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  • 08/21/12 - Poll ended; /cod/ split off as a new board from /pco/.

File 138016813164.jpg - (36.04KB , 294x220 , beas face when.jpg )
384969 No. 384969
>Find a girl/guy (let's be honest, girl, because all girls already do this) who has just moved into town or gone off to college, who is lonely and without close friends.
>Wedge yourself into her life. Don't be too forward, just talk to her a lot and listen to what she has to say. She'll give you a lot of leeway.
>When it looks like she might be getting new friends, tell her a few 'secrets' about your life to give the illusion of a close relationship.
>Once she becomes close to you, become more sexually forward. If she responds negatively, deny her emotional satisfaction by slowing down contact and ignoring her for a while.
>98% of the time she'll break down and fuck you, or even agree to go out with you.

I have no idea why people complain about the friendzone, it's literally the easiest way to get laid ever. You should all try it.
Expand all images
>> No. 384970
It's Always Sunny In Philadelp…youtube thumb

you know that almost sounded like actually letting a friendship bloom into a romance right up until Dennis popped out.
>> No. 384971
File 138016881624.png - (300.52KB , 400x522 , 1370907810352.png )
384971
Girlfriend's a bitch? Boyfriend's a slob? Don't bother confronting them about it, or breaking up with them. Simply maintain the relationship until you find someone more interesting, and then break it all off as soon as you've secured a relationship with your new love interest.
>> No. 384973
No money for a date? Two people can mug someone better than one.
>> No. 384974
moe what are you doing you've never had sex
>> No. 384975
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384975
>>384974
You're right, but by ruthlessly bragging about my imaginary sexual exploits, prospective fuck buddies have no idea that I am sexually incompetent. You should try it yourself. Always brag about the women you've been with to girls you like. They love that shit. Conversely, women should be "don't-ask-don't-tell" about their relationships because men think that every woman that has ever had sex outside of marriage is a slut. (This is true no matter how open minded he seems. Don't get fooled, ladies!)
>> No. 384977
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384977
I am sensing frustration, Moe
>> No. 384978
a good troll is like a placebo
it works even when you know it's a placebo
goddammit moe you're always hanging out at that uncanny valley between lies and too real
>> No. 384979
Moe why are you posting like Barney Stinson.
>> No. 384983
File 138020495544.jpg - (43.65KB , 628x476 , ssn_playitcool.jpg )
384983
So here's what you do
If you wanna get a kiss
You've got to play it cool,
and make your move like this
(YAAWWNN)
>> No. 384984
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384984
>Moe
>in charge of giving relationship advice
>> No. 384985
>>384978
This is a perfect description.
Moe is the best.
>> No. 384994
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384994
I took the relationship advice from Moe KING Tripfag™ and got a partner to do the sex with

100% guaranteed money back satisfaction
>> No. 384998
File 138025435337.png - (41.24KB , 500x296 , laughingweapons.png )
384998
>>384969
>>384971
>>384975
Oh u.
Moe you should become a stand-up comedian.
>> No. 385040
File 138045193456.jpg?spoiler - (47.94KB , 480x600 , 817042.jpg?spoiler )
385040
>>384994
I don't believe you have a sex partner, enjoy your corn.
>> No. 385041
>>385040
this meme just gave me feelings of nostalgia.
it's been like 10 years since "enjoy your hat"
thank you.
>> No. 385099
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385099
>>385041
>"enjoy your hat"

I enjoy your typo.
>> No. 385105
“You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”
>> No. 385112
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385112
>>385105
>2013
>keeping books in your closet
>> No. 385118
>>385105
#1 GAYEST POST IN PLUS4 HISTORY!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!
>> No. 385121
the one thing about relationships is that you need to take a good fucking look at yourself first. if you wouldn't date a girl who masturbated on the internet to little ponies, then don't fucking do that. if you wouldn't want to date anyone like yourself, then maybe its time for some self-reflection and change and shit. at the same time, you must also recognize that no one is perfect, however that is no reason not to try. no matter what happens you'll still be a lot better than you are.

also, if you want to fuck someone, just be up front about it. you'd be surprised how much people appreciate it when you actually let them know rather than stand around trying to catch their eyes, trying to get them drunk, waiting till you get a second alone and then up and kissing them or touching their butt or something because you totally thought they wanted it, they were laughing at your jokes and really kept the eye contact like wtf

>>385105
thats not relationship advice
>> No. 385122
>>385121
hey. hey.
go fuck yourself.

>>385118
>implying you don't want to date a girl who writes
>> No. 385123
>>385121
>the one thing about relationships is that you need to take a good fucking look at yourself first. if you wouldn't date a girl who masturbated on the internet to little ponies, then don't fucking do that. if you wouldn't want to date anyone like yourself, then maybe its time for some self-reflection and change and shit. at the same time, you must also recognize that no one is perfect, however that is no reason not to try. no matter what happens you'll still be a lot better than you are.
So what am I supposed to do if I would fuck the shit out of a girl who was just me but female?
>> No. 385131
date a girl who reads. she’ll definitely wanna date you. she’s gonna make you happy. you. so fucking happy. that’s what matters, right. you’re a dude, right. tell me you’re a dude. okay. just checking. find a girl who reads. date that shit. date it. she’ll probably be a really good mom to your kids. do other girls even know about dreams. or laughing. or graceful china teacups. i didn’t fucking think so. you want someone to intellectually and emotionally stimulate you without being threatening or disagreeable. don’t worry. that’s why she’s here. so you can date her. not even the rain has such small fucking hands. listen you’re so smart you’re so real fucking smart. you think about things. things like libertarianismmsm. and the driftlessness of waking. you deserve her. you’ve earned her. that’s how great you are. she’s definitely not doing anything else with her life besides dating you. look at how cute you are. did your mom make that hat. back to the girl. she likes keats. that’s real cute right it’s real fucking cute. just get her books. all the time books. it’s gonna make her so fucking happy. don’t worry. literally any books. she doesn’t ever hate any books. it’s not like books have any particular meanings beyond being smart. thinking. having believing. look, the only way to be meaningful or real is books. it’s a fact. let’s move on. date her. don’t worry. she’s definitely not gay. go up to her. say. HEY. what the shit are you reading. does it make you cry. i’ll hold you. look at me. she’ll be super into that. she’s just out there. somewhere. reading. thinking. dreaming. waiting for you to date her.

date the shit out of her.
>> No. 385133
i sincerely hope people know i'm trolling with a famous tumblr copy pasta because that shit is insanely painful for me to read, even though i posted it.

"i'm not like the other girls" syndrome combined with prioritizing the male's desire as a way to value a person's worth. LONG LIVE THE PATRIARCHY.

>> No. 385135
>>385133
its so bad

i thought it was about zoeey deschanel characters or smth

i mean i love my fucking books but this girl is just obsessed with escapism and ~poetry~ and tries so hard to inject meaningful narrative into a meaningless existence let us be real here
>> No. 385136
>dating

I actually kind of feel like dating misses the point a lot of the time. Like dating sets it up as "you meet someone, you like them, you ask them to spend long stretches of time with you in weirdly specific settings that provide way too much time for you two to be alone together and actually talk".

I find going out to places on the regular and then asking people if they want to come along works a little better. Even if they say no, you're still going somewhere, possibly with friends. It's like I don't know that I've seen too many "dates" in the classical sense really work out.
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