My favorite way to be depressed is too think about how I'm going to have to get my shit together soon or I'm going to be homeless and then go and replay Symphony of the Night for the 18th time.

No comment.

there's a part of my heart that is in perpetual mourning and as soon as i do more than acknowledge it, i collapse into a cemetery of all my lost joys and broken dreams.

i like listening to nostalgic folk music to make it feel as though i'm in the woods with people people who are too busy working just to have their hands moving so much they don't even get the chance to feel until they rest their heads on rolled up blankets and drown in sorrows.

it's okay. my favorite band for that is on the mild side. the head and the heart. "lost in my mind" is my favorite track.

I like to remember little, insignificant fuck-ups I've done in the past, especially when my day is actually going all right, to remind me to never ever try anything because I'll just screw that up, too.

I think the people who say "suck it up" or use the term "hugbox" don't have depression or know what people with anxiety and depression are going through.

The "Hyperbole and A Half" comics on depression are accurate for the most part-- there's stuff the artist talks about in it that I can't relate to, but kinda like Nash said on Radio Dead Air, depression is actually sorta like Pokémon. Everyone's a different type, some people react better to certain types of treatment, but certain other things will backfire on them spectacularly.

For me, I hate being sad, so I don't listen to sad music, but maybe I'll listen to something acoustic and quiet and play single-player Minecraft. I only complain now when I get stuck and feel helpless and need advice. I'm in a situation that I don't feel I can get out of, and I don't know what I'm going to do when I get out of it, because I feel like I've been living doing what everyone else wants me to do for my entire life.

>>383267
>The "Hyperbole and A Half" comics on depression are accurate for the most part
Agreed in full. For those that haven't read them:
Part 1 - Original revelation of severe depression to her community (by this point the author had a good following for many of her other posts which mix comic panels and text)
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.ar/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
Part 2 - Nearly two years later, after she stops posting completely, she posts and update that basically says "I'm still depressed but now not everything is complete shit, only most things."
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.ar/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

>>383266

I know that feeling.

It's bile. I am tired.

Wait is this about having a sad or actually clinically depressed. The big stumbling block I find is most people don't differentiate the two.

>>383282
Actual depression is when you CAN'T be happy, even when good things happen, it's a chemical imbalance. Having a sad is when you just have a long string of shitty luck.

>clinical depression
>schizoid personality disorder

Life is one long unmotivated question-mark.

>>383284
As simple an explanation as that is, everybody I talk to, unless they also have depression, don't get it.

>>383288
If you can, give them the links in >>383268. The second one, especially, talks about the problems a depressed person runs into when trying to talk to non-depressed people. Most relevant excerpt:
>And that's the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn't always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn't even something — it's nothing. And you can't combat nothing. You can't fill it up. You can't cover it. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the scope of the problem.

>It would be like having a bunch of dead fish, but no one around you will acknowledge that the fish are dead. Instead, they offer to help you look for the fish or try to help you figure out why they disappeared.

>The problem might not even have a solution. But you aren't necessarily looking for solutions. You're maybe just looking for someone to say "sorry about how dead your fish are" or "wow, those are super dead. I still like you, though."

It lacks a bit of oomf without the images, though. (One is attached.)

>>383291
The thing is, even though I have depression, I have no idea how to help other people with depression. Even I default to that mentality.

>>383295
I don't even try. How could I rescue a drowning person when I am drowning as well?

>>383296
I think it's coded into my DNA or something to help others. I feel guilty and responsible to make sure nobody feels the way I do.

>>383296
Sacrifice yourself, by using your body as flotsam.

This holds true for whenever but you can't save people. Only love them. Abridged quote from anaïs nin.

Sometimes short term depression isn't something to escape anyway. Just outlived.

I thought I was depressed once. But it just turned out to be boredom.

On a global scale I live like a fucking king.

Real talk: Fuck popular perception/culture's view on brain drugs and find the one that's right for your brain problems. I went from not being able to deal with some random-ass person on the street's eye contact to getting through a hellish six months where three important people (dad, grandmother who raised me for the formative years in my life, PI) and one animal (catbro of 18 years) died and I wasted a thousand bucks on applying for grad school. Now I have awesome irl bros and am in grad school getting paid a comparable amount to what I was getting from working fulltime. Thankyew escitalopram.

