Self exploration is really scary.

>>377394
There's no harm in knowing yourself.

Double posting because I don't want my problems on the front page to be all mopey and shit until the next thread comes about.

Three weeks ago my boyfriend and I basically stole the neighbor's cat. The cat who they let roam a large, busy neighborhood right next to a large, busy highway usually littered with roadkill of the feline variety without a collar or any sort of identification. The cat who was pretty much always starving and who would sit outside people's houses trying to get in during the winter.

We took him, let him live inside, gave him everything he needed and he seemed happy as hell. Yesterday we woke up to him pissing blood and crying in pain. After a long ride with an angry, bleeding cat with enormous claws, his new vet told us it was because of a urinary tract infection that he must've been suffering from for a long time. Far longer than we had him. She also told us that had we not brought him in and gotten him treatment he more than likely would've died very soon.

So today while I'm at work his original owners showed up, and demanded him back. My boyfriend didn't exactly have a choice, he was legally their cat, so he handed him over and explained what happened yesterday. The guy told him he'd take the cat home, two houses away, and come back to pay him back for the medication and the treatment. Twleve hours later and the motherfucker still hasn't come back and clearly won't be. The cat wasn't exactly happy to go with him either, he hissed and ran away from him down the driveway as soon as he tried to pick him up.

These people obviously don't care about the damn about the cat, and the cat clearly doesn't like them, so if they make the mistake of letting him out again we're gonna take him back in and give him to one of my boyfriend's friends in the next town over. If the people who actually want to take care of the damn thing can't have it then they sure as fuck can't.

ALPHA, RITA'S ESCAPED. RECRUIT A TEAM OF ROBOTS WITH ATTITUDE!

>>377396
If I were you, I wouldn't wait. Steal him again. Or better yet, report the guy to the ASPCA. People who neglect their pets are almost as bad as the ones who outright abuse them.

Today is my birthday.

Yay.

>>377419
Happy birthday, Moose.

>>377427
> Oh fuck I think I'm developing lactose intolerance.
Eat yogurt regularly. I had mild lactose intolerance, but now that I have a cup of yogurt (Activa, for other reasons) every morning, I find that I can eat things like ice cream without needing to take Lactaid or have any issues afterwards.

Still haven't tried regular milk, but I imagine it's better there, too.

>>377407
That ASPCA thing sounds ideal. Just taking the cat could still be treated as theft.

>>377419
Go out & do something for your birthday, dude.

>>377434

srsly

You depress me and I'm a huge loser. Have some fun.

>>377419
Good luck, the Autonymoose. Lead a happy life.

I find that when I am frequently occupied, I am not depressed. The longer I spend doing something, anything, the less depression and anxiety actually bother me. So long as I don't actually think about it.

I started reading webcomics again. Several of them are on hiatus, so I pick up others in the meanwhile. I'm almost up to date on Homestuck. A couple hours a day every couple of days, and I'll be there by the time their own hiatus is over.

I might pick up a show to watch over the summer, too. Don't have the money for Netflix, but I can make due with Hulu Basic and other sites. Maybe I'll take suggestions on what to watch. I just can't let my worries consume my life.

>>377434
Well, this weekend I'll go to see Iron Man 3 and eat at either IHOP or Olive Garden. Alone. That's it.

Works for me.

>>377439
>I'm almost up to date on Homestuck.
Is it worth it to catch up on? I quit about the time that the humans and trolls met in person because it became far to LOLRANDOM for me.

>>377441
I only got up to the part where a couple of their dreamselves met. Not in real life. I'm still in Act 5.

>>377419
Happy Birthday man.

>>377444
>>377441

You've got a few months before the game comes out, may as well have something to do.

Fair warning though, about...halfway through Act 6 it gets kinda stupid and pedantic.

>>377419
Hey, happy birthday!

>>377441
>it became far to LOLRANDOM for me.

I don't want to start a big discussion on Homestuck or anything because it has its own board, but could you explain what you thought was LOLRANDOM about Act 6? Or at least what made it more so than the rest of Homestuck?

As far as I know, sarcastic caps LOLRANDOM is usually code for badly done non-sequitur, so please explain if you're using it for something else here.

>>377477
You'll have to be more specific on events, because I don't remember what was in what acts.

