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News
  • 08/21/12 - Poll ended; /cod/ split off as a new board from /pco/.

File 133512871240.gif - (12.46KB , 650x450 , 04845.gif )
64696 No. 64696
Old thread is autosaging >>64226

Shit son, this whole thing just got a lot more interesting.
Expand all images
>> No. 64697
This is all pretty crazy future business right here. I'm wondering just how late in the game Jake will actually join...well, the game.
Also sometimes I forget over humans even exist in this comic. I mean, they don't even appear as silhouettes like some trolls did.
>> No. 64698
Hussie kind of sucks dick at exposition, huh?

All the same, his sketch of this apocalypse has been hella better than the last few. If overcomplicated.

I like the carapace slums, it's like he combined District 9 and Waterworld. Not bad, although I give it like a week before those poor bastards are killed in some kind of player-caused explosion.
>> No. 64699
That sure is a lot of new information right there. Though I wonder if any of it is going to be relevant in the end, considering they all plan to jump into the game and leave Earth behind.
>> No. 64700
>>64699
Did we not see what was going on on Earth with the original kids? Likely the same for these ones as well.
I am kind of disappointed about the human extinction thing. Really wondering how Condesce went about troll cloning; would like more info on that perhaps.
>> No. 64701
>>64698
Yeah he's been doing "exposition log" thing for ages. And hey, Dirk had some Rose parallels anyway!
As for the District 9 thing, I guess it's up to me to say it.
fokken pawns
>> No. 64702
>>64698
>Hussie kind of sucks dick at exposition, huh?

No, not really.
>> No. 64703
Makes sense, the player race is supposed to go extinct and exiles are suppred to inherit the planet. Maybe that's what English is trying to do, put the derailed game back on track?
>> No. 64704
Hey, where did Condesce get her Glyb'lgloyb? That monster died back on Alternia when the meteors dropped.
>> No. 64705
>>64704
It's either a clone (ecto or 'normal') or she just asked the Gods to send her a new one.
>> No. 64706
>>64701
>And hey, Dirk had some Rose parallels anyway!
Do you mean like talking a lot about stuff only they seem to know?
>> No. 64709
>>64704
the original Glyb'lgloyb was a "gift" from doc scratch, a "sentience warming present" or something, so the new one was probably given to her by English when she became his employee
>> No. 64710
How does a baby raise his own self without any humanoid interaction and through a puppet? Dirk shouldn't have this much understanding of any language if he wasn't raised by another person.
>> No. 64711
>>64710
Hussie doesn't give a shit about linguistics.
>> No. 64712
>>64711
He really doesn't. Don't get me started on that bullshit about humans only having one type of love, it sent me into conniptions.
>> No. 64713
>>64712
Isn't troll love just a broken up and twisted around version of normal human anyway?
>> No. 64714
>>64712
Huh? What does that have to do with linguistics?

Also the narration in that part was supposed to be quoting Karkat and trusting the reader to laugh at him for being so obviously wrong.
>> No. 64715
>>64710
By being awake on Derse, I suppose. He and Jade (who also mostly grew up alone) might have been taught language by the carapaces in their dreams.
>> No. 64716
>>64715
Jade was raised by her Grandpa during the first few crucial years of her life though. Grandpa probably taught her the basics of reading and writing.

Even if it's possible that he woke up on Derse as a toddler, how was he able to take care of himself when he was awake?
>> No. 64727
>>64716
Hell, how in the world was he able to live to toddler-hood if he didn't have any human contact. I mean there are studies that babies actually DIE if they never been cuddled by a human being.
>> No. 64728
>>64727
lmao i'm gonna need a source buddy

also be patient he's gonna explain that
>> No. 64730
obv dirk is a big fat liar and he had a guardian of some sorts
>> No. 64731
>>64716
i don't know maybe because he was born in a lab and began living at the age of two or three unlike most humans who have an infant stage of life. plus it is supposed to be absurd.

bro threw dave off of a building when he was a toddler and dave survived because he ninjastepped or teleported or some shit. these aren't normal kids with normal abilities.

it's just a silly thing to get hung up about?
>> No. 64732
I'm guessing scratch!Dave left some sort of robotic care taker. Possibly with the head of a a snoop dogg.
>> No. 64733
>>64728
Here's one:
http://www.benbenjamin.net/pdfs/Issue2.pdf