>>383267
Also this.

>>383320
I've been on three anti-depressants: Wellbutrin, citalopram, and I forget the third. This third one made things absolutely horrible, and I'm pretty sure it fucked up my jaw sockets. I had that about a month before I quit completely because I was tired of how horrible it was. The second was middling, but did give me a small boost for about a year. After that, made me disinterested in most everything. I took that about three years before going off it entirely.

The army drove me insane (as in, I wound up in a psych ward for a few days), and there they first tried Welbutrin again for a day, it just made me tired, then they gave me Citalopram (and then kicked me back to my unit because they said I wasn't crazy and they needed the bed for someone who was.) Citalopram seemed to help at first, but the end effect was that I just didn't give a shit about anything ever. I was chemically incapable of being happy, and the few times I was (such as a day's trip to Disneyland) the medication would make my body counter the happiness so hard that I would fall into severe depression for two or three days before it leveled off again. It was so bad that I wished I was never happy in the first place.

I've been off that for about two months now, and the only change so far seems to be that I take one less pill a day. Mood, motivation, none of that has changed for better or worse.

I don't want to try another pill until I see an actual goddamn psychotherapist regularly; every time I've been subscribed something it was by a counselor through a doctor or a therapist that saw me for all of 15 minutes. Once. And since I can't afford that, I won't be doing meds again, because I'm tried of playing whack-a-mole.

I'm pretty sure I have clinical anxiety, but I don't want to see a doctor to confirm/get drugs because...I don't know why.
Probably don't anyway, no one who self-diagnoses does, right, but
I dunno. I think about it a lot, especially when it starts interfering with my relationships.

People keep self-diagnosing depression and that makes me depressed someone hug me

>>383325
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depression_(mood)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_depressive_disorder

as long as we're not dismissing the former in place of the latter, i'm inclined to agree, but that's true for all self-misdiagnosing.

i don't want to digress into generalizations about that, though. the important thing in this thread is the personal experience.

i met with a counselor and she essentially told me i don't belong in this thread anymore, so... you folk take care of yourself.

Is there like a sliding scale of actual Depression? I think I'm in the shallow end of that pool, if so. If not, I guess I dwell on the bad things in my life a bit too often. I've been good at distracting myself from it lately, but I know it's bound to come back again like it always does.

>>383329
>i met with a counselor and she essentially told me i don't belong in this thread anymore, so... you folk take care of yourself.

Just because you aren't depressed doesn't mean you can't converse with depressed people.

I don't find media depressing. Depression (at least for me) originates in my own mind, with depressing thoughts, and can only be defeated by positive thoughts.
>define negative and positive
I am describing my personal case only; it's probably subjective.

Interesting fact: most of the music I listen to my mother finds depressing, while it makes me very happy.

>>383331
In my experience, at least, yeah. Usually I have bad self-esteem, but I can hide it, or deal with it. If something bad happens, it gets 10x worse.

>>383331
i took the line
>I'm depressed now, you are too.
too literally, but sure.
i've built up a lot of triggers for negativity but i've been learning ways to get meaningfully and substantively out of those mental cycles. it's a slow process building confidence and a sense of self-value that isn't based on outside influences.... that's the only way i've been able to get out of it. i think it might be the only way short of a fully functional deity.

If you can brag about the net about it and use it as a mean to get followers and "feels" circlejerk, you don't know shit about depression.

>>383341
learning how to control your own emotions is an important life skill. Especially for those suffering from disorders.

>>383341
i actually don't agree with this. i know some people who are clinically depressed who wear it like a badge of honor and will not stop talking about what people should or shouldn't be doing with respect to that.

some people cope in different ways.

but i think i know what you mean. i hope you're not singling out anyone in this thread for that. i think most everyone here has been respectful of other people's experiences as well as their own.

