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  • 08/21/12 - Poll ended; /cod/ split off as a new board from /pco/.

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37919 No. 37919
/co/lette /co/nard comic. Some of the early pages were lost or destroyed so I had to redraw them digitally.

These are NOT finished pages, just storyboards. When all the layouts are drawn up and satisfactory, then I'll do inks. Layout critique/feedback would be helpful (the art is below-average at best). I'm aiming for 24 pages.
Expand all images
>> No. 37920
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The digitally storyboarded pieces admittedly look much crisper and cleaner than the pencil-drawn pages, at the expense of time - when digitally drawing I tend to obsess over details, often sculpting characters instead of forming broad strokes or expressions.
>> No. 37921
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The first of the paper pieces. They do not all look this abysmal, though.
>> No. 37922
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Pencil-drawn pages don't accommodate for the range of editing options that a digital program does. Sellotape was employed on this page to excise unwanted panels.
>> No. 37924
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Becky is the name of the /ck/ tan. Becky's Cafe is across the street from the Fa/tg/uy Emporium.
>> No. 37925
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Some practice in storyboarding starts to pay off - characters look less inexcusably rough and just messy rough instead. Some inspiration from Glen Keane and The Spirit (good book).
>> No. 37926
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Cliched noir setting. Didn't want to dwell on it too long, we all know the tropes at this point. Also, bum shot.
>> No. 37927
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Beginning of Colette's backstory. Some level of comic book trivia taken for granted. Credit to the Anons who provided Colette's civilian and hero designs, and credit to the Anon who produced the fivedollarcomics.jpg images, as they helped shape the backstory of the gauntlets (as well as the concept of Commander/Phantom Fist).
>> No. 37929
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Bottom panels heavily inspired by The Spirit. This is the last page for now - I intend on doing 24, seeing how they fare for feedback, then maybe producing more chapters - I have a cohesive narrative arc in mind filling out at least 8 chapters. Will continue to update thread as story progresses.
>> No. 37930
Pretty cute and good story pacing. You seem to have a solid idea of their personalities and quirks, at least how you see them, so their actions/behaviors don't seem to contradict themselves.

Since its a storyboard, the mooshed action artwork is expected. You should actually focus more on desired poses rather than details at this stage, anyway, if you plan on going back and and doing a finished work. It'll make fitting text and backgrounds easier. Thankfully, I can't see more than two panels where the posing is too squished to get a sense of scale.

Oh! And unless I'm wrong, I think its /co/nrad, not /co/nard, but looks like you actually knew that in-text. Lookin' forward to the finished work!
>> No. 37931
Just how many names do you post under Endpiece, goddamn.
>> No. 37934
I love the designs and the characters. I fully support this story.
>> No. 37941
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>> No. 37985
Like it, mate. Really dig it.
So, what happened to the other one? Didn't go through or someshite?
>> No. 38029
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Apologies for the delay, here's the next 15 pages!

This is the obligatory "first time writer tries to be 'clever' and 'meta' with the script and layout" page. Honestly though, if you think I'm going to spend more than a panel let alone a page on people discussing comics in a comic... this issue's the ultimate in-joke already, really.
>> No. 38030
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Roxanne, the shy little horror girl with a bit of an obsession with the paranormal. Just a bit. I like her, though.

Ideal occupation for the girl: assistant clerk at the Fatguy Emporium, or somewhere lacking sharp corners and utensils.

Unideal occupation for the girl: assistant clerk at Demona's sex shop.
>> No. 38031
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Conrad is a dick. Presumably he's had experience with Roxanne prior to the comic. Too bad Colette sets the girl off anyway - Conrad has that attempt at an expression we all recognise - "so close, yet so far". And why doesn't Roxanne wear pants?
>> No. 38032
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Ahh, we see it now - Roxanne's a little off the deep end. She's a sweet girl, though, and we'll see more of her eventually (I hear the Fatguy finds her creativity riveting!). Meanwhile Conrad, the man who just can't seem to concentrate, seems to be offering Colette a choice - either he can work on her case and presumably remain flat-broke for however long it takes, or he can take the rich job and leave Colette in the dust. He's not saying anything like "oh hey maybe we can do this now and this later", it's just X or Y. Colette's just thinking What The Hell, Conrad.
>> No. 38033
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You notice how the proportions on the characters go out of whack all the time? I'm still getting a hang on a consistent artstyle and designs for these characters. Conrad seems to have a genuine problem when it comes to decision-making - not the healthiest flaw for a detective to have. More in-fighting and general bitching ensues. =(
>> No. 38034
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He's a paranoid detective. She's a short-sighted superheroine. They fight crime! "<

