence to be constantly acknowledged.

Perry wants to hit something, hard, and the only thing that could handle enough abuse without aggravating his recently healed injury, which made hitting the wall a non-viable option, would be the rarely used punching bag somewhere in the far, unsounded recesses of his storage.

Hitting the wall looks more and more appealing with each passing second.

“Hey, Per?” Harry’s voice pulls him out of his sullen contemplation of wall hitting with his uninjured hand (and probably risking breaking his other wrist).

“What is it?” he grumbles.

“Well, you see, I noticed you’ve been kinda, um… cranky and, well, I thought that, maybe, er… you see—”

“Get to the point, you idiot!” Perry snaps.

There’s a whole minute in which Harry Stares at Perry From Under his Eyelashes, Fidgeting and Biting his Lowerlip, until he finally blurts out: “Wanna spar?”

Perry automatically opens his mouth to snap a resounding negative, since most of Harry’s loony suggestions tend to require one, but the question finally sinks in and stops him cold. “What?” he asks.

There’s a Small Wicked Smirk on Harry’s lips, and Perry’s having to learn the hard way little seems to go over the idiot’s head. Damn it. Harry Grins and Bounces in Place, “You’re practically ready to start punching the walls, Per; completely undignified if you ask me, so I thought: ‘What better way to relieve stress than pounding the living daylights out of someone willing to sacrifice for the noble cause?’. So, wanna?”

It takes all of Perry’s self control to will the conjured images to the back of his brain, and he manages to croak a somewhat husky, “Sure, whatever.”

Harry’s Grin widens, “Great!” he says, “I’ll go dust the training mats I found.”

Perry watches Harry Bounce away and promptly hides his face behind his hands, groaning in distress and willing the interest his nether regions took in the prospect of “pounding the living daylights out of someone willing”.

“Fuck,” Perry mutters, “That’s what you get for letting yourself fall for the straight ones, Perry, you fucking idiot. You should know better by now.”

He sighs and stands up, exiting his office and going up to his bedroom to change. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go back to debating the merits of breaking his left wrist for punching the wall in frustration.

No.26186
>>26184

Obvious set ups for porn make me VERY HAPPY. I thought you'd left us *sob*

No.26191
>>26184
CONTINUE..

No.26332
asdf more please!

No.26439
>>26184

You are my favourite person ever. (And if Harry tops you'll be Harry's favourite person ever too)

No.26485
Obvious setup is obvious and appreiciate. *Refresh refresh refresh*

No.26779
File: 126507478755.gif-(1.41MB, 452x260, 2nr3bcy.jpg.gif)
26779
Always relevant

No.26804
>>26184
>>26779
more of these beautiful things, please?

No.26830
>>26779
UNF so loud i can wake up the whole block.

No.26880
File: 126514744996.jpg-(221.81KB, 978x705, Harryperrysleepy.jpg)
26880
Harry: Yeah, it's a dumb movie thing, but what do you want me to do, lie about it?

No.27524
http://kinkbangmeme.livejournal.com/

We have a kink meme. Excitement!

No.29019
File: 126651394613.jpg-(151.98KB, 803x1053, 0007x5hc.jpg)
29019
There is not enough art for this one.

No.29037
God, do I hate Beard!Perry...

No.29078
File: 126654553496.jpg-(66.96KB, 568x828, 0002zae3.jpg)
29078

No.29080
File: 126654575012.gif-(246.02KB, 477x394, caramellpharry.gif)
29080
Last one I promise

No.29210
Anybody round these parts taking prompts? The kink meme has a few gems, but there's painfully few fills over there.

No.29213
>>29210 (urk, I didn't contribute anything, now I feel bad)

Supernatural crossover anyone? Both by eighth_horizon on lj

http://gekizetsu.net/whatnot/kkbb_sn.htm
http://gekizetsu.net/kkbb_sn_2.htm

Not quite slash, but fluffy in the right places and Harry's monologue is consistently entertaining, rather than 14yr old girl waffling

No.29221
>>29210

Idk man but I have an idea

Harry wants to be fuck buddies with Perry, but Perry keeps saying no because he knows Harry will get all emotionally attached and a relationship is so not what he wants right now.

But then they do fucking.

And as the days go by, Perry becomes the clinging shmoopy one of them and Harry is like "WHOA BACK OFF WTF" but since I hate bad endings, they end with more glorious fucking.

The end.