Anyway, the whole narrative just ran long for me. For instance, you had the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff insertions, which were at first entertaining, but then too much time was spent with them. (Although "I warned you about stairs bro" will also have a place in my heart.) Then you had the chat sessions which often just ran on and on and on, too often about inane crap. I imagine their point was character building, but it was just too much for me and I lost interest in most of the characters. Finally, I kept getting the feeling we were going to hit some closure point--not the end of the story, but a major turning point--and when we were about there something out of left field would happen and we'd spend an act explaining why the left field was always there in the first place. No proper suspense build-up.

Actually, on the character building, the four "quadrants" for troll relationships just seemed a huge waste of time for me. Yeah, it explained some of their interactions, but it could have easily used human terms instead of coming up with some renamed, expanded list (and then inserting playing card relationships into that.)

>>377407
>>377432
Just stealing it now would require breaking and entering, so gonna avoid that. As for the ASPCA, that's a last resort. Having pissed off neighbors isn't ideal. But I'm gonna get that cat away from them as soon as I can somehow.

Yesterday I learned of Edward Fortyhands. Why would you do this?

My girlfriend's going to be studying in engineering at MIT.
I have no idea what I'm going to be doing, but currently it looks like automotive.

Is it normal to feel bad about this? I feel like she should have a respectable lover, not some blue-collar redneck who just fixes cars all day. It makes me feel terrible to think about how fucking low-class I'd seem to people in STEM fields. Even my family told me to lie about what I want to go to school for in job interviews because being a mechanic is so unrespectable and nobody wants to hire someone who's aspiration is "manual laborer."

I dunno. Maybe my lack of self-esteem is making me blow it out of proportion.

>>377488
>ally, on the character building, the four "quadrants" for troll relationships just seemed a huge waste of time for me. Yeah, it explained some of their interactions, but it could have easily used human terms instead of coming up with some renamed, expanded list (and then inserting playing card relationships into that.)
The fact that it was overly complicated and unnecessary was part of the joke. There's a reason he used explaining the quadrants again as a threat to the reader, and then writ it large with the Leprechauns.

>>377520
Your family is dicks. There's nothing wrong with wanting to do manual labor, and you certainly shouldn't feel bad about it.

>>377521
Then it was a lame joke that ran on for far too long and worked its way into other plot points. (Like the clown-infatuated troll killing a few trolls and only being calmed by the main male troll as they're kimesis or whatever it was.)

>>377520
1. You're blowing it out of proportion.
2. Anyone who thinks being a legit mechanic is a negative thing is being straight-up retarded. It's a stable, practical job. Some people might sling barbs your way, but 10 bucks says they're bitter over wasting time and money on a degree with no pay off.

>>377532
This.

>>377520
> a mechanic is so unrespectable
Wait, what? It's not seen as a glamorous job, sure, but I've never seen a good mechanic go without respect. Engines are a huge part of our lives, we wouldn't be able to work as a society without a practical mechanic servicing (and often improving) our machines.

> It makes me feel terrible to think about how fucking low-class I'd seem to people in STEM fields.
As someone with not just a college degree (Bachelor's) in a STEM field (Computer Science) with a STEM job (systems integration and development), you have my full support in becoming any kind of mechanic you like. Society's push on everyone going to college is a bad idea, IMO; even if everyone was college capable (and they're not; not saying you aren't, only that college isn't for everyone), we'd still need those who would apply practical, manual labor like mechanics, gardeners, food service, etc.

Also another STEM BA (biology) with a STEM job plus starting a PhD in microbiology for reference.

Fuck the haters, 'poke.

>>377520

Didn't I answer this question for you earlier? People look down on everything that's not STEM on the internet, in spite of the fact that they probably use services made by non-STEM people on a daily basis. Also, people on the internet seem to suffer from some sort of weird complex where they have to shit on people that didn't study what they studied. Some of these people have a fucking laundry list of reasons that people don't study STEM (they're lazy, they're too stupid, and so on and so forth). I'm no psychologist, but I'd say it comes as a result of people a) needing to feel superior to others, b) miserable people trying to convince themselves that their choice was the right one or c) dicks. Probably that last one.

>we'd still need those who would apply practical, manual labor like mechanics, gardeners, food service, etc.

Mm-hmm. I've thought about this (mostly for my writing...English major speaking here). What happens when we get robots to do everything for us? We can't just have a continuous chain of robots doing maintenance on robots. A person has to come in somewhere.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

I found this highly relevant. I'm at the "get meds" part of the description; I have no idea if I'll ever start really using emotions again.