And we get an introduction to the second ORIGINAL CHARACTER DONUT STEEL villain. First it's the One-Eyed Monster, now it's White Dwarf who seems to have a Napoleon complex in which he isn't actually that small but just hires humungous thugs to loom over him.
>> No. 38035
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Some of the best and worst drawings of White Dwarf in the comic on the same page? Willikers. Everyone's on edge - Mr White apparently hates buildings, Conrad takes another jibe in his stride, and Colette has issues trying to negotiate with a supervillain. And why wouldn't she?

Also check out the mophead, he's like Dr Tenma with a wig. And on steroids.
>> No. 38036
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"The power to shrink and grow people!" And maybe more! Not sure how useful that could prove as a superpower per se, but I've seen sillier ideas get deadly with the right execution.

And it turns out the man who switches between 'douchebag executive' and 'greased up hobo' every panel has a nephew! An awkward, gangly youth with camera shyness. The plot thickens and Conrad puts on his serious face.
>> No. 38037
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Colette's had it up to here with not knowing what the hell's going on - the scene changes from meeting with Dwarf to later on in the night elsewhere, to even later on in the night back at Colette's house, to so far later on it's actually breakfast time. As a bonus for you slogging through the White Dwarf pages, have some workshirt!Colette with her hair down.
>> No. 38038
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/An/nabelle, D/ic/k, Cedri/cGl/assman, and... /v/. Vincent? Conrad seems to have a renewed sense of determination (still going solo for whatever reason) but his efforts are fruitless.
>> No. 38039
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The Fatguy is one of my favourite characters, which is saying a lot for how little anyone's made an appearance in this issue. He's a decent fella with a rocking power glove/fist/arm, putting the business and the fans above such petty concerns such as hygiene... but is he trying to hide something from Conrad?
>> No. 38041
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More attempts at drawing hands. Every now and then I crack open an Asterix book ... .cbr file and just enjoy the cartoony artwork. Apparently Fatguy has some issues with Conrad's attitude. I wonder if other people see Conrad's trying to be a detective with pity or scorn?
>> No. 38043
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"5 minutes" seems to be a phrase that brings up unpleasant memories. Does Conrad have a grimy skeleton in his closet? Maybe he just pretends to be mysterious to blag free stuff. What's more mysterious is that Doc Ock ripoff - there's a good chance Becky may be in danger, especially if more of her cafe walls are suddenly turned into dialogue boxes.
>> No. 38044
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The sting - wherein we realise a supervillain had less than noble intentions with his nephew. Shock. We also get to see Becky unharmed, which is nice, but you kind of have to feel for the kid - trapped in a world he wanted no part in. He can't be older than 10 or 11, right?

Anyway this is the last page of this issue. I've already got the next two issues bullet-pointed (more on the Fatguy, Becky and Roxanne; details on White Dwarf's horrible weakness; the introduction of the "Ms. Connie" that Conrad wants nothing to do with; Conrad getting called out on his shit; shenanigans, heads being busted, jailbreaks, etc) but yeah - how's the story going for you guys so far?
>> No. 38045
Come to think of it, it kind of sucks that we don't have spoiler images or stuff on here at the moment. Would make it easier to post stuff on /draw/, although there is the alternative of using a website or .cbr file.
>> No. 38046
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Also some random concept art, which is nice.
>> No. 38047
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By the way, does anyone know who drew this? I need to give credit to the right people, otherwise it's just going to be "Anonymous" like... well, everything else really.
>> No. 38048
>> No. 38049

That wasn't actually drawn, it's a scan of an actual ad. The reason it was used was because the comic it was from was some batshit insane comic book from the 1970s. It made Grant Morrision look sane.
>> No. 38838
Bump because I want to see this followed up on.
>> No. 40485
I usually don't post here
But it would be interesting to see what happen next
>> No. 41884
I'm too lazy to ALT-click the pictures; could somebody make a new ZIP file or whatever?
>> No. 41996
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page 23.
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