http://www.hulu.com/watch/40972
donald draper's guide to picking up women

>>381253
Why go through all that? I just use my hands.

>>381254
maybe those of us who don't know American Sign Language have to resort to other means of seducing women.

... ooohhhhhhhhhh

I've seen 3 shooting stars in the past 30 to 40 min.
Is there a star shower event toníght that I didn't know about?

>>381256
You're probably watching a professional wrestling video clip.

>>381257
I'm preaty sure I'm on the roof of a bar in the center of a haunted town.

>that feel when bowels are emptied after being stuffed
Too bad it only last for like five minutes.

>>381264
>hold pee in for hours
>release it
>orgasm

>>381265
>hold pee in for hours
>get splitting headache
>hate yourself for holding pee in for hours

>>381266
And then you die from water poisoning.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

>>381265
>>381266
>>381267

>do something
>die

>don't do something
>die

I wish modern fiction was more accepting of dumb shit for no reason.

>>381268
See, this is why life is completely pointless, and as soon as I pay off my college debt (which my mom is a co-signer on, so she'll get hit if I ignore it) I'm going to become a wandering hobo. There's no point in anything else.

>>381270
My friend knew a guy who got into drugs in a pretty bad way, ended up losing his house and shit, was gonna kill himself, then was like "nah, may as well see what other lives are like" and basically hopped trains for like 5 years.
Sounds legit.

>>381271
if you're already thinking of ending your life...
try picking up a new one. that's my philosophy.

>>381268
>do anything
>eventually die
That feel when not immortal.

>supervising a research project
>clinical study comparing no treatment, control treatment, and novel treatment
>novel treatment is brief exposure to cute things

>I am doing kawaii science

>>381273
>Can't do anything
>can't die
That feel when have no mouth and must scream.

>>381274
Ninja
Hey, Ninja.
I volunteer for any future treatment experiments that involve scaring patients back into health. Also disposing of any bodies that may suddenly appear as a side effect of these "clinical studies".

Also, I just received confirmation that I got a volunteer gig in Dallas this weekend. Now I've haven't done a volunteer job in a while, so I'm getting "performance jitters" as it where.
It being at the food festival is actually coincidence.

Kinda wish I go to ConnectiCon in Connecticut. Coelasquid gonna be working there. Go see her if you can.

>apply to job in city on a whim, doubt im gonna get it, but whos it hur to try
>get an email
>asking for an interview
>on wednesday
OH god oh god OH GOD OH GOD

>stick shift truck because the engine on my nice old automatic decided to sprout a huge fucking hole in its' engine

this thing has turned a relatively relaxing commute into a game of "how badly will I die when this think fails to engage the right gear properly one the highway"

My uncle trying to upsale me on the thing when I said it was stressing me out "you can use it do go slower too, just shift down". What you mean like the brakes? Yeah great I've gone from 2 pedals where I have to do practically nothing to 3 pedals where every time I do anything slightly wrong with the third pedal the engine feels like it's going to shoot itself in the head.

You ever get treated like crap, and get if you do anything about it, you know you'll get in trouble and not them? Or you go to someone for advice on it, and they say "if you get treated like crap, you must have done something"?

>>381279
I just beat em up
its whats worked for me

sure I get in trouble but they dont fuck with me

how fun is that

>>381278
You get way more control though.

Unfortunately I don't think you'll be doing much stunt driving so the use of that control will be negligible.

If you think you feel unsafe with that imagine a more complicate version of that without even the shallow protection aforded to you by being in a car, congratulations you are on a motorcycle!

>>381280
I can't do that. Even being like, "Knock it off, leave me alone," gets me in trouble. I'm also possibly the weakest, most timid person in existence.

>>381275
Good story that, teaches you some lessons about life.

I've learned when my automatic car is going to shift gears, and let off the gas so it can do so sooner. I reckon this will be useful if I ever give a damn about learning to drive stick.

>>381286
>gets me in trouble
Most people don't find this a problem, you just get out of trouble once you're in it.

Have you tried sharpening a tootbrush and sticking them with that?

>>381290
No. I haven't tried fighting back any way but verbally. I always ended up in the principal's office as a kid for telling bullies to back off, even when they tried to shove me down a flight of stairs or something. It kind of scared me off retaliating on anyone.

>>381291
Why so afraid of getting into "trouble" though? Unless the trouble is in some way permanent (dismemberment/death) it's not really something that should paralyze you with fear. There are degrees of trouble, and even the absolute worst case scenario for defending yourself is not that bad, certainly not as bad as the strain of just taking abuse year after year.

>ended up in the principal's office
Is that the source of this fear of trouble? You know that's not really that bad, me and my principal knew each other on a first name basis, and spent a lot of time talking about life and other stuff. Like when I get sent there I'd bring my various problems to talk about, we shared books and movies, talked about her model building hobby and my sports, it was really quite nice. Most of the teachers were assholes and couldn't give anyone the time of day, but the principal was ok. You're making mountains out of molehills here.