No.29438
File: 126674156963.jpg-(16.71KB, 348x334, 4-2-1.jpg)
29438
weeeee

No.29478
File: 126677985374.jpg-(28.37KB, 350x210, kisskiss5.jpg)
29478

No.29482
File: 126678061065.jpg-(28.22KB, 350x210, kisskiss8.jpg)
29482

No.29500
File: 12667877701.png-(592.87KB, 1357x675, rdj singing detective.png)
29500
(can completely see Harry turning up for work as a walking noir cliche)

No.29503
>>29500
for the love of god, SAUCE.

No.29506
>>29503

The Singing Detective. All I really remember of it is a crushing disappointment that nobody did their own singing. Might be worth checking out if you like post-noir musings and RDJ scowling at people

No.29524
>>29500

Oh Harry...

No.29530
Urk, I know it's out of the blue but I really want some kidfic for this fandom. Solemn little kid Perry and adult Harry still depending on him to tell him what to do

"What should we do about the bog standard cheating husband case, Perry?"
"Watch cartoons"
"...okay, sure!"

No.29579
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWXiS8iGXXA

Blooper reel, but it has slashy bits.

No.29603
File: 126687769823.jpg-(10.58KB, 180x180, inside-downey.jpg)
29603

No.29735
File: 126695160484.jpg-(41.82KB, 450x300, kisskiss08.jpg)
29735

No.29778
>>29735
OH JESUS DAT >w< FACE.

GOD.

DAMMIT.

No.29794
>>29735
I want me some scratchy-beard RDJ kisses.

No.29796
>>29794

I second that. You know they're amazing!

No.29804
File: 126698788644.jpg-(34.43KB, 300x400, 6242968.jpg)
29804

No.29830
from kink meme prompt: Harry confess to Harmony and Perry that he did in fact sleep with Chook Chutney.

Part 1/?

It all started when Perry and I were at Harmony’s house for a movie night. She and Perry could bond over chick flicks but every once in a while Harmony and I could gang up and convince Perry to watch an action flick. Perry always said he had enough action in his work life and he didn’t need while he was off the clock thank you very much. Tonight’s movie had a secondary character that Harmony thought looked like our old buddy Chook. Remember that guy that she promised she wouldn’t sleep with but then totally did? Yeah, him. Remember how pissed I was about that? Well….there was more to the story that I made it out to be. So yeah, she mentioned that the guy in the movie looked like Chook and that got me thinking. After that whole Christmas incident was over I spent a lot of time filing paperwork for Perry and that gave me a lot of time to reflect. And well I started feeling kinda guilty about not telling Harmony the whole story. But she had recently chopped my finger off and so I think I was entitled to some hard feeling then, alright? Don’t judge me.


I guess my internal monologue took longer than I thought because by the time I look back up both Harmony and Perry are looking at me strangely having been waiting for my response while I tried to pull together all my thoughts .
“Nah, I don’t think he looks that much like Chook,” I finally managed to say. Perry just rolled his eyes at me and turned back to the movie but Harmony’s eyes lingered. Like she was trying to get inside my head. This just made me more uncomfortable and I don’t know why but just as she turned back towards the TV I blurted out, “you weren’t the only one.” Not the greatest way to begin my confession, I know but fuck I was nervous as hell and if this wasn’t the quintessential awkward moment I don’t what it. Her head snapped back towards me.


“What the hell are you going on about Harry?”
Perry had paused the movie and was looking at me curiously as well. Having both their focus just made me more ramble-y and more likely to start stuttering. You think they would learn by now I suck at spilling the beans when under pressure.
Apparently not as they just kept staring expectantly.


“I, uh…um. Well,” rubbing the back of my neck with one hand, trying and failing to think of some way to put this that wouldn’t end with me getting slapped by Harmony and laughed at by Perry.


“Just spit it out doofus,” Perry says, obviously tired of my stalling.


“I kindamaybesleptwithChook” I spit out eyes everywhere but on the two of them. Instead of laughter or violence, stunned silence meant my announcement.

No.29834
>>29830
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5

Also, good show.

No.29836
>>29830

For the love of all things good and holy, there'd better be more...

No.29941
http://community.livejournal.com/kkissbbang

Found this. I don't know if this was posted before, but somebody posted a site where prompts were being made but many were left unfulfilled, but this site has some of the prompts being filled at the moment.

No.30055
File: 126720960811.jpg-(36.44KB, 495x652, 00018a8t.jpg)
30055

No.30057
guh... god damn, robert downey jr. is such a fucking tease...

No.30062
>>30055
Val! behave yourself now!

No.30088
>>30055

Why I do declare...

No.30123
Okay...so there are these pictures of RDJ and Val....yet no RPS AS BEEN WRITTEN? Why is RDJude getting so much love ppl? (not that I don't love me some RDJude)

No.30180
>>30123

Why not RPS Jude/Robert/Val all in one? haha..

