The old thread is still up and not past bump limit

https://plus4chan.org/b/coc/res/36776.html

>>47766
Old thread was belonging to a old project and the new one is rebooting and reviving. Putting it there would also tie into the 'second wave' Motion project, which was a huge bomb.

>>47767
So what's changed from then to now?

What's different?

>>47769
OP came to /lgbt/ to ask for some help by getting first hand ideas from trans people. Overall there's less focus on her being trans from what i can tell and more only mentioning when relevant, which is much more realistic of how a majority of trans people live their lives.

Also OP, if you make it back to that thread, ignor 'crystal princess' She's notoriously terrible and oversensitive.

>>47772
The focus sounds pretty much the same as it was last time this was tried.

The superhero parts are easy to follow
>Alex goes to the factory
>Generator blows up
>Get powers

>Fight some lower level criminals
>Be reckless and cause collateral damage
>The supervillain Rime is created because of said damage

>Be trying to catch a thief
>Lab accident
>Thief gets powers and Jhonny Volt is added to the rogues gallery

>One of these research centers abducts a homeless lady to experiment on
>Homeless lady is mentally ill and breaks out with new super powers
>Dangerously unstable walking plague, Toxique, sees Motion as a threat after first encounter

>Get publicity for fighting all these new supervillains
>Some guy decides he can be a hero to and builds a suit
>But he's a pyro and Motion has to bring Calor down before he kills someone

>All these destroyed factories
>Investors ask Thunder to go deal with Motion
>Thunder comes to town to wreck Motion's shit

It's all pretty straightforward until we get to the social life parts, which are just roadblock after roadblock for no apparent reason other than people won't stop bitching.

OP's script will have to steamroll that shit over if he hopes to go anywhere with it.

>>47772
I didn't make the /lgbt/ thread but I did participate. I was pleased with the reception of my ideas there.

>>47778
Yeah, that seems to be the point of contention. I'm still working on the script. I had to start over after I decided the original format I wanted wasn't going to work. That and I have a life beyond the script.

So I'm still hammering things out but making progress.

>>47780
Progress is great. Just remember to put some of it here if you can; I'm totally interested in following it, as are others, I'm sure, but I'm traveling for a few tomorrow, so I might miss it in a traditional thread. Keep that fire burning, bro. I think Motion's a great idea.

Here's my big question:
What I'm I supposed to put on her wiki page under the History section?

>>47778
>Motion's out on patrol and meets a shapeshifter
>Shapeshifter easily figures out everything about Motion
>Delta doesn't help or hinder her, just likes hanging around her for whatever reasons

>>47786
This depends entirely on what we're doing with the universe. I'm not an expert on Delta but if she's a shapeshifter that breaks the theme of basic 'science' that powers are built upon.

From what I've read, Delta seems far, far more like a character designed entirely to mirror Motion for the sake of mirroring her and pointing out Motion's gender status. Does she offer anything in the way of the story?

I wanna know what her deal is.

Also as an update, I'm still writing up the script. Made good progress but life keeps interrupting.

>>47789
I wasn't in on Delta's creation, but here's my take on it

Delta was conceived as a foil to Motion's problems, a way to diffuse the stagnating drama by being silly and offering bizarre visual exaggerations on ideal appearances. You describe something ideal to Delta and Delta will take that description and literally become it to show someone that it may or not be as great as they though it would be.

Delta is pretty much there to keep Motion from getting hung up on anything while out on patrol from what I've seen, and also there to force Alex to go do more social events, though that's mostly because it amuses Delta.

Sort of like comic relief character, but also fitting the "identity" theme that someone brought up since Delta can assume any identity Delta wants.

Delta is still a blank slate story wise and can be used as needed. Could've been a lazy super hero working the same city before Motion showed up.

>>47778
>It's all pretty straightforward until we get to the social life parts, which are just roadblock after roadblock for no apparent reason other than people won't stop bitching.

This sounds boring because if it's nothing but the characters complaining, they're all essentially a bunch of whiners. There's nothing interesting about a comic composed of crybabies.

>OP's script will have to steamroll that shit over if he hopes to go anywhere with it.
If by "steamroll that shit over" you were referring to the complaining, then my interest in this will have skyrocketed.

>>47791
The intent is to write a story that is uplifting and light hearted, with Alex being outwardly well adjusted, though having the doubts, fears and concerns one would expect of somebody in her situation. She uses the Motion persona to escape those parts of her life, among other reasons.