>>381292
No, I'm not. My principal told all of the staff I was insane and not to take any of my reports seriously. Kids would come up to me and threaten to kill or rape me, and there was no one I could go to for help. Even my parents bailed on me eventually. I can't go to them for advice anymore because they don't believe me.

>>381293
Shit.

Any chance there's a counselor in your school who might be more empathetic to your plight? Of course, most of the ones I met aren't of especially high intellect, so if the teachers have bought into your Principal's message, the counselor probably has, as well.

Your best bet is wearing a wire so you can record these threats. Be very careful doing so, though, because it sounds like anyone catching you with it will cause you even more problems.

Make sure to get more than a few of them so they can't dismiss them as "isolated incidents." Getting the money for this might be hard, so I hope you have some sort of part-time job, because if your parents don't believe you (and tell them I said they're fucking horrible parents) they won't help in this matter. Once recorded, keep the originals somewhere and only bring copies to various people (including your parents) as proof. If they still refuse to do anything, you'll have to go to extremes: report them to the police. I don't know the ages, but this falls under Assault, so the police should do something about it. You'll become a pariah at school (but it sounds like you're one already), and if the antagonists only get a slap on the wrist you face physical attacks from them, so be ready for that.

Speaking of attacks, I recommend taking up some martial art. If you can't afford actual classes, look online for demos and practice by yourself. Work out. Improve your diet. Be ready for a fight, because from the sound of it that's going to be the final thing that will stop all of this. Becoming more physically imposing will also cause many bullies to back down if they begin to think you'll actually retaliate (most of them only go after kids they know won't hurt them, giving them all the power,) so start now before you do anything else.

Seriously, get out of your seat right now and do five push-ups. Do not stand back up until you've done five. GO.

Now, if the police don't take your complaint seriously (and--especially if this is a small town, the antagonists are on the football team, or both--this is likely), talk to the ACLU. I don't know how much they can actually help themselves for this case, but it's a starting point. There are various anti-Bullying programs out there you can contact, too. (Again, having recordings would be incredibly helpful in all of this, but you can contact them now to get some direction otherwise.)

In the most extreme case, if you're 16 or older in many states you can get yourself declared legally independent. If all your parents doing are just ignoring your reports of bullying it won't be easy, as this is usually reserved for separating a teen from their deadbeat/abusive/addict parent(s). Even if you can, it means you're going to be living on your own and supporting yourself, which won't be the easiest thing from the timidness you talked about earlier.

Do you have any adult, teacher or otherwise, that believes/supports you? Unless they are a pariah themselves, your best bet is to use them as a confidant, especially if you can't get recordings of the verbal abuse. After school, make a list of anyone that assaulted you and what they said, and have your confidant sign and date it to state that you didn't make this stuff up after the fact. Once you have a month of these built up, you and your confidant will have something to present to a person of authority (perhaps the Superintendent, since it sounds like your Principle is also stupid.)

Why is Tyler The Creator the best?

>>381294
This was years ago. I'm not being bullied now, save for assholes in my college dorm deliberately blaring music as loud as they can at 4 am when I've asked them to stop.

I still don't have a job, but I'm trying to get one. Not sure how, though, since this is the first time I had permission to get one.

>>381299
Oooooooooh. I thought you were talking about current events.

>I'm trying to get one. Not sure how, though
The "how" varies upon your preferable job(s). Tell us what kind of job you want to get, your skills/experience, and what you've done to try to get it. Surely someone here will have useful advice...

i want a self-esteem boost but they're fleeting and altogether self-defeating.

but it sure does feel good when someone tells me they would date/fuck the hell out of me.

>>381304
>that feel when no one says that to me
Actually, it's probably for the best, as I would just feel kinda awkward, especially if it was someone I didn't know well.

>>381304
I would do neither of these things.

>>381306
and nothing of value was lost

>just got called "cutie face"
ordinarily I'd be grossed out but awwwwwwww

anonex I miss yuo come back

>>381293
>My principal told all of the staff I was insane and not to take any of my reports seriously

Why?

This sentence is bugging me. Bullying is normally about group acceptance, seeing if you have a sense of humor, if you can dish out some pain if somebody fucks with you. Like FreeGlass said, normally folks back down if they have one encounter where they find out you aren't afraid to defend yourself, and they figure you're more trouble than you're worth or, in some cases, you display the exact kind of chutzpah they were secretly hoping you had.

Principals do not normally tell the rest of the staff not to believe you unless you truly fuck with their shit beforehand. Rape threats and death threats are some systematic hate-mob bullshit, not "I don't like your face".

There's an aspect of this you aren't divulging to us. Which is fine, all things told, but I do not think Timidity will serve you well whatever your struggle is. In any case, most of what Autonymoose posted is good advice. Dunno if I'd go tape-recorder just yet, a teacher as a confident might be a better bet. Unless it's a wholly hostile situation, in which case yes, tape recording and going to the proper authorities (or the ACLU) would be a bold, if not somewhat difficult to pull off move.