All you have to do is google "can human babies die from the lack of physical contact" and it takes to to all sorts of articles about the subject.
>> No. 64735
what if cal really did take care of dirk
>> No. 64736
>>64732
I read that as "robotic cake taser" and it made absolute sense that way.
>> No. 64737
>>64733
Now look up the science of ectobiology.
>> No. 64740
>>64735
most likely explanation given what we know about cal so far

disquieting implications aside
>> No. 64741
File 133518873299.gif - (7.67KB , 276x288 , 1335139947543.gif )
64741
>>64730
>yfw it's BQ
>> No. 64744
>>64716
He's always been awake on both Derse and Earth.
>> No. 64746
>>64733
where's yer scientific articles? the ones about the studies done to prove this? i can't find sources myself, probably because it's impossible to test or do case studies.

the closest you will come to it is harlow's monkey experiments, which do show that without soft objects--not even real touch, just something for them to grab onto that is soft and warm makes a huge difference--babies will go insane and/or fail to thrive, but they won't *die* just because they weren't handled. i think some refused to eat because they were too scared or possibly suicidal so they kicked the bucket, but while lack of touch was obviously a trigger it wasn't the method of death.

if we're going to relate the harlow experiments to this completely inane argument about dirk, dirk has cal in waking hours and "human" contact via carapaces on derse. he's not a wire cage kid. a more pressing question is where he would find food if he can't get off his apartment island but you know what, i don't fucking care. it's not important or even that strange considering what else has happened in homestuck up to this point.

case closed.
>> No. 64752
Come on guys, it's one of those things that might not make much sense but we're supposed to ignore since this is not a serious story.
>> No. 64753
>>64752
It would be easier to swallow stuff like this if Hussie didn't take care to consider subtle realistic touches for other things on the story. The range of plausibility is all over the place.
>> No. 64758
>>64714
>What does that have to do with linguistics?
Humanity it not a monoculture. We have lots of different languages, slangs and dialects with words that are synonymous with romance, but with differing nuances.
>> No. 64763
has there been any studies done about if you're a baby who's raised by exiled sentient chess pawns on a world ruled by an evil alien empress
>> No. 64764
So Dirk and Roxy are the last humans in their time... but I have the sneaking suspicion that there never WERE other people to begin with. Not in Jake/Jane's time and not in the beta kids either.

This whole earth atmosphere is just set up to give the alpha and beta kids a 'realistic' life so they can start their games relatively sane.

Dad feeds John/Jane cake and other Crocker goods because the factory(or remains of it) is the only place with food in it. John has even claimed to have neighbors but never sees them.

Bro probably spent all his time 'designing' Texas with robotics and the like so by the time Dave arrives, it looks/sounds like a normal city

etc etc etc. I'm not the only one to think this, am I? Have other people ever been referenced? (besides Cosby, Crosby, Snoop etc)
>> No. 64765
>>64763
Just one. Apparently you become borderline schizophrenic and flip out whenever in contact with a ninja sword.
>> No. 64766
>>64764
that would be needlessly complex, add nothing to the story, and be overall stupid.
>> No. 64767
>>64764
Colonel Sassacre surely existed, and raised Nanna and Hass. Dad surely had at least one serious business chum.

I mean, there's some cleverness to your theory here. But I think what you're interpreting as a property of the world is really just a property of the narrative structure (to the extent that they're separate), and that because of that, your theory ends up about as credible as the theory that nobody in Final Fantasy poops.
>> No. 64769
>>64767

I see your point. I probably wouldn't bug me so much if any of them mentioned having other friends. Anyways, Dad(s)/Sassacres is(are) a universal constant. Or the only successful attempt at the creation of a lusus for human kids. Dad's buddies are just other 'Dads' in parallel universes or something. I also count Nanna, etc among the betas.

Also, you have to eat to poop
>> No. 64777
>>64735
>>64740
this this this

cal cuddled and raised the fuck out of dirk

probably also whispered into his ear in order to teach him english

best theory
>> No. 64779
>>64777
>probably also whispered into his ear in order to teach him english
>TEACH HIM ENGLISH
>ENGLISH
( ´д`)
>> No. 64780
But babies can't change their own baby ass diapers, that's not how things work!
>> No. 64781
>>64780
who says dirk wore clothes at all until he was like 13 or whatever

i wouldn't wear clothes if i was in his place
>> No. 64782
This update also raises the question how do carapaces naturally reproduce? We've seen some evidence that they have children in [S]Seer:Decend through the books and those in Roxy's shanty town are natural born due to the lack of barcodes. If the reproduce the same way as humans do, wouldn't her highness impose the same regulations she used for the humans?
>> No. 64784
Jade sticking it to the Condece when ever she could.

