It was summer time for Max. It hadn't been quite so long since his father graduated and gotten a job on Campus, so returning home for the summer wasn't so odd. Of course, his father now worked as an assistant to the college Librarian, Max's soon to be Step-Mother.
They had, earlier on, bought a house together, Four-bedrooms. One for themselves, one for Max on the weekends and summer, one for his father's den, and one more for... Well, any little goofs who might be on the way.
Despite seeing his father nearly every day, Max felt a bit happy to spend his first summer at home with him. The last year or so he had really come into his own again. He was still, well, very Goofy, but there was an underlining nobility to him. Max felt a little ashamed that he didn't see it when he was younger, and was happy to find a new respect for his dad. He was always there for him, he encouraged him in all of his endeavors, especially sports. He always seemed so proud of Max, and now Max was proud of him as well.
He said his goodbyes to P.J. and Bobby, promising them he'd go back to their hometown and go on another road trip. P.J. of course was nervous about his planned proposal on the road to his girlfriend, and Bobby was just stoked because... Well, Bobby was like that. The drive home was, of course, a short one. Barely a mile's drive. He arrived in no time, and he pulled out his key to open the door only to be preempted by Sylvia walking out the front door.

>>33600
"Oh, hey Sylvia! Where you off to?"
"Max! I'm so glad you decided to stay with us for the Summer!" She gave him a hug "I just have to run back to campus for a little while, it seems like there's some sort of emergency in the Library I need to take care of."
"Will you be back in time for dinner?"
"I'm not really sure yet, but hopefully I will."
"Good luck!"

It was probably something Dad did. Not purposely of course, just out of pure goofiness. Max smiled a bit. No matter how much things change.... Well, you know the rest.

He walked into the house, which was unpacked and decorated for the most part. There was a crash upstairs.

"So that's where dad is."

He made his way up the stairs expecting to see what new and goofy way his father has managed to trap himself in, and to hear that old familiar 'hyuck'. When he got to the top of the stairs and to the den, there were no "hyucks" or funny situations. There was a hush in the room, his father on the couch, his head in his hands, and broken picture across the room from him. It was a picture from his father's own youth, wearing that ridiculous hat. He never saw this one before. He recognized Donald, who occasionally visited with his nephews when Max was a kid, but he'd never met the man on the right. It looked like... Wow, did his father really know someone that important.

"Max... Sit with me."
"I... What's wrong, Dad?"
"Son, you know how important traditions are in the Goof family, right?"
"Yeah, I know dad." Oh boy. THIS again. Max restrained himself from rolling his eyes.

>>33601

"W-well it's time to learn the most important one." His father was on the verge of tears.
"What are you talking about, Dad?" Max was concerned.
Goofy hesitated before pulling a book. It was a really old book. Positively ancient.
"It's easier if you see for yourself." Max was handed the old, but well preserved tome.

The indicated that it was the Journal of one Douglas Yancy Funny. There was a bookmark. It was an entry dated October 17, 2032.


Dear Journal,

It's been so long since I've written in one of these. Years. I've done a lot of writing since then. Mostly for Newspapers, magazines, and websites of course, but writing in this old thing again is difficult for some reason. Maybe it's because of how the world is now. Bud (you remember him, right? Old Mr. Dink.) told me I should do this to help keep my mind sharp and, of course to leave a record.
I can still remember that night, five years ago, when President Studebaker was held at knife point, live, on every broadcast and stream. I remember the terror in his and the tears in his eyes as he told us that our time was over. The old gods have returned and decreed us unworthy to worship them. That they made new worshipers from the animals. I remember him telling us to run and resist before the blood gushed from his throat after the awful Mouse-creature slit it. That was the last time there we'd heard from any sort of government.

In the early days there were so many more of us. I remember all those faces so clearly in my mind. Bebe, Skeeter, Patti, Roger, Skunky, Connie, Al, Moo, Guy, and even poor old Willie. It's funny. I hadn't talked to any of them from years. It was comforting to see them after so long, it was less so to watch them die.