>>383322
I was on citalopram too for about a year. It did the job but man, fuck the side effect so much. I used to get wicked bad headaches frequently, random cramps/spasms bot only in my buttocks and thighs) and random audio/visual hallucinations. In the end I just stopped taking it because the weird dreams were fucking with my sleep just as much as the insomnia from the actual depression had in the beginning. I was planning on switching to another medication but I noticed that I didn't actually feel any different without it so I didn't bother. I was expecting it to be hellish because I'd been on a pretty high dose. I don't really know what I should do with the left-over pills. Do you give them back?

>>383341

depression sucks but mine was finely honed through a severe anxiety disorder and nearly killed me two years ago and then tried really hard to keep killing me for another 2 years
my suicide fantasies turned into suicide attempts while my body just completely shut down involuntarily. i stopped eating for days at a time because putting anything in my mouth just caused me to vomit just from the sensation of it being in my mouth. i was nearly 30 pounds underweight. every night around 9 pm i would go into what i now know are panic attacks that would cause me to start sobbing hysterically and would send my self-loathing into overdrive so i would try to come up with even one reason why i shouldnt kill myself until i got so upset i would throw up (or dry heave, usually since i had nothing in me to throw up).
i still struggle with eating a lot but im back at a "normal" weight but it took 2 years to find a medication combination that could fix my broken brain without me becoming horribly fatigued and unable to function during the day.
recovery is coming along good tho

>>383353
>Do you give them back?
Best to check with your doc, but probably toss them.

My side-effects were insomnia and lethargy. At least, I thought; the lethargy has improved since I've been off, but falling asleep without pure exhaustion is still a hell of a task (I will regularly get to this paralysis state where all my muscles have relaxed but I'm still conscious and completely aware of the world around me; I can be like this up to an hour before I turn everything back on and change positions.) I also hated not caring about anything at all, and I thought I would have a bit more interest/initiative without, but again that doesn't seem to be the case.

Anyway, I worked with my doc to ween down (did three weeks of weening, cutting the dose by half each week) and he said to keep the remainder with me for a bit in case I had a sudden and severe downturn; they might be able to help until I can get back in to see him and on something else. For you, since your side-effects were so much worse, probably just toss them.

>>383357
Glad to hear it's coming along well, especially since it sounds like you had it worse off than I.

Also, someone get Bard in here, let's see how many +mods are heavily depressed.

>>383364
I should also note that prescription drugs can never be returned nor donated AFAIK. The possibility for swapped pills, intentional or accidental, is far too great a risk (especially when considering that some meds are detrimental to those without the illness they are trying to treat) to try putting them back into the supply chain.

I'm trying to figure things out with a friend. We both have anxiety problems, and I want to help her, but she flip-flops on her stance on things, and when I try to ask her about things, to work them out when we get angry at each other, she just goes silent. I can't read her mind.

>>383353
>I don't really know what I should do with the left-over pills. Do you give them back?

In Murrica, you can turn them in to the police station so they can get their fix properly dispose of them.

I'm currently pursuing this:
http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/04/21/deep-brain-stimulation-shows-promise-for-depression/53952.html
I've tried pretty much everything the realm of psychiatry has to offer at this point including ECT with no results, and one of my doctors referred me to NIH or something and got their attention.
Apparently their still working out the kinks or something, so they'll do it for free if I qualify for their study.
Anyone else have experience with these more invasive procedures, like ECT and DBS? I'm still pretty uneasy about it all.

okay. you know what. i'm sick of having my past experiences with depression and panic attacks dismissed by people just because it wasn't created by a chemical disorder.

what the fuck. i was suicidal on and off for about two straight years. no one gets to tell me that my experience wasn't legitimate because i "got better" or because i talk about my experience with it.

holy fuck.

this isn't directed at anyone specifically but the lack of sympathy/compassion/empathy for another human being who has also suffered is really shitty.

okay. that was all i had to say. don't be that guy, please. we're all people here.

I've seriously considered offering to have sex with people in exchange for something like, incentive to calm down when they're pissed at me, or helping me when I really need to do something, but don't have any of the resources to do so, and because I know I'm serious about it, I'd rather just remain a virgin. Because I have no respect for myself sexually, so I don't expect anyone else to.