>>381313
The only thing I didn't tell you was that the principal asked them if they had harassed me and they said no, and that's why she called me a liar. My friends brought cameras to school and recorded the faces and names of the people who bullied me, and of them actually harassing me, the principal never looked at them, as far as I know. And the fact that I begged them to leave me alone, the fact that I was in tears over it, it only made them bully me more.

There was also the fact that once or twice they were football players. If they'd been suspended, the team couldn't play. Nevermind that our school football team had always been terrible, and didn't win anyways.

I've got this incredibly comfy pair of new pants. But it's too hot to wear them. Or any pants for that matter. I fucking hate you, summer. I hope you die.

so i was allowed to take a +1 to thie information session about the job with the rail company so i took my girlfriend

about halfway through she went to the bathroom then just after she left two of the bitches from the company also left. when she got back she basicly dragged me out before the session ended

why? she oveheard what the company bitches were saying on the back from the bathroom and it basicly went:

>they think they're going to get a job out of this
>laughinggirls.jpg
>why do we have to hold five of these fucking sessions when we're just going to promote our current employees

so even with being 10 minutes late to the session and leaving early i have as much chance of getting the job as anyone who got there on time: ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ZERO

this is exactly what i assume happened when i applied for the permanant job at my warehouse. they know exactly who they're going to hire but they have to go through the motions to make it look fair

i am so fucking pissed off right now

pic related, its the current status of my hopes and dreams

>>381313
>Why?
Yeah I'm thinking anon is lying.

>>381294

What is all this bullshit? It's like you don't understand bullies at all. They do it because they're looking for a reaction. When anon goes to the teachers, fights back, complains, resists... and still fails, they win! The only reason bullies focus on one particular person is when they can keep getting the same reaction out of them. It's no fun beating up on a guy who just lies there and takes it; that's boring. It's only fun when they yell and kick and scream and beg the useless faculty for help.

And fighting back? You really must be an idiot. Like the sand people, they will just come back and in greater numbers. Worst case scenario, anon would end up beaten to death.

I've known plenty of people who got bullied in school (I was very frequently a target, especially in middle school when I still fought back), and everyone I've talked too agrees that the ONLY way is to ignore them. Eventually they will get bored and move onto another victim.

There comes a point in everyone's life when they have to realize that there are some battles that just cannot be won. That building a sandcastle right next to the ocean and being surprised when the tide comes and washes it away is moronic; cursing and trying to punch the ocean into submission is even worse. Perhaps that point will come when they fight back against a bully and end up getting suspended instead of the other guy; perhaps it will come when they try and be a whistleblower against a corrupt boss and end up getting fired; perhaps it will come in a struggle to unseat a foolish politician that gets re-elected anyway; perhaps it will come at any other stage of life, but it's best to be learned as early as possible.

I know it goes against the manly attitude of never backing down and never bending over and letting the world metaphorically fuck you in the ass, but it's a waste of your life. No matter how big a fish you think you are, there are always bigger fish than you. There will always be evil persons and groups and organizations that are more powerful than you, and yes it's JUST NOT FAIR; but the world isn't fair, and you're a naive idiot for thinking it is, for thinking that you all by your lonesome can make it fair if you just try harder. It's important to recognize your limits and pick your battles instead of fighting against the sea.

Most people recognize that trying to fist-fight with a grizzly bear is a really stupid idea. This is the same. Sometimes, the best course of action is just to play dead. They'll go away and leave you alone; I can almost guarantee it.

>>381323
Why the hell would I have any reason to lie about this? Honestly. This is exactly what happened. Yeah, it makes no sense, but neither did bullies threatening to kill me when I interacted with them exactly zero times beforehand. Abusers period don't follow anything remotely resembling logic.

I should add that this principal got fired the year after I graduated. It can't have just been me that this happened to.

>>381325
Attentionwhoring

I'm thinking these days the best way to deal with these cases would be going straight to the cops (unless you leave in one of those shitty backwater places where the cops are completely fucking lazy and let "kids decide between themselves"). Bullying seems to be taken more seriously nowadays, with anti-bullying laws and stuff (I don't even live in the u.s., but my country seems to be going the same way).

I had both trouble with bullies and was a douche to people who didn't deserve back in school (yeah I can't be sorry enough), and I can 100% bullshit on beign all about "getting a certain reaction". No, it's just plain douchery.

Specially considering how far bullying can go nowadays - I've seen news recently of rape on kids under ten in one occasion, twelve on other - "playing dead" doesn't sound like will help much either. Going to the cops might give you some shit, but if no one else takes you seriously and the bullying won't stop anyway, might as well try to prevent it from getting too worse and prosecuting some bastards in the process I guess.