No.30608
part 2/? of Harry confessing to sleeping with Chook. Harry/Perry sexy times to happen in the next part I swear!

Perry blinked confusedly at him and then dug one manicured finger in his ear. “Wait a minute… Say that again because I must have had something in my ear or temporarily been transferred to an alternative reality.” Harry spared him a quick glare and then snuck a glance at Harmony whose mouth was comically hanging open.

“I said… I kina slept with Chook.” The situation might have been humorous if it had been happening to someone else but Harry was still waiting for Harmony to process his words and the beat down that would surely come after. Maybe Perry would defend him… On second thought, no. Perry would probably let her kick his ass and then criticize Harry’s pathetic attempt to fight back. Bastard.

Harmony finally closed her mouth and Harry’s words had finally sunk in because her face was turning red. She shot up from her seat and stomped over to where Harry was cowering in Perry’s leather seat. “You little shit! This was why you didn’t want me to sleep with Chook?! Because you were sleeping with him?!

“NO! No no no no!” Harry protested.

Harmony merely raised an eyebrow.

“Well, yes I did, but only once! It, um, didn’t work out…” Harry trailed off.

“You fucking kicked me of your hotel room out when I told you!” Harmony yelled. She spared a look for Perry who was still strangely quiet and whatever she saw in his face made her pause in her raging and look back at Harry, who was doing his best chastised expression complete with puppy eyes, and then the anger seemed to drain out of her. “Goddamn it Harry,” she sighed. “I just…need some time to think on this. I’ll call you later this week. She grabbed her coat and left, not even saying good bye to Perry.

After the door closed Perry finally let out the laugh he had been holding in during Harmony’s tirade. “I knew with a name like that the guy had to be gay” he said with a smirk. “But congratulations Chief, you surprised me again. Not many people do that.”

“Aren’t you going to make fun of me now, Perry?” Harry dejectedly inquired. “Maybe I can be Gay Harry now and we can be the fabulous gay detective duo or something like that.”

“I may be a mean bastard but I don’t make fun of other guy’s relationship problems.” Perry was however intrigued by Harry’s confession and so leaned forward on the couch sympathetically inquiring, “So what went wrong with you and the bff?”

Harry raised a skeptical eyebrow at Perry but decided that he had nothing to lose really by sharing more of his fucked up story and so began, “well... it was pretty simple really. One night we got together at his house and decided it would be a good idea to steal a bottle of his father’s whiskey and proceed to get drunk off our asses. Sometime during that he tells me that he thinks he might be gay and kisses me. Things went kinda quickly after that and gradually get more blurry as the night went on. You’ll remember that at this point in my sad life I was pining away for Harmony and hadn’t gotten any in a while so when Chook starting undoing my jeans I decided ‘hey, a blow jobs a blow job’ and decided to roll with whatever he did. Things obvious went a little further than that but the next clear thing I remember is waking up the next morning naked in Chook’s bedroom to the sound of him barfing in the bathroom. Needless to say my first morning after was terribly awkward and we quickly decided to go back to being just friends. Though now that I think about it maybe we didn’t work out so much as he decided he wanted to try sleeping with Harmony as well.

No.30609
>>30608
I've been waiting for this! I'll be waiting, count on it...

No.30792
Due to my shitty drawing skills, I have written a piece. Based on a prompt. NC-17
“So...”
“Yes?”
“How was he?”
Harry seemed eager to hear the answer.
Perry immediately glared at Harry. “The fuck is wrong with you? I’m not gonna answer that!”
After a bit of silence, Harry finally replied.
“Ok... just wondering...”
They both went back to eating dinner.

Perry wondered about where that question came from, why Harry would even ask that, and how much of an idiot could Harry actually be.

Soon, Perry wasn’t the only one wondering why Harry had asked that question. Harry... Harry knew he should’ve stayed out of Perry’s love life, but lately... seeing Perry bring guys back to the house bothered him a lot. Why should it bother him anyway? Harry asked himself that, but... no... he couldn’t think of the answer. Not that he didn’t have any answers to that question. It was because he did, he was afraid of what they might be. It was like, he knew if he thought about it, he would have to confront something about himself that he wasn’t quite ready to face.