Now, just because it is supposed to be light hearted doesn't mean it can't get serious or dark or depressing at times but those are used to contrast, not set the tone for the whole book. She will have to deal with issues pertaining to her sexuality and gender, both past and present, but I don't want to make the whole comic about it.

>>47791
I don't see the characters complaining, Motion's more frustrated than complaining, and the rogues are actually doing shit about their situations.

I meant OP's script actually establishing a narrative for the out of cape parts so there's actually something to go on instead of just an endless circle of anons complaining and doing nothing.

>>47793
Speaking of which. I'm hoping to finish the script tommorrow on my day off.

>>47792
>>47793
What I read from that original statement was that the only conflict which came to their lives was the result of them complaining, and so they complained some more. Thanks for clearing that up.

And since that's the case, is there any room for more characters?

>>47795
I'm confused.

The characters in the story or the actual discussion regarding the project?

I apologize but my day off became a work day due to somebody calling in. I've made progress but not as much as I'd like. I don't have a lot of experience writing for comic books, panel to panel, page to page.

So far I've got the initial action, going with a bank robbery with hostages as the setting. I've got the first flashback done with her getting her powers. I wanted it to be done with a fair bit of inner dialogue, interspersed with dialogue between characters, since it is a memory.

Finishing up the second action section, involving the hostages. Still have need to finish her figuring out her powers and testing them, then the conclusion to the bank stuff.

I'm looking at a large number of pages. The whole thing will probably end up being between 35 and 50 pages, given there are two stories being told. So far it is somewhat bare bones, as I wanted to get the basic idea for each panel before I detail where the camera is, minor details in the background, etc.

>>47798
I referred to the characters of the comic.

Pardon, but may I offer an interpretation?

Oh what? An actual comic? With multiple pages?
And Johnny Volt?

This is nice. I might need to move up my schedule on re-doing the history section of her wiki page (again).

>>48261
That's... Not very good. I give it a D- at best, with a "See me after class" note stapled to the top right corner. That's the kind of "not good" I'm talking about.

The art, well, I think the problems with the art go without saying. But really, I can't even tell what the first panel of page four is supposed to depict. Where exactly is the guy supposed to be?

The first page draws more attention to the transgender thing than it should. I don't consider that kind of thing a big deal because it's not a big deal, you know? So why are they shouting it from the rooftops? For them, it doesn't seem to be "You're a girl." It's "You're a TRANSGENDER girl."

Right after they finish the "You should be careful around here." jive, Alex leaves the apartment alone. Then when she gets back, they completely forget all about that. They didn't even call her to see where she went or anything.

They say they want a place to hang, but aren't they doing that already? On the couch, chilling in front of the television kind of counts as hanging out in my books, am I wrong about this?

Page two, final panel. I don't know if this is what was supposed to be accomplished, but it's less like a modern character intro and more like a silver age character intro. And silver age comics are full of boners, Batman.

On page three, that is not a punching motion. You do not punch people by holding your fist toward the sky. I know I said I wouldn't talk about the art, but this was just too awful to not mention.

What is the fate of our burglar? For all we know, he really did die from that punch.

>>48300
Well, I'm certainly sorry that you find yourself disappointed with the artwork and quality, and I certainly hope the next artist to tackle the project is more to your standards.

>>48300
>What is the fate of our burglar? For all we know, he really did die from that punch.

If you really gave a shit then you would've known that was Johnny Volt, one of Motion's established reoccurring rouges and that it was a simplified version of his origin.

If the comic would've continued, then I'm certain we would've seen that her survived and became a living human battery.

>>48303
So if there were more, it would result in one wonky thing making sense? That doesn't excuse the rest of it, and there is no doubt in my mind that if there were indeed more to read, it would only result in an even greater amount of stuff to point out. Unless, of course, the other stuff is done better.

>>48302
Well, I appreciate that someone tried to make the comic, but the effort you made seems to have fallen short of passability. Keep trying to improve your art, and storyboard everything so that it creates a naturalistic vibe. Not to be mean, but what you've got now is only describable as amateur. When you put something on the internet, you have to say to yourself "Is this really the best I can do?" or in the case of a draft, "How can I improve this?"

And if that's really the best you can do, if you don't think you can improve it any more, then I suggest staying away from comics. On the other hand, if you are capable of saying to yourself "This needs polish, I can make this way better than it is.", then go ahead and give yourself some vitriol, keep away from the hugbox, and get to it. Restart from scratch if you feel that you need to, this kind of thing takes saintly patience to make good.

That's all the advice I can give.

>>48261
>>48262
>>48263
>>48264
Hey, nice work on finishing that, hope to see more.