Yep I used to get shitty depression. Really fucked with my head for a while. Good things were happening to me that I couldn't even feel anything about, and bad things just crushed me even more, until I stopped feeling anything at all. You can get to a point where your soul is pretty much dead and still keep up with your daily life, socialize, etc. and think you're doing fine, but looking back you realize how insane you were. This is when you spend so long being depressed you forget what normal ever felt like. Nothing you do means anything, and anyone who gets too close to you ends up backing the fuck off once they see it. You think you're doing a good job hiding it, too.

Then I dosed myself with psilocybin every day for like a month and a half, and it's been a year now without depression. Kind amazing. Here. read this : http://europepmc.org/articles/PMC3277566/reload=0;jsessionid=AAMQWjJYBMSjKX7K1VnG.26

>>383486

though ive never used either of these methods, ECT is typically reserved as a last resort measure for people who are in danger of severe self harm or suicide and who are unresponsive to medication. it works (with a 60-70% success rate)! just...no one can actually explain why. it just does.
its also not the ECT we associate with frothing and violent seizures. it's a decent jolt but they put you under for it.
dbs i know far less about. sorry i cant help :(


how about a post your medication

150 mg bupropion
45 mg mirtazapine
deplin

actually how man of you folks are on deplin because h o l y s h i t. it costs an arm and a leg but its helped me do a complete 180 moodwise. the other two drugs made me stable, deplin made me happy

Why I'm not on medication right now:

>>was on it in high school for awhile
>>made me feel numb and sleepy, but helped a lot
>>parents didn't like how I was on it
>>parents took me off it
>>discussed wanting to get back on it when shit got terrible again
>>got into a fight with them over unrelated shit
>>they pushed me out of a (parked) car onto the driveway and tried to suffocate me to death
>>I called the police
>>police never investigated because my parents convinced them that by being on antidepressants in the past, I wasn't trustworthy or aware of what was going on, or something
>>don't have the urge to bring up depression again

I've tried talking to professionals about depression, but I'm written off as 'phasing' or just feeling bad ala >>383487 . Which, granted, I've said to myself too. I'm a big believer in self-will and pushing myself through to the other side.

I'm actually terrified of drugs, considering I had a pretty big pill/drug abuse problem in college, stemming from the depression I had at that time.

Not really sure the best way to move forward, short of just moving forward.

>>383531
That's okay.
While ECT is certainly far more humane than what people typically think of it as, my experience with it was pretty miserable as I was completely unresponsive to it, and it actually caused me some memory loss and minor brain damage.
I'm looking into TMS and DBS, but the cost of TMS is insane, and I'm still screwing up the courage to consider DBS. Also, I've read studies that say that the chances of these being effective are significantly diminished if the patient has not responded positively to ECT.

I just feel like I'm at the end of my rope after having done so many things and poured so much money down the drain.
Just trying to make some lifestyle changes, and waiting on the people to get back to me on the DBS thing.

>>383536
>Not really sure the best way to move forward, short of just moving forward.
Yeah, I need to do this.

>>383540
>DBS
The only form of electric therapy that has any chance of working. And even that is crude from a neurological standpoint.

ECT has shown to be only slightly better than a placebo in double blind studies. Patients with simulated ECT reported 60% recurrence of depression, patients with actual ECT reported 50% recurrence of depression.
It's not worth it, and is generally only used if all other medicine fails.

>>383532
>they pushed me out of a (parked) car onto the driveway and tried to suffocate me to death
>I called the police
>police never investigated because my parents convinced them that by being on antidepressants in the past, I wasn't trustworthy or aware of what was going on, or something

...Holy fuck. That is beyond terrible. I hope you've gotten away from them.

>>383544
Unfortunately not. I have no real way out of this situation. I'm hoping I can get a job or at least commissions to alleviate this.

Falling into one of my depressed spells. Bleh.

I have like 9 days of vacation time saved up, and since I can't afford to drive anywhere I don't see a big reason to use them all before the end of the year, namely because I have no money to drive home.