Perry sat at the table and continued to eat his meal. He was really wishing Harry hadn’t asked him anything at all referring to the guy he brought home last night. That guy- oh christ, what was his name?- he was damn good but... why had he done it? He loved Harry. He loved him so much. He wanted to show harry how much he loved him, but Harry was straight. Harry would most definitely freak out if Perry showed anything that indicted he thought of him as more than a friend. Hell, he was afraid that any innocent body contact would be misconstrued as some form of him hitting on Harry. He’d rather not ruin what they had, so Perry kept it to himself and dealt with it. But he couldn’t stand it, and so he brought guys home with him from the bar, and slept with them. Sure, physically, it felt good, but it just didn’t satisfy him. When he was fucking those guys, he was thinking about Harry. He wanted those guys to be Harry, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Perry just couldn’t help finding Harry so attractive. Even if Harry was something of an idiot, he was an idiot with a good heart, only trying to do what he thought was right. And Perry thought Harry was undeniably cute, down to his mannerisms. That didn’t help him try to get over Harry. So here he was at the dinner table, thinking about all this...

“Hey”
“...”
“Hey”
“Um...”
“HEY”
Perry looked up at Harry.
“I’m sorry... about... asking about... you know...”
“Huh?”
“I know it’s your business and I’m not gay so it would probably be weird to talk about fucking a guy with a guy who doesn’t fuck guys so I shouldn’t have asked anything. You know, like I never talk about the girls I fuck-”
“You don’t fuck any girls, Harry...”
“... Well, if I did, I wouldn’t talk to you about it because that would probably be weird for you so you probably thought the same thing when I asked so I’m sorry for asking.”
“Uh... thanks. Now shut the fuck up Harry and eat.”

No.30793
>>30792

Harry complied and continued eating. And thinking. Now he could not stop thinking about Perry. Maybe he was jealous Perry got laid so much? It could be that... or maybe... if he was jealous, it wasn’t of Perry. Maybe it was of the guys that slept with Perry. WAIT. Harry wasn’t gay. Why should he be jealous of those guys then? Then again, they possibly got to see a side of Perry that he never got to see. Maybe Perry was nice and gentle when he had sex. Harry wanted to see this side of Perry. But more importantly, he wanted to be on the receiving end of this side of Perry, that is, if it existed. But why? This kept bugging Harry. Harry realized the only way he could figure this all out was if he actually went to that part of his brain that was... questioning...

Maybe I am... Maybe I do like Perry, Harry thought. Harry didn’t know how to feel. It’s no easy task trying to figure out your sexuality, your sexual preferences. It had to be done, though. And once he thought about it, it started to make sense. He was bothered by Perry bringing home those guys because he was jealous. He wanted to be those guys. He wanted to experience Perry the way they got to. But more importantly, he just wanted to be with Perry. It bothered him that Perry could get all those guys, but Harry wanted him all for himself.

“Fuck!” Harry said out loud.
“What?”
“Oh... Nothing...”
“Whatever... I’m done and you look finished, too. Give me your plate.”

Harry handed him the plate. Harry realized that he couldn’t figured it all out now (you know, all that stuff about his sexuality), but he did know that he most definitely liked Perry... maybe even loved him. Loved him for caring enough to ask him to stop stealing, for giving him a job, for letting him stay in his house. Hell, the man took a bullet for him.

BUT

Perry couldn’t possibly love him back. He had all those guys, he didn’t need Harry. Harry involuntary put his face in his hands and groaned.

“Hey. What’s wrong?”
“What?”
“Idiot, I said ‘what’s wrong?’”
“Uh... nothing...”

Harry looked away, but he’s face was red now. Perry, now washing dishes, continued staring at him.

“Something’s definitely wrong.”
“I can’t really...”
“Come on.”
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Fine.”

Perry went back to washing dishes. He thought Harry was acting really weird. He genuinely wanted to know what was wrong with Harry, but didn’t want to force Harry to explain something if it made him uncomfortable.

“Well, actually...”

Harry found himself moving towards Perry.

“Huh?”

Perry heard Harry walking.

“I, uh...”

Harry made it to Perry, stood behind him, and put his arms around Perry’s waist.

“What are you doing, idiot?”

What was Harry doing?

“I think...”

Harry couldn’t believe he was doing this. What was the worst that could happen, though? Well, rejection... but he’d done it.

“Harry?”

Perry started to stiffen up, dropped the dishes, and did not turn around at all, out of fear. He couldn’t look at Harry. Why was Harry doing this? Did he know and was he messing with him? If it was a joke, it’d kill him.

“I think I love you.”

Harry’s stomach was in knots. Moment of truth.

“Why are you doing this?”

Perry didn’t mean to say that, but his mind was in such a jumble.

“I love you Perry.”