>>33602

Al and Moo were the first to go. They died together, gunned down by those Animal-Men. I was only glad they died together, I don't think they could have handled losing the other. Skunky was over 300 pounds and easily the slowest of us. I understand why Roger did what he did. He tripped as we were running from a group of them so we would have time to get away. Bebe was dragged off late into the night when we tried to hide up on Mount Bluffington. They were clearly toying with us now. One by one they all fell. Skeeter took a bullet for me and died over three agonizing days. Patti regretted never seeing Paris. Willie walked right into one of their bases strapped with explosives. We doped him with so much morphine, I doubt he was even aware of what he was doing. Connie was next. Then Guy. By luck me and Roger stumbled upon Bud's bunker. I was surprised he was still alive. Eventually Roger disappeared one night as he slept. Probably to wreak whatever vengeance he could.

I miss them all now. It's been two years since Roger left, and Bud has been working on something since this all started and the world went to hell. He's tried to tell me what it is, but I don't understand any of what he's saying. I just know that if money still counted for something, it would be very expensive, and it had something to do with time.
I think he's mad. He couldn't possibly have the supplies or know-how to do anything of any consequence to those horrible beasts up there. He confided in me, one night, about how happy he was that Tippy, his wife, died before all of this happened. I may be mad as well because I am inclined to agree with him. I can't write this any longer. It's too painful. Humanity is dead and I can't imagine I have much longer.

>>33603

February... 2034?

Or close enough, at least. The digital clock and calender stopped working weeks ago. Or maybe it was months ago. Could even be years now. Who's to say? Time is meaningless down here. There's no apparent weather changes, or even sunlight. The beet reserves have long since dried up, and I don't know how much longer we can maintain that garden. Our water recycling device finally died two weeks ago. There's only so much left now, but there's good news. Bud finished his device. Apparently it was 20 years or more in the making. He was almost finished with it when everything just went to hell, so he decided to change it and re purpose it. He explained it to me as best as he could. It can move someone or something forward through time. Apparently he couldn't work out how to move someone backward, so he stopped trying. It also made the wearer 'Immortal, or close enough'. He'd gotten the specifications from an old book he once found at a garage sale. He thought it was gibberish for the most part, talking about the returning of Gods, Beasts who walked on two legs and God-Hunters who could slip through the ages, but the device described and detailed by the book, the one used by the God-Hunter was deemed interesting and would be fun to build. He had to work out a lot of it on his own though, because some of the equations and parts didn't exist yet.

>>33604
It doesn't matter. The point is that book says that the Mouse Patriarch needs to be slain. The Gods manifest their power through it. If it dies, then the rest of their new followers die as well. Without them, the Gods recede back into the blackness and wither away. Bud says he's too old now and is ready to die. I will do it. I don't know how I'll kill the Mouse, but I'll find a way. This device will rebuild me if I die, and jump forward in time every time I fail. The only problem is that I won't come back whole each time. More and more of me will be replaced by the machine itself, and I will start to forget. Not just the mission itself. Everything about me. Who I am. Mom, dad, Judy, Dirtbike, all my family and friends. Even Porkchop (I wonder if he'd have turned on us if he lived long enough to be changed). That's why I'm bringing you with me. To remind me. I will be bonded with it tonight. Wish me luck.

---

Max continued to skim the book. Eventually the dates began to jump by decades, centuries and... They stopped showing up altogether, replaced by entry numbers. The style would change. The writing began to get a little neater. Pronouns ceased, and the writer seemed to be more and more confused. Eventually entries boiled down to simple status updates. Each one a failure.

Max closed the book and looked at his father, who was trying not to cry but failing.

"Is this some kind of joke, dad? Did you write it or did you get someone else to do it for you?"
"I-it's re-real." His father couldn't keep himself from sobbing.
"C'mon, no it's not. That's impossible."

His father stood up and embraced his son.

"I'm sorry!" He repeated between sobs "I didn't want you to ever have to know! It's not fair! You shouldn't have to do this!"

Max was visibly shaken now.
"What are you talking about?"

>>33605

His father let go of him now. He walked toward the window and went silent for what seemed like ages. He then went to his desk and open the locked drawer. he removed a very unassuming rectangular box.

"When that writer first appeared years ago to assassinate our King, it was our ancestor, the first Goof who stopped him. The royal scryers wrote that it would be the last Goof who would finish him for good. They never told us who would be last... Until you were born." His father was more composed. Serious. Previously Max had though his father was all knees and elbows. Funny looking. He was almost intimidating now.

"It was foretold that you would die fighting him. They didn't even... They didn't even wait until we left the hospital before cornering me and telling me. I didn't even really believe the whole thing at first. It had been generations since he'd last shown up. But that night, they made me believe he was very real."