So I've thought about taking a week off from work in the hopes that it might allow me to mellow out a bit. But all I would do in that week would be playing video games and watching Hulu because, again, I have no money.

Fuck'd.

>>383550
If that's a regular thing, you need to get out of that situation. Find some way to record any transgressions and confide in non-shitty family members if possible.

>>383570
One thing I know won't work is talking to my psychologist and certain friends, all of whom think my parents' overprotectiveness is very sweet and affectionate and a way they show me they love me.

>>383576
Fuck that psychologist, get a new one or just stop talking to them.

Listen to >>383570, just run away if you have to. Your life is at stake.

>>383585
I can't. I don't have any life experience due to being sheltered, and I've heard "you're going to fuck up on everything, you can't get a job, you can't drive, you don't have any friends" so many times that I don't think I can do this. I don't know if I can do anything.

So one of the popular memes around 4chan, especially when people are promoting things like Nofapvember, is that excessive masturbation lowers your energy and drive. Any truth to this? Cause I normally choke the snake about 2 or 3 times a day, once before going to work, but I've stopped doing it in the morning for this week and since then there does seem to be an uptick in energy, but I don't know if it's just a chemistry thing or one of the other few things that are different (like drinking every night before bed, which I also started this week.)

>>383685
Give it a try, where's the harm in some self-experimentation?
Couple weeks back I went 2 weeks without masturbating but allowing myself as much porn as I wanted, to see what it did to my libido, and I'm currently in the process of going 18 days with no porn but allowing myself to masturbate as frequently as I want.
Just to experiment.

i time that stuff to match what i'm doing since not playing some of the five on one and not getting any tends to make my libido go up but my overall sense of well-being go down. it's like fasting and drinking a lot of water before going to a buffet.

>>383685
>>383687
>>383688
How do you even have the urge to fap when you're depressed?

>>383689
Libido is an emotion? No more than hunger or sleepiness, I would think.

>>383689
when i was depressed... what i would have said back then was
"it comes and goes"
then i would have laughed
then i would have groaned deeply into my chest and collapsed into a pile of self-loathing and near hopelessness as the joke bounced uselessly against deaf ears
then i'd have to have the rest of a day.
then i'd worry that sleep wasn't going to fix anything.
then i'd try to do anything physically relaxing and pleasurable to lull myself to sleep and remember times i wasn't depressed.
then i'd try to think positive thoughts.
then i'd fall asleep.
then i'd wake up in a very dark place full of a lot of pain and come up with a much funnier response to your question in the middle of the night and hold onto into it in the hopes that it may come up again and i could use it to fend off the darkness of everyday suffering one joke at a time.
then i'd lay in bed for two hours and muster up the courage to take a shower and walk out the door.
but masturbation fits in that schedule somewhere.

>>383689
1) As >>383690 alludes, libido is more a physical urge than an emotion. A physical reaction, which is why people can laugh when tickled even when horribly depressed.
2) It's easy
3) It feels good

And, at least for me, I'll take any small good feeling when I'm feeling bad, which is why I do it more oft than not.

life is too short to not masturbate

why would you not masturbate all the time

why are you not masturbating right now

Why do you think I bought a Shake weight? Gotta even out both arms. One hour of shaking per day. Minimum. Shake weight.

>>383698
If you own a shake weight, chances are you're depressed.

>>383697
Because I'm at work.

>>383700

what are you, a chicken
ca ca caw ca ca caw

>>383702
I hope that you were intentionally doing GOB right there, because that's how I read it. I also hope you had enough dedication to the bit to actually do the dance.

>>383705
if you could only see me now

>>383708

>>383708
Would it make my masturbation easier?

>>383718
ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT

>>383718
no

>>383720
needs more roller coasters

>>383720
Ha, shows what you know.

>>383720
You're looking quite horny, there.

For me, depression was/is entirely focused on "I'm a piece of shit, and I don't deserve to have nice things or be happy because I'm a piece of shit. I shouldn't even bother with arousal, I won't get laid, I can't even make platonic relationships work."

That, and my parents snooped (and still make up excuses to do so, even though I'm legally an adult) so much that I didn't really bother with getting into much porn.