Harry realized how vulnerable he was and he was starting to wish he hadn’t-

Perry turned around and kissed him. And, wow, it felt so great. He couldn’t believe that he was doing this! With Harry! Perry was in disbelief, but rather focus on that he decided he was definitely going to enjoy this. He pushed his tongue into Harry’s mouth. Their tongues made contact and would not pull apart from each. Perry spun them around so that Harry was against the sink now. Harry smirked and Perry felt it. Harry knew that Perry had to be in some sort of control. Perry figured that was what Harry was thinking and started to feel himself smile. Perry moved his hands to Harry’s hands and started to grind against Harry. Harry pulled away from the kiss to groan.

No.30794
>>30793

“Oh my God... This is amazing, Per. I mean, this is so...”

Perry shushed Harry and started lifting Harry’s shirt over his head. He started kissing and sucking Harry’s neck while rubbing Harry’s growing erection through his pants with just the right amount of pressure. Harry hissed with pleasure. He unbutton and unzipped Harry’s jeans, all with one hand. Harry would’ve been severely impressed were it not for the fact that his neck was being sucked on and his dick being played with. Harry started unbuttoning Perry’s shirt and finally got it off him. He was really hard now and Perry felt that it was the right time to move down. He kissed along Harry’s collarbone, to his chest, down the middle of his stomach, to his belly button. He pulled Harry’s dick out through his boxers and flicked the head with his tongue. Harry couldn’t keep his moan in. Perry smiled as he took Harry into his mouth. He kept bobbing his head, slowly picking up speed. Harry ran his hands through Perry’s hair. He had gotten blowjobs from girls, and they were great! But Perry was... amazing! Harry figured Perry would know how to give a blowjob and give a good one, being a guy, but this was so great, Harry could feel himself coming almost immediately. He started making grunts, he tried to form coherent words, but he couldn’t. Perry understood and deep throated Harry once, and that was it.

“Aaaaaaahhhh...” Harry let out.

Harry was amazed at how Perry swallowed it all. Figures. Perry was anal about keeping things clean, and that way, he wouldn’t have to clean the cum up off of his floor.

“Wow Perry, that was... I mean, that was amazing, the way you moved your tongue, it was just so...”

“I love you.”

That shut Harry up. Not that Perry intended for that to happen. He sort of blurted it out. And then he moved up to kiss Harry.

“Fuck me.”
“No...”
“What?”
“I... want to, but... not here...”
“The table, fine... I need... need it...”

Perry gave in. He would regret fucking Harry on the table where they ate in the morning, but at this moment, it was the greatest idea in the world. After Harry kicked his pants and boxers, he lifted Harry with Harry’s legs around his waist, and carried him to the table. He was a big guy, and Harry probably knew that he could carry him, but he still a bit embarrassed. Perry took note that that was probably why Harry’s face was turning red. He chuckled, and thought it was adorable. He kissed him softly on the lips for a bit before pulling back a bit to unzip himself. He pulled his pants and boxers down and kicked them. His dick was now as hard as ever. He leaned into Harry and they started kissing again. Again, Perry couldn’t believe this was happening, and that made his cock dribble a bit. He took his hands put them on Harry’s hips, while Harry’s hung on his neck. Perry moved one of his hands and started to massage Harry’s entrance. Harry groaned a bit. While working Harry over with his finger, Perry realized that the lube was upstairs. It would definitely be a mood killer if he left to get it. The best he could do was spit in his palm and hope for the best. He removed his finger from Harry, spit in his palm and rubbed his dick. He moved the head of his cock to Harry’s opening. At this point, he looked at Harry who was looking down to see what was happening. Perry just smiled to himself.

“You ready?”
“Yeah...”
“If it hurts at all...”
“I don’t care. Fuck Perry, I just want you to do this...”

Perry slowly entered Harry. Harry took in some air. It did hurt, but it also felt so good. Perry didn’t go all the way in yet. He took his time, he didn’t want to hurt Harry at all. Harry wanted all of Perry though, but couldn’t even mouth the words. Perry could tell though, and he did his best to go all the way into Harry without hurting him too much. He finally got balls deep into Harry. He pulled out and slowly came back into Harry again. Harry was starting to get past the pain. Perry slowly started to pick up speed. Thrusting into Harry felt so good. Perry gripped hard onto Harry’s hips. He keep picking up speed. Harry threw his head back in ecstasy. Perry felt himself nearing orgasm. He kept at it though. He took his hand and grabbed Harry’s cock and started pumping. He looked up at Harry’s face. Harry’s was biting his lip. Looking at Harry made Perry come hard inside Harry. He doggedly kept thrusting through his orgasm, but started jerking and slowing down. He kept jerking Harry off. Finally, Harry came all over his own stomach. When he finally stopped spurting out cum, Perry licked up some of it, and then slowly lowered himself onto Harry and started kissing him. Harry could taste himself in Perry’s kisses.

“Wow...”

