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 Posting a reply to post #19580

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19580 No.19580
I'm not sure if this will actually go anywhere, but it's fun to talk about: The Legend of Zelda set in a noir theme.

Short plot derived between myself, Spider-Anon and Doctor Hal: Detective Link and beat cop Linebeck must discover the truth behind the disappearance of popular lounge singer "Princess" Zelda. Suspects include the rival singer Midna, who had a lot to gain from Zelda's vanishing act, suspected mafioso Ganondorf, who has been a long-time fan of the Princess, and was recently spurned by her after a private proposition, and Zelda herself, who has disappeared on many an occasion in costume to live her life away from the glitz and glamour of the stage, this time deciding to stay gone permanently.

Other stuff I decided: There'll still be the different races; Hylians, Goron, Zora, maybe the Kokiri. Whether or not swords and sorcery will still be included is still up in the air. Ganon's lieutenants will be Vaati and Zant, and the three of them look damn nice in suits. Zant rips his whenever he gets overly-excited.

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Now see what I was trying to tell you before it's a zelda related project, it means he's going to have to go to the far reaches of the continent in search of some mystic chotchkies that will have some ultimate purpose.

This is an idea I came up with ages ago that actually works here with the singer concept. I had Ganondorf using his considerable resources to have him mean steal these artifacts from various museums known only as "Echoing Jars" Legend had it that contained in each of these jars was an ancient spell that could only be used a certain way.

In this case that "Certain way" it so have them harmonized with the voice of a decedent of the royal family of Hyrule.

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Oooo, I like that idea. I like it a lot. Well done!

Linebeck is the best sidekick. Though I'd almost have him as an allied petty criminal than a beat cop.

Also, I still think 'Ganon' sounds better than "Ganondorf'.

Either works. I was leaning more towards 'ex-cop turned confidence man' myself, anyway.

>Whether or not swords and sorcery will still be included is still up in the air.
Does that mean that Link may end up with the Master Thompson?

So what does that make the Triforce? The symbol of some cult?

If by 'cult' you mean 'religion.' Which I'm pretty sure is the Triforce's actual status anyway.


Look, Link needs a close range attack and a long range attack. He definitely needs a sword, and in stead of an arrow, MAGIC TOMMY GUN THAT SHOOTS FLAME BULLETS, ICE BULLETS, AND LIGHT BULLETS!

Why? Because a dude in a long green trench coat, fedora and tie waving around a huge magic sword as he slays MAFIOSO MONSTERS IN FINE ITALIAN SUITS WOULD BE AWESOME!

Mmmm, Zelda AUs. These really never get old for me.

I love fiddling with an Old West setting (Twilight Princess REALLY makes me want it like mad), and I did have an idea for a noir story at one point. Link's Master Sword is a mere engraving on his revolver, which has rune bullets, and he was essentially Lobster Johnson with Goron and Zora backup.

Yeah but I'm just wondering if a missing Zelda would turn it into some kind of slightly Lovecraftian romp. THE TIME OF THE GODESSESS' RETURN IS NIGH!

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I'm reminded of this comic....

"The Master Sword" is a gun; perhaps a .357 revolver with the tri-force on the grip.

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DVan was nice enough to make this for me, despite not knowing any of the characters.


the title sucks, f.y.i. Noir is just french for black, so your title is literally "The Black of Zelda"

But it is also a widely accepted term for this variation of the detective genre.

It could be worded a little better, though. Like "Zelda Noir" or "The Mystery of Zelda."

I agree with the both of you. I was just in a hurry to get the thread made. Probably could've spent a bit more time coming up with a title proper. Apologies.

Loan words are not always literal.

"I walk up to Deku's place. This old house means a lot to me. Or at least it did. It was where I hung out as a kid. Back with the old boys. We liked to play pretend a lot around this old place. Say we were pirates and Peter Pan's gang of misfits. Said that we'd never grow up. Course I was always captain hook.

As I walk to the door I meet an old friend. She's a familiar dame. The kind you never forget. She was an old friend of mine. Well not friend really. Saria was my only friend. She was more like the kinda girl who just seemed to hate you for no reason. Ya never did anything to her. Never rude, never stepped on her toes. She just up and decided to be a bitch one day and that was that.

She's a bouncer here now. No surprise. She tells me not to go in but she takes one look at my gun and decides it's best to just lemme by. After all she wouldn't care if I died tonight. Doubt anyone would. I walked in and there she was. Queen Goma as she liked to be called.

The original owner of this place, Mr. Deku as we called him, was a swell man. The kinda man who didn't mind if kids were hanging around his dark bar because he knew he had nothing to hide. He was good with kids and most of us treated him like a father. Little did we realize that Goma was already setting her sights on the poor old bastard's pub.

Couple of her boys broke in one night and tore up the joint. He didn't mind. Just re-built and kept on business as usual. She didn't like that. Decided that she'd buy the place out. Course his was privately owned so that was difficult. Mr. Deku had no family so extortion wouldn't work. Looked like she found a nut that wouldn't crack... that was until she started praying on us.