>>383720
omg i love pale satan

Favorite thing to listen to when I'm feeling utterly down and just wallowing in it.
Dirt - Depeche Mode

>favorite depression music?

The Mountain Goats discography
Lately the song I've been listening to the most is this:

Transcendental Youth - the Mountain Goats

>favorite depression music?

The Mountain Goats discography
Lately the song I've been listening to the most is this:

Transcendental Youth - the Mountain Goats

>TFW you, your fiance, and an acquaintance are talking about God and said friend asks for your belief in God, only to get interrupted by parter who says "Well, my belief is naturally more complex than his" and proceeds to go on and on
>Get infuriated and tell him off and his belief system and how it's simplistic in and of itself and where does he feel the right to mock others, etc.
>Break up in a drunken brawl, but next morning back together
>He won't admit to saying anything, just that I'm a drunkard and that I insulted his belief system in front of others
>That feel when we haven't had sex in about 3 weeks, and to be honest never had sex that much anyways, and you keep asking and he keeps saying he's 'not in the mood'
>Can't help but wonder if he finds me desirable any more.
It's my first serious relationship, and I now completely understand people when they say "relationship issues", holy shit all this endless angst, depression, low self-esteem, awkwardness, exceedingly careful talks with your loved ones, etc.

>endless angst, depression, low self-esteem, awkwardness, exceedingly careful talks with your loved ones
whoa whoa whoa back the fuck up
that sounds less like regular issues and more like you are miserable and this is making you miserable and maybe a breakup is in order
>He won't admit to saying anything, just that I'm a drunkard and that I insulted his belief system in front of others
that is what we might call a RED FLAG

>>384303
Why do you want this relationship to work out exactly?

I have very few friends, and I don't see them very often.
I've never had a girlfriend, and the possibility of never getting one seems more real each day.
I've got some self-esteem issues, as well as some social anxiety, and I'm also quite awkward. This makes meeting people difficult for me, and I seem to bungle every attempt I make.

On occasion, this stuff makes me sad, and when it does I can't stop thinking about it.

This seems to be a very common problem among men on the internet. To the point where if I try to talk about any of this, I feel like anyone who sees what I wright will roll their eyes and say "oh great, yet another guy who is whining about being single on the internet." I've seen a lot of people complain online about how common guys like me are. We do seem to be on just about every forum out there. Hell, even I feel like my depression is generic sometimes, which just makes me feel guilty about even being depressed, which makes me feel like shit about myself, and makes my mood even worse. But I don't have anyone I can talk about this with, and going online just makes me expect immediate backlash from people who are sick of seeing these kinds of posts, so these emotions just keep building up and make me feel terrible.

So I'd just like to say: Fuck off if my problems aren't 'interesting' enough for you. I'm sad and really lonely and I need a place to vent.

>>384429
People who kvetch about people with legit psychological issues are usually pretty broken themselves, for what it's worth. vOv

Only advice I can give is exercise and maybe try meds if your social anxiety is bad enough. Also go to meet ups of random shit to practice your social skills. It'll be hella painful at first but just look at it like a game.

I reckon it would be a lot easier for me to shake off my depression if my country would stop giving me things to be depressed about:
http://wgno.com/2013/09/12/a-student-accused-of-using-a-mobile-app/#axzz2eqjLmHTM
>A student at H. L. Bourgeois High School accused of using a mobile phone app to simulate shooting his classmates was booked and jailed in Terrebonne Parish.
>“He said it was a result of him being frustrated and tired of being bullied. He said that he had no intentions of hurting anybody. We have to take all threats seriously and we have no way of knowing that without investigating and getting to the bottom of it.”
idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore.mov

>>384429
> I have very few friends
> I've never had a girlfriend
> I've got some self-esteem issues

All three points are true for me, and I seriously don't care. It's all about how you deal with societal expectations, years ago I decided to just stopping to give a fuck about what people thought of my life and simply do as I please, and I've been much happier ever since.

Would my life be better if I had a wife and kids? Perhaps, but it also would be better if I could have Superman's powers, and that's only slightly less likely to happen to me, so why lose sleep over it?