It required a ton of effort, but they both made it to Perry’s bedroom, where they crawled under the blankets and held on to each other. After kissing for a bit, Harry nuzzled himself into Perry’s neck. Perry had his laid on top of Harry. Perry still couldn’t believe that all that happened. He couldn’t believe he had finally gotten Harry. He felt Harry kiss his chest. Perry responded with a kiss to Harry’s forehead and by pulling Harry closer to him.

No.30804
>>30793
this one feels kinda IKEA Erotica to me.

No.30839
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30839
Anyone got a bigger version of this?

(avoiding the kink meme like the plague, can't handle the fangirling, save me /coq/)

No.32127
Prompt: from the kink meme http://kinkbangmeme.livejournal.com/709.html?thread=2245 ANYTHING in that closet in the mental hospital place.


“Uh, Perry….can you back up a little?” Harry asks as he glances up at Perry. Perry smirks down at him and instead moves closer, slipping a knee in between Harry’s legs, smirk growing into a full blown leer at the gasp that slips out Harry’s mouth. Perry had toyed with the idea of taking the man home with him for a few days now. Truthfully he’d been checking him out at the party before he’d know the man was the so called actor he’d be training. He’d had fantastic lips. It didn’t matter if he thought he was straight, Perry had a pretty good record with convincing and or converting straight boys if he didn’t say so himself.

“P-Perry, what are…what are you doing?” Harry stutters out, confused.
Smirk back on his face Perry says, “You’re the one who’s trying to learn detective skills. Figure it out, chief.”
“Are you...um, hitting on me?” Harry says in a high voice.
“Got it on the first guess, I must be teaching you well” Perry replies and moves his hand to Harry’s neck to pull him in for a kiss. This kiss is nothing like the phony cover up kiss by the dumpsters, this one is slow and wet and Perry can feel Harry’s knees go weak. Jackpot.

Pulling back Perry doesn’t waste any time sliding to his knees and getting Harry’s belt undone. Harry is softly groaning above him, eyes blow wide with lust already. The soft light from the glazed window is giving Harry a halo of light around his hair. From his position on the floor it is just enough light to make out expression by. Sliding one hand around to rest on Harry’s ass the other working the zipper on his pants down Perry spares a moment to hope Harry isn’t too much of a moaner because he doesn’t have a spare to hand at the moment to shut Harry up with and because he isn’t fond of the idea of someone catching him in this closet. He got caught in a situation like this once before and it’s not an experience he’d like to repeat. But back to the matter at hand. Or more accurately, at mouth. He doesn’t waste time teasing Harry (that sort of thing will wait until they are back at his place) but instead opts to push Harry’s boxers down, noting the garish pattern on them, and then licking a stripe up the bottom of Harry’s dick. Harry about jumps out of his skin. “J-j-jesus Perry!” Perry spares him a look before moving his hand from Harry’s ass to his hip to keep from being spearing in the back of the throat and proceeds to start a bobbing rhythm. Harry is thankfully quiet except for a moan that might be Perry’s name whenever Perry’s tongue presses against the vein on the bottom of his cock on the up stroke. After a few minutes of this, Perry pulls back and beginning sucking on the head. Hard. Harry’s hips jerk and he throws his head back and hits a shelf which then spills it contents down upon the two of them. Luckily it’s mostly towels and TP so nothing important is hurt besides the moment. Harry is rubbing at the back of his head looking a bit dazed, dick still hanging out, leaking pre come steadily. Perry is on his haunches glaring at him. “Smooth move moron. Way to kill the moment.” The look on Harry’s face is priceless, a mix of comical horror and lust. Perry wishes he had a camera. But if he had a camera Harry’s face isn’t the only thing he’d be taking pictures of, if you know what I mean.

“You’re not going to leave me like this are you?” Harry says incredulously. “You’re the one who started this and I didn’t mean to hit my head there, obviously, but God, Perry whatever you were doing with your tongue was amazing and that must have been a gay trick because no one has ever done anything like that before and-”

Reaching up Perry slaps his hand over Harry’s mouth effectively stopping his rambling. “Stop. Talking.” And for once Harry actually listens and just nods his head. Then he does one better by sucking in one of Perry’s fingers. Perry can feel his eyes roll back in his head as the sensation travels straight to his dick. Okay, it was time to finish this.

Deciding that keeping Harry’s mouth occupied was more important that blowing him for now Perry quickly stood up completely and fumbled with his other hand to get his own pants open. Skin. He needed to be skin to skin with the man in front of him. Pulling his own dick out he quickly took Harry’s in hand as well and began stroking hard. The moan Harry let out around his fingers was heavenly. When Harry came he dropped Perry’s fingers from his mouth in favor of letting out a groan that sent shivers down Perry’s spine. But it wasn’t until Perry felt the warm fluid dripping over his hand that he came as well.