I look that bitch cold dead in her single eye. Remembering full well how she lost her other one. It was a dead night when she came in with a hand gun up against Saria's head. The rest of us were too afraid to do anything. Her demands were simple. She gets the pub, she lets Saria go. Deku refuses... and the alternative becomes apparent.

Deku the poor slug wasn't gonna let a kid die on his watch. The old man writes over the rights to his pub, his only home and foundation, and watches as she just smirks at his signature while her boys chuckle like idiots in the background. In rage, I grab the only weapon close by. A switchblade we kids kept around and passed between one another. It was our only defense... and as it turned out it became our first offense.

I don't remember much but I recall jumping at her, I remember swinging the switchblade down and I remember a scream of pure pain and anger and I feel my hand rip into something soft and then go flying out. As I come out of it I see Goma with her hand over her left eye. Blood pouring out of it and a look that says all bets are off. Saria's down from her grasp. Now I'm her target. She fires at me... and Deku, that old softie, takes a bullet for the team... literally.

We ran that night as Goma and her boys started wrecking the place. So much was happening that I could barely register. But I remember Deku's bloody, soulless eyes looking deadly at me as his skin turns pale and the life slowly drains from his body.

I'm standing in front of her royal bitchiness right now. Her eyepatch covering up the scar I left. She's older now and it's showing. But she still looks as pompous and as arrogant as the day she walked into this pub and decided to take it for her own.

'Queen Goma?' I ask.

'What do you want?' her question is quick and dismissive as though I'm just another poor soul who's looking to suck from her boot. I intent to prove her wronger than she's ever been.

'I'm looking for a stolen jewel,' I say casually 'ever heard of it? Bright green emerald. Gold trimming around it. Suppose to be a gift for the cathedral.'

She twitches. She moves her hand to her face to scratch near her eyepatch. That's all I need. She's nervous. I'm almost positive that anything she says at this point is a bluff.

'Sorry. Never heard of it,' she comments.

'Then explain why one of your cronies just spilled the beans about the emerald being in YOUR possession,' I comment as I hold up a familiar hat to her. It belonged to Johnny, one of her old boys. Poor sap never saw me coming.

She tenses. I can tell I'm on the right track.

'Who are you?' she demands angrily. Now I think. I can tell her my name and my profession. She'll simply tell her boys to lynch me. I could simply bluff and say I'm a concerned citizen. But she'll never buy it. I've already bitten off plenty. No, only place left to go is to trip her up. And lucky for me, I have just the offer.

'You may not know this but we've met before," I say as I coyly reach into my pocket and proceed to pull out what looks to be a Swiss army knife. Suddenly I switch it open and she sees a very familiar switchblade with a very familiar bloodstain across it. The look on her face can't even compare to the worth of that emerald.

'Remember me?' I say.

Two hours later and I'm a little worse for wear. My coat's a little torn up and I'm bleeding in a few places but I have what I came for. The emerald's safely stashed inside my coat and I proceed to go about doing the nasty work that needs to be done. I pour gasoline across the bar stool, across the benches and tables. Across the seats and the bathroom and anything that looks like it could burn. The patrons all fled the moment Goma and her cronies started shooting. All that's left are the bodies of Goma's stooges and the old hag herself.

I'm not just burning this place down to hide the evidence. Police are corrupt enough in this city that if an urchin like Goma winds up dead they probably wouldn't care. This is for Deku. This is for the old man who gave his life so a crummy kid like me could have a future. I leave the place, throw in a match and watch as the symbol for everything Deku had lost to Goma goes up in smoke.

Some would say that's my childhood I'm burning but I don't think so. It's just a bar, and besides. I don't drink."

So what do ya think? Too GRIMDARK?

Oh no, oh no! I enjoyed it immensely, I really did.

Great work, Shirou!

Unrelated, kNOWREDGE suggested the Gerudo people be treated like the Irish immigrants. Which makes a whole lot of sense to me. It's easier to explain the corruption of the police if a mafioso head is their chosen one.

I quite like this.

That written piece is good, but it seems really odd to have Link as this hardened detective. I think it'd be better to have him as this pretty average guy who gets suddenly pulled into all of this muck with the mafia. It'd be a bit more grounded in the games' characterizations that way.


>I think it'd be better to have him as this pretty average guy who gets suddenly pulled into all of this muck with the mafia

Now see. That'd work for a Phoenix Wright kinda story. This is a noir story so it'd have to play to noir elements.


It would work if it was something of a mix between the two. A "green" PI gets accidentally involved, and attempts to learn the ropes while tackling this crazy situation, slowly becoming less adventurous and more grizzled as it goes on. So like, slow and subtle change from pulp sidekick to grim and gritty PI.

Keep going! That was an AWESOME right up!


Sorry but I don't have much of a clue where to go from here.

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