As I mentioned in Speak Your Bears: this sums up my life pretty well, and it’s also a bit on-the-nose when it comes to depression.

http://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/61419126318/

I know what it’s like to feel like it's breaking rocks just to do the sort of stuff that comes naturally to self-adjusted, mature, rational people.

But I'm trying harder to break them, at least when it comes to my more creative endeavours. I’ve spent the past three mornings coming up with at least two lists of ten ideas (per the suggestion of blogger/author James Altucher) and trying to write at least 500 words a day (no matter what I write about, if I even write about a specific subject).

It's self-discipline that's getting me into a better mindset, not the kind of "motivational" bullshit like you see on /r/GetMotivated or whatever. I'm sure that works for some people, and it might’ve worked for me just a few months ago, but building new/better habits and becoming a self-disciplined person has done a better job of curing my occasional bouts of depression and helping me cut back on my self-loathing than any given Courage Wolf meme ever has.

(You guys and your tough love helped, too, you bunch of candy-coated bastards. :)

>>384673
Y'know, it's weird. Since I posted that I haven't actually been upset about any of that stuff at all.

Honestly though for me the issue was more about loneliness than feeling inadequate because of social pressure. For whatever reason I don't feel that way anymore. It's nice.

Last night I wanted to destroy the world.
This morning I only want to destroy myself.

Fuck this pointless existence. I can't wait until I completely break.

I am at a nice point where I'm kind of not depressed anymore and can sort of have hope for my life, but I would be totally cool with the world ending or something. Not in a "I'm twelve and humanity is a shit and should just die" kind of way, but more of a "oh hey we're all gonna die OK that's fine, nobody will get sad or nothin' when I'm dead because everyone is skeletons."

it's pretty neat

>>385209
I'm going to be a bit harsh here. Some of this is not directed at you, some of it is me venting because of certain situations with other people I know, but perhaps you can learn something from what I have to say.

Stop it. Stop fucking saying things like this. You think life is so bad? You think life is so hard? I'm sure it feels that way to you. I don't want to belittle your problems. But you know what? There are a lot of people out there with MUCH worse problems than you, and yet they still soldier on. One thing you could do to put things into perspective is to seek out some of these other people. Volunteer. Donate. Do something for the betterment of your fellow human beings and/or animals. There is always someone more desperate, hurting, needy, suffering than you. Exposure to too much of this can have the reverse effect and make you depressed, but if you feel your life is a waste, try helping someone worse off than yourself. You will come to realize you're not as bad off as you could be.

In addition, you need to find something to devote yourself to. Whether it's aforementioned charity work, a hobby, a job, or some wild crazy dream, you need something to do. Just sitting around with your thoughts will only further crush yourself under your depression. Keep busy. Or, if you're too busy, try to set aside at least an hour a day to relax. Close your eyes, listen to music, have a hot shower. Too much stress and anxiety exacerbates the feeling of desperation, of wanting to escape no matter what or how. And if none of these things are working for you, then just leave. Get up and get out, walk the earth. Become a hobo. What do you have to lose? You were going to kill yourself anyway, right? Get a change of scenery, get some fresh air, meet other vagrants. People who are probably, once again, worse off than you, poor and living on the streets and eating garbage. And then, maybe, just maybe, you'll come to realize your life isn't so bad after all.

Or maybe you'll just snap and kill yourself one day, who knows? But that would be stupid. Fight for your life. Your life will only be a total waste if you throw it away. You have a choice, so make the right one.

Addendum: In addition to that other stuff I talked about, therapy and/or medication could work wonders, although I know not all of you can afford it. That's why I posted all those other options first, because I'm poor and it totally slipped my mind. But if you can't afford a professional, try a close friend/relative or religious leader, because for serious depression, this may be the only thing that can truly help.

>>385228
Speaking for myself:
>There are a lot of people out there with MUCH worse problems than you, and yet they still soldier on.
There are. They have far more tenacity than I. Also, probably less chemical imbalances.