It was awkward and messy and probably the best orgasm he’s had in weeks. Well, fuck. The kid was definitely in the running for best straight boy sex Perry had ever had. And he hadn't even helped Perry out. Maybe he was getting soft, but Perry couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to take Harry home and fuck him so hard he'd feel it all the next day. Enjoying that image Perry looks up to another fine sight. Harry, still panting and staring at Perry a bit dazed so Perry decides to take the initiative and grab one of the fallen towels to clean them both up.

After tucking themselves back into their pants, Harry is still quieter than usual. He doesn’t do much else besides running a hand thru his hair but disheveled is a good look on him so Perry doesn’t protest. He’d let out a laugh when Perry had spent time retying his tie but otherwise remained smiling, but silent. Perry at least had expected a closet joke at this point. It’s not an awkward kind of silence, but Perry is becoming more used to the rambling monologues but resolves to wait until they get out of the building at least before ruining the quiet. After a quick check to make sure the hallways are still empty, they go.

As they are leaving and Perry is dialing Harmony’s number on his cell, Harry finally ruins the afterglow by opening his big mouth, “I take it back, what I said earlier. This was the single gayest thing you’ve ever done. With me at least.” This is said with one hell of a shit eating grin and Perry doesn’t bother rolling his eyes at him and instead ops to grab his arm and pull Harry along faster glad for once of the chatter. The faster they meet back up with Harmony and then get back to his place the better.

No.34570
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34570
>>26184

Tripht, you darling, are you any closer to finishing this? I love it so much.

Sorry to bump an old thread with needy pestering, all I can offer is this tiny little man right here.

No.44053
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44053
There's this crossover I didn't realize I'd like, but it's Harry and Kozak from Shaggy Dog. There were a bunch of pictures drawn, and then they just stopped. Oh well...

Anyway, Harry and Perry...

No.48324
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48324

No.55933
>>26184

I'm so late with this it's not fucking funny. Sorry won't cut it, I know. That's why I bring you porn, my lovelies. Enjoy! If there's anyone still following this...

I will be posting this to the lj comm, now.

---
Not something to be proud of – part IX


Perry stares up at the ceiling, panting, breathless with exertion and disbelieving wonder. He rolls to his side, kneeling up and shaking his head to clear it. He looks up just in time to see the Smirk on Harry's face, eyes darkly sparkling with the smugness of a haughty feline predator. It's the sixth time Perry's ended on his back since their sparring began.

Harry Bounces in Place, eager and flushed with adrenaline. Watching Perry's every move with something in his eyes akin to how a cat stares down at a little mouse, debating how to play with it before going in for the kill.

Perry feels a shiver go down his spine; feels the skin of his whole body prickle and stand on end under Harry's half-lidded eyes. Nothing could have prepared him for this, he realizes. Nothing could have prepared him to deal with the real weight of the Subtle Lurker's eyes on him. The dangerous feel of Harry's body poised for violence, be it defending or attacking.

This is the man Harry is, standing wholly in front of Perry for the first time.

He feels the feral smile curl his own lips, delighted with the challenge of Harry's surprising competence in hand to hand combat. Perry prepares himself to stand up, but his wrist throbs sharply when he puts his weight on it, and a hiss makes it pass his clenched teeth.

He feels his muscles cramp, from his fingertips to the middle of his forearm, and he can almost feel the moment the dangerous feel of Harry's Darkness leaves the room, replaced by his Endearing Idiot's Concern.

“Shit, Perry, you should have said something,” Harry frets, kneeling next to him. Perry clutches his arm closely, not being able to help the instinctual need to protect his hurting limb.

“I'm okay, fuckhead,” he snaps, his voice a little strained, “It's just a cramp; I got it just now.”

It's almost comical the way Harry's anxiousness bleeds out of him; the way the Sunny Smile breaks through the shadow of worry in his brown eyes.

“Oh, okay,” Harry breathes, and Springs Up and Bounces away with an afterthought, “Don't move; I'll be right back!” thrown back at Perry.

A second later Harry Bounces back and sits cross-legged in front of Perry, a crystal bottle in hand. He uncaps it and pours a bit of the contents in his hand and reaches out for Perry's arm.

Oily fingers begin massaging, “Fuck!” Perry hisses, willing himself to relax his clenching hand, because it just makes the pain worse.

Harry doesn't say anything, just diligently works the bunched up knots of nerves and muscle tissue undone, slowly, until Perry is able to unclench his teeth and sigh in relief; until Perry lets a hum of pleasure rumble from his chest.

