I was originally going to post this in /writ/, but now I actually want to see it get off the ground so I guess I'll post it here instead.

The basic premise is this: what if Twilight was written by Terry Pratchett, specifically as a Discworld book?

I only have a vague idea of the characters right now. Bella Swan is the teenage daughter of a watchman somewhere on the Sto Plains. She's foolish in the way that teenage girls have a talent for, though her rural peers are a bit more reasonable, making her look worse in comparison. She also lacks a certain degree of coordination, as evidenced by various cuts, bruises and burns that often manifest on embarrassingly visible parts of her body.* These two factors hinder her social life, causing her to retreat into trashy romance novels which have warped her perception of the world in general and love in particular.

Edward Cullen** also lives in the town, along with his "family" of Black Ribboners. He was bitten as a teenager, and as a result has been stuck in the human life cycle's most awkward stage for several decades. He's used to being treated as a freak, but when he discovers that Bella is somehow attracted to the "tragic bad boy" aspect of vampirism, he completely looses his cool and becomes just as neurotic as you'd expect an immortal virgin to be when a girl starts making eyes at him.

The best way to improve the story, as I see it, is to depict their romance like actual teenage love. Which is to say, painfully awkward.

*She has tried and failed to use them to her advantage and make herself look mysterious/interesting.

**Maybe he has a more vampire-y last name.