I can't wait to see the Alpha kids curbstomp her.
>> No. 64786
>>64764
There was also that time Dad took John to Cirque de Soleil. DEBUNK!
>> No. 64787
There is going to be some hella nonsense time reach around thing where Lord English ends up stealing the name "English" from Jake isnt there?
>> No. 64788
>>64787
Probably. It's still entirely possible that they're the same person.
>> No. 64789
>>64782
We didn't see their barcodes but that doesn't mean they didn't have any. The other carapaces usually aren't drawn with their barcodes visible, either.
>> No. 64792
Even in the reset universe

John is a clueless idiot.
>> No. 64793
>>64792
He is?
How so?
>> No. 64794
>>64792
I don't think he's a clueless idiot. He probably tries to not let anything negative get him down.
>> No. 64795
Finally, Jake's link to Lord English explained!

Yeah!
>> No. 64796
>>64795
Yeah that was kinda obvious in retrospect.
So obvious, in fact, that it almost kinda makes another relevance more probable.
>> No. 64797
Theory time! We get a brand spanking new big bad named Harley!
>> No. 64798
>>64797
But Harley came from Grandpa Harley's inability to pronounce "Halley" right as a baby.
>> No. 64799
So are Vriska and Tavros somehow controlling the Condence from beyond the dead?
>> No. 64800
>>64799
I think that was supposed to be Baroness using some machine to get powers like they have instead of being controlled by them from the afterlife.
>> No. 64801
>>64799
That's what I thought too. But from what we know, I doubt Tavros' communion powers work on trolls. Besides - as the highest blood, the Condesce's psychic resistance should be almost impossible to overcome even for Vriska.
I could be forgetting things though.
>> No. 64803
Wait.

This doesn't have anything to do with Gamzee prototyping Vriska and Tavros does it?

If that rat bastard is going to prototype all of the dead trolls so the Empress can gain access to all of their powers....
>> No. 64804
File 133528398935.png - (2.71MB , 1920x1080 , bg_main.png )
64804
>>64752

>not a serious story

This is some Silmarillion level shit right here, man. We've got incestual time loops already. Fuck, Condesce is basically Sauron to Lord English's Melkor.

We don't even have a motivation for English beyond him being a universe-munching prick. I have the bad feeling Homestuck is one of those stories where the heroes' winning won't have very much effect, because none of them are especially heroic to begin with. Or even admirable.
>> No. 64806
so yeah, it seems pretty obvious that the batterwitch killed scratch!Jade.

But then I thought, hang on a tic, Jade wouldn't let the batterwitch anywhere near her. What if instead it was a mind controlled Jane?
>> No. 64808
>>64803
it was a post-entry prototyping so it wouldn't have affected the prototype towers

in fact there are no prototype towers because none of the A kids will succeed at prototyping pre-entry

(also the ring only works on carapaces)

>>64804
To me, successfully beating the new Queen, escaping English and establishing a new universe seems like success enough. It might not affect the setting on its widest scale, but you can't argue that it wouldn't have an effect at all.
>> No. 64813
>>64804
I hope Lord English never gets a motivation beyond eating universes because he can/he has to in order to keep existing. Trying to give depth to a terrifying destructive force with a face is, I don't know, just kind of lame and unnecessary. We don't need to know about Lord English's inner thoughts and feelings and we need to know that he has thoughts and feelings even less.
>> No. 64814
>>64813
I hope he'll get some motivation as to why is he doing the things he's doing with the reset human universe. Something besides "raagh i must be an antagonist".
>> No. 64815
>>64806
You are saying a five or six-year old killed a grown woman? Is that what you are saying?
>> No. 64820
>>64815
He is saying a five year old somehow traveled from Washington state to a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean to assassinate an elderly but fit as hell woman, succeeded, and then returned to Washington with no memory of the incident. The method Jane chose to use against Jade was to bite her to death with three very long fangs. We saw the Condesce's ship flying away, but there's no way the Condesce dropped down and stabbed Jade with her trident. That would be silly.
>> No. 64821
>>64820

I think what will probably happen are temporal shenanigans and Jane's awkwardness end up killing Scratch!Jade.

It will be like Tavros killing Grandpa all over again.
>> No. 64825
really if there's anything unexpected to blame for this it's whatever might be in the frog temple time capsule lotus

since granny jade was exploring the ruins when she bought the farm

(also the timing is about right for WK and Bec Noir to bust out of it in Roxy and Dirk's era... makes me wonder what glubglub will have to say about that)
>> No. 64829
And we have Dave's silhouette. I wonder if we are going to see R-Rose's, R-Jade's, and R-Dave's sprites up close anytime soon?