>Do something for the betterment of your fellow human beings and/or animals.
I've volunteered at a cat adoption and rescue shelter for close to two years. (Oddly enough, I'm thinking of giving it a rest for a bit, because some of the people that come in there piss me the hell off.)

> if you feel your life is a waste, try helping someone worse off than yourself.
Ah, but if my life is a waste and I feel I'm useless, how could I possibly help anyone worse off than myself?

>you need to find something to devote yourself to.
This is probably one of my larger problems. I just can't give enough of a shit about anything beyond thinking and yammering on Facebook to actually have a hobby, let alone devote myself to anything. I can't even say something like "my hobby is video games", because while I have tons of unplayed games I turn, without fail, to TF2. Every night. And it's not even that I find it super entertaining, it's that A) it's the only social experience I get, chatting over alltalk, and B) I'm moderately good at it (better damn well be after 2500 hours in it) so it's rare I'll get really frustrated playing on pubs. But even though I main a handful of servers I never go deeper into their communities or interact on their forums or talk to anyone from the game outside of the game.

>What do you have to lose?
My mom is a co-signer on $20,000 of my debt. If I simply get up and leave, she has to deal with this, and she already has debt of her own. This is my shackle.

>therapy and/or medication could work wonders
I've had three different meds. At best they make me indifferent, so I stop giving a shit about any and everything; this works for a while, but after a few months like this I realize that it also means I can't be happy, because the few times I am my brain goes into panic mode to balance it out and I become curl-in-a-ball-crying-on-the-floor depressed. (One turned me into something just above a zombie.)

I've had counseling and therapy, and they were useful as a sounding board, but aside from that small amount of stress release none of it has ever seemed to improve things. Of course, the longest string I had was 12 weeks, so perhaps there wasn't enough time to really delve into issues. But, money considerations aside, two of the three folks I saw in this vein kept dropping or rescheduling appointments which infuriates me, so I'm loathe to try it all again.

>There are a lot of people out there with MUCH worse problems than you, and yet they still soldier on.

Exactly right, because they have a REASON TO LIVE! All those starving children in Africa (or whatever other bullshit argument you can crap out to make me feel sympathy, like those commercials trying to con me out of my hard-earned money ten-cents at a time) have families that rely on them for support. Any parent or sibling — or, hell, anyone with someone that needs them — has a single, gigantic reason not to off themselves; they have a gigantic reason to drag themselves out of bed every day and get to work. It's not just about them anymore; they hold, essentially, another person's life in their hands. You couldn't possibly pretend that it doesn't feel GOOD to be needed by someone, or even wanted by someone.

I've made some terrible mistakes in my life. One of the worst was packing up and leaving sections of my family for years at a time to live with other sections, and vice-versa. Although anyone would be delusional to think normal adults with jobs and houses and other friends/family members really NEEDS any single person, it's damn depressing to have that fact slapped in your face. These are people I saw weekly or monthly at the least (for my parents, almost daily) since I was fucking born; it was natural to assume some kind of co-dependency existed. Yet, when I left and went more-or-less totally out of contact for five years, NOTHING CHANGED! Everyone went on with their lives as if nothing had happened, quietly and efficiently erasing any impact I had on them. They still got together and had Christmas dinner (and probably not with a dramatic empty-chair!) without me, somehow got their lawns mowed without me doing it, somehow took loads of junk to the dump without my help, got houses painted without my help, somehow they just... went on, and were no worse for it. Perhaps if other people did this sort of thing, it might have been different; perhaps they would find that those who were left behind suffered for it like in It's A Wonderful Life. Not for me. I found out, that if I were to die, nobody would be adversely or even fucking favorably affected. My life has no importance; I am not needed by anyone. You have no idea how much that hurts me. No idea.

So, when you say that there are others that are "worse off" than I am, I say simply that that is a matter of opinion. I feel that there is nothing in the world worse than being alone and completely unnecessary — not starving, not being in war, not being crippled, not anything. That isn't to belittle those conditions at all, but any adversity can be overcome so long as you have someone standing by your side. When the world is empty to you, even just putting one foot in front of the other becomes an almost-insurmountable obstacle.