This is dangerous territory, Perry realizes.

He clears his throat and tries to pry his arm from Harry's capable fingers. “That's enough, Chief,” he says, but Harry's fingers close around his wrist, holding fast, and Perry finds himself looking up, startled, into Harry's darkened, half-lidded eyes.

“No,” Harry says, clearly; voice like hot whiskey in the winter.

Perry feels cold, feels the blood draining from his face only for it to return with a vengeance, setting his face on fire, suffusing his whole body with heat. “What?” he manages, voice thin and breathy.

“It's not enough,” Harry says. Something inside Perry crumbles.

“Harry,” he says, voice a plaintive whisper. Don't do this, he wants to say; Dont' do this, I'm afraid I'll break.

“Say it, Perry,” Harry continues, before Perry can voice a protest, before he can gather the crumbling walls of his defenses around him; before he's able to push Harry away because he wouldn't be able to bear to let him get too close. Always too close but never enough to satisfy; the perfect set up for his masochism: letting the object of his desire parade around him, invading his space and his life but never close enough to touch; never close enough to have.

Harry,” Perry says again, but his voice is now a plea.

“Say it,” Harry insists. “Say you want me to fuck you, Perry. Say you want me to take you,” Perry closes his eyes, lets Harry's voice wash over him, making him shudder, because it shouldn't surprise him at this point. It shouldn't surprise him Harry knows.

“Let me love you, Per,” Harry whispers, and he's so close Perry can feel his breath on his lips.

Harry caresses the inside of his wrist with his thumb, patiently waiting, and Perry just has to lean his face and tilt a little to the side to kiss Harry's lips.

“Okay,” he breathes against Harry's Lazy Grin.

Perry ends on his back a seventh time, but this time there's completely different reasons for his breathlessness. Namely a hot mouth seeking and exploiting sensitive spots on his neck and chest, and three fingers making slow, deliciously maddening work of loosening him up. Fuck, it had been a while, but the burn and the dark look in Harry's eyes was fucking worth it.

“How do you want it, Per?” Harry asks, slowly twisting his fingers inside him to get his attention. Perry curses, arching his back and clawing a little at the training mats, dignity be damned, Harry fucking knew what he had just done.

“How do you want it?” he insists, “On your back, with one of our legs around my waist and one over my shoulder? On your knees, with my hands holding onto your hips and ass tight enough to bruise? Should I let you ride me?”

Perry groans, “Harry!” he says, not wanting to plead. Not yet.


“Shit, Perry,” Harry says, voice rumbling, “You should see yourself right now.”

“Shut up and fuck me already, you shithead!” Perry exclaims.

Harry growls, growls, at him, takes his fingers out and flips him around, dragging him up to his knees and Perry finds himself forced to rest his upper torso down, since his right arm won't support him. It's an oddly vulnerable position, and it heightens his perception of Harry's fingers returning, applying oil once more before being replaced by Harry's hard cock.

It burns on the edge of pain, but the pace is slow and Perry adjusts easily to the intrusion. Harry feels... Harry feels incredible and Perry starts to slowly burn, letting the fire be stoked by Harry's litany of filthy words and endearments dropped with every kiss down his back.

Harry buries his face between his shoulder blades, breathing hot against his skin and telling Perry how he feels (hot and tight and how long has it been since Perry had done this, before Harry came into his life?), how he feels (I love this, I love you, Per; wanted this for so long) and asking him--

“Tell me, Per, tell me, please, c'mon, I wanna hear it, c'mon, please.”

“God,” Perry moans, hiding his flaming face against his arms, “Shut up and fuck me into the mattress, Harry!”

Harry chuckles darkly, sending a shiver of thrilled delight down Perry's back, before he does.

Much later, languid with afterglow and basking in the residual overall soreness of a really good fuck, a sudden thought occurs to Perry.

“Did you plan this?” he asks, turning his head to look at Harry.

There's a pause while Harry looks at him with Dancing, Sparkling Eyes, “I'd be lying if I said I wasn't counting on your wrist to complain,” he gave Perry a Satisfied Smile, “Call it wishful thinking.”

“Moron,” Perry says, softy.



Later that evening, Detective Harris calls to let them know “the whole damn thing just went down”. Perry's smile is huge and it has no trace of humor in it; all sharp edges and teeth. “Good,” he says to John.

Harry looks at him, quizzically.

“Dear Jean will find it hard to get out of this one,” he tells Harry.

“Drug dealing, right?” Harry asks.

“Yeah,” he says.

Perry is no longer surprised.



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