Also the second to last panel just further indicates that UU/uu are the same being.
>> No. 64830
>The WAB films are generally regarded as so unremarkably mediocre they dont even attract any trolls who care enough to shit on it.
It's true!
>> No. 64831
>>64829
Another theory is that they are holding something back, and that something being represented by whatever Calmasis is.
>> No. 64832
So there is a troll with shackles bearing UU and uu symbols.
>> No. 64833
>>64832
Calmasis has the wrong skin color to be a troll - too dark a grey, compared to what we've seen of UU's hand and every previous troll character. There's a fifty-fifty chance that Calmasis /represents/ UU & uu, but Calmasis hirself is just a human character in Rose's book.
>> No. 64835
Prediction: Calmasis is Slick

Reasoning: fuck you
>> No. 64837
>>64830
I think that Jake is honest despite thinking that it's a masterpiece. It probably cracked Dirk up.
>> No. 64838
I think that UU had a dream about Lord English.
>> No. 64839
calmasis is hussie

hes the only one who we know to have killed enough people
>> No. 64842
>>64833
Calmasis is a troll of color. Hussie is experimenting with racial diversity.
>> No. 64843
>>64842

So does that mean Gamzee has been wearing some troll version of black face? Is Gamzee a RACIST?!?
>> No. 64844
>>64843
Of course he is

he's a juggalo, remember?
>> No. 64845
Hm. Hi guys. I'm a little slowpoke some reasons. First of it is the reason I have discovered Homestuck for myself not a long time ago and I read it slowly.
The second one makes me feel double slowpoke because I can't find on mspadotcom the author's e-mail. Can you named Hussie's e-mail please?
Some guy from LoRaR
>> No. 64847
>>64845
Yeah, it's linked above each of his news updates (below the comic). It's just "andrewhussie" at Gmail.
>> No. 64848
>>64847
Where? I don't see it! Cant't find! But you know what? Whatever.
Slowpanic.jpeg
Ok, so is andrewhussie(a)gmail(dot-diddley-ot)com?
>> No. 64852
UPDATE

GUY FIERI

JUGGALOS
>> No. 64853
GUY FIERI, THE GREATEST GENOCIDE IN HUMAN HISTORY

ALSO A MAN WHO REALLY KNEW HIS DINERS
>> No. 64854
File 133540866365.jpg - (164.85KB , 1024x769 , _tmp.jpg )
64854
i want a flash where guy fieri battles chairman dacasos and his iron chefs
>> No. 64855
WHAT THE SHIT DID I JUST READ
>> No. 64856
>TT: They were swept into office on a wave of Faygo, and the presidential inauguration was the biggest Gathering of the Juggalos of all time.
>TT: They all hosed each other down on the Whitehouse lawn with shitty soda. The "D.C." in the capital thereafter officially stood for "Dark Carnival."

God bless America.

>>64848
Yep! His name is the actual hyperlink to it, lol. But you've got it now anyway.
>> No. 64857
this is one of those times where homestuck uses some reference for a joke and it just falls flat to me

both the fieri and the ICP one, but maybe it's because I'm not american
>> No. 64858
>>64857
Basically? Guy fieri is a jackass who hosts a show on the Food Network. The Insane Clown Posse is a pair of shitty white rappers who rap about magic, clown shit, and people dying.

That's basically the joke. The joke is that such an absurd and trivial trio of "celebrities" could be responsible for the fall of human democracy.
>> No. 64859
>>64858
I got both references (how the fuck can you read HS and not know about ICP) and to me it fell flat because I'm not american/don't care about these people, that's what I'm saying. I just think that for the most part referential humor is a poor form of comedy and Hussie can do better, but whatever since it's just one update anyway.
>> No. 64860
>>64859
This comic has made use of such a wide plethora of celebrities, that this all seems in order.
>> No. 64861
>>64859
...I'm an american, and I didn't know these people even existed before reading homestuck. I still found the sheer absurdity of the situation amusing, though.
>> No. 64863
>TT: He eventually came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.
>third and final Antichrist.
Hussie knows his apocalyptic prophecies.
>> No. 64864
Haha, normally minor celebrities have no chance of achieving any position of power, but in the wacky world of homestuck they do!
>> No. 64865
This update reads just like those American action movies where everything happens in America and defines everything for the rest of the world. With presidents of the world. Because America invented democracy and civilization andmericamericamericameeica

Oh wait. That's just like real life :(
>> No. 64866
So...the fall of the US is the fall of civilization?
Goddamit murrica, stop with this shit.
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