"Please tell me this is a joke." Max was very scared now. His father had finally gone off the deep end. He'd have to commit him. How would Sylvia take this? This was all nonsense.

"When you were three, I told them that I would take your place. That I wouldn't let you do this. They said I was too clumsy, and when the man had arrived I would be too old. But you wouldn't. I told them I wouldn't let this thing happen. They..." His father broke down again, crying.

"They killed her! They killed your mother! They threatened to take you away if I didn't cooperate! I've been conditioning you for this fight this whole time without telling you! I'm so sorry!" His father held the box close to his chest.

"Dad, listen, we'll get you some help, okay? We'll--"
His father dropped the box on the floor, it opened partially and octarine sparks spilled out.

>>33606
"I love you, Son, and I never wanted this for you. He is almost here. I don't know how long we have, but he will be here. I don't know how much he will remember, he lost the journal a long time ago, but he will still come and kill." Goofy picked up the box.

"Donald came by some months ago and gave me this. He said that his would finally put an end to the Hunter-Traveller, and that... That you would die. That I had to give this to you. That if I didn't... If I didn't..." He began to cry even harder "... they would kill Sylvia..."

His father shoved the box into Max's hand before turning away to a wall, bawling.

Max slowly opened this unassuming wooden box. The light was almost blinding. When Max picked up the weapon within, he could feel a sort of universal power flowing through it. It was beautiful and appalling. It was a sort of cross between a dagger and the end of a spear. It looked both magical and high tech. It was real. It was all real. He didn't know how why, but Max knew now that it was all real.

"I... This is... Oh God, Dad. I don't want.... I don't even know what to say to all this!" The horror of it all now weighed heavily on Max.

"I do son. I do." His father placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Gotcha, buuuuuuuuuuuuudy!"

>>33607
Max's father ripped off his mask to reveal that he was actually Bobby.

"P.J.! Please tell me you go that all on tape!"

"Oh man, you know I did!" P.J. said as he stepped out of the closet, camcorder in hand. "Oh, you should've seen your face, dude! In fact, let me show you!"

P.J. rewound the video as walked over to Max and Bobby. He put a hand around his friend's shoulder as he pressed play and showed the recording to his friend.

"I... This is... Oh God, Dad. I don't want.... I don't even know what to say to all this!"

Bobby started to roar with laughter and slapped his knee.

"Ooooh man! I can't believe you FELL for it! It wasn't anywhere NEAR believable! I mean Come ON!"

Max crossed his arms and looked angry and embarrassed.

"Seriously, man, you would think the the sci-fi clashing with the fantasy would totally give it away! But you bought it!" P.J. said smugly.

Max was absolutely red. "... How'd you even make this thing anyway? I thought you two were majoring in Cinematography?" Max held up the prop weapon.

"Nah man, Peej's majoring in cinematography, I'm int he Special FX class, buuuuddy." Bobby did that annoying thing with his tongue.

"Where's my dad anyway?"

"He's probably still at the Library. Sylvia let us in when we told her we wanted to drop in and surprise you, it was just lucky that she got called away."

Max considered the whole situation. He had to admit that it was a pretty good prank, just not out loud.

"You guys suck."

>>33608

"Aw, come on, Max! It was just a joke. Listen, Pizza's on me if you want to come out with us tonight. Roxanne is gonna be there too!" P.J. put his arm around Max again as he said this.

Max considered the offer.

"Alright, alright! I'll go.... But you still didn't get me as good as the time me and Bobby convinced you that your Dad was a serial rapist."

"Hey! That wasn't funny at all! My dad almost ended up in jail because of that!"

Max and Bobby laughed as they walked with Pete out of the house. Max remembered to lock the door behind them as they left.

You know what they say... The more things Change...

The End

---

"Aaaand saved."

Doug was pretty proud of his Goof Troop fanfiction. He couldn't wait to put it up on his blog and watch as the comments rolled in.

He reclined in his chair, very proud of himself, and rubbed his Quailman emblem. He made it himself. he was proud of that as well.

He then went on to draw a comic about Porkchop coming back to life as an anthropomorphic dog-woman.

THE END

You know what happens when people expose me to bad fanfiction.

Well, maybe YOU don't but...

Never mind. Let's see what we get.

>Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Final Fantasy X and Matlock. The story should use a long lost sibling as a plot device!

Time to start researching.