>>377537
> A person has to come in somewhere.
Given a continually advancing society, though, that person will eventually have to be in STEM. Someone that inputs requirements, and then a computer creates the design and the programming that will be printed and put together by another robot, which will be transported by yet another robot, and monitored by another robot for serviceability, and so on.

But once we get to that point, we'll also be at a point where the majority of the people won't have to work at all, because robotic farming and manufacturing will be so cheap and widespread that money doesn't serve much of a point in basic necessities. There will still be mechanics, but they'll be hobbyists and tinkerers or will maintain antique cars.

Also by the time we get to this point we'll likely have had a few very bloody revolutions over capitalism. All of this is at least a few decades off, if not longer, but we will get there barring a second Dark Ages.

In any case, a mechanic will be a respectable, though perhaps not high-paying, job for some time to come, and Slowpoke should definitely pursue that if he's interested. I wish more people would focus on trades they enjoy rather than do the college route in the hopes of $$$$.

>>377537
We won't ever. Humans perform tasks that robots can barely dream of. Most robots still struggle with stairs.

I failed out of 2 universities trying to study computer science. I don't grasp enough of the science to actually have a real, graduating job in my field. I'm stuck at a low-wage paper-pushing job with no prospects and the creeping fear that whatever I do with my life, I will still have to struggle upwards.

It can be a blow to the ego to slum it with people in a higher social strata than you. But calm your fears. Rich or poor, the only thing that matters about money is that you have it. Auto-repair is a service industry that will nearly never run out of work, though like computers, you should probably be prepared for it to change very rapidly. The trick is to never let yourself sink into monotony; never become truly bored by what you do. Tire of it, take a break, invest yourself in other interests in your life, but always try to find something interesting about it.

The pay is not amazing in such jobs but it is relatively steady, and that can be blessing unto itself. Especially if your girlfriend will be attending such an intensive college, she may not always have time to be a breadwinner, and loans do nothing for material comforts and everyday needs. After college? She'll be an amazing breadwinner, probably earn more than you. She'll also have a lot of debt. It may not play out exactly like that, but you have a chance to be a real support for her and ensures she graduates with the best education possible.

>>377539
>We won't ever.
O ye of little faith; we most certainly will, it's just a question of time. The same doubts were there for flight, autos, space missions, etc.

In fact, all of the necessary tech exists, it's just prohibitively expensive at the moment and disjointed. Proper A.I. might be the only thing lacking, but many repetitive tasks don't need true A.I., just complex rule sets. Now it's a matter of maturation, perhaps a few breakthroughs here and there to speed that up.

>>377540
you overestimate our ability to create artificial workers using limited resources. There will always be a place for tinkerers, doctors, and service workers. Robots can cut down on the cost and remove a lot of the complexity. The point where they are sufficiently advanced enough to be autonomous as to require absolutely no human intervention is incredibly far off. In his lifetime, 'poke may see an entirely new type of engine emerge; that does not invalidate the known history of automotive repair or his individual experience, but it does require adaptation. As the tech evolves, it only really replaces service line jobs. It changes the nature of the business, yes, but it does not stop the business and it does not remove expertise in a field. But the true expert should know that whatever field they get into, it has to change.

http://bootiebabe.com/shop1.html You can now paint your nails with a butt. Finally.

So, the only legitimate "fake geek girl" I've ever known?

Obsessed with the Joker, made comic book club all about her, pretty sure she alienated all the other women who came to club?

Turns out she lives in the city I'm moving to. Across the country.

Mother. Fucker.

>>377544
To be fair I was a total cunt back then, so maybe I misjudged her or she's changed, too. I just worry since geek social circles tend to be small.

Sage for triple posting.

>open up instant messenger
>people will talk to me if they have anything worth saying
>WAIT!
>nobody works like that
>you have to make the connection yourself
>so I will reach out
>have nothing worth saying
>oh now i get it

>>377537
>What happens when we get robots to do everything for us? We can't just have a continuous chain of robots doing maintenance on robots. A person has to come in somewhere.
As automation advances, now jobs will arise that weren't possible or even imaginable before the technology existed. For example, there's less call now for people to do simple addition now that we have calculators and computers. But once that technology arose, the new job of programmer became necessary to tell those computers what to add, and to "teach" them how to apply the lower math computers are good at to questions of higher math.

But before computers existed, no one could've foreseen the need for programmers, so if you asked someone back then "Won't the economy be ruined because all those add-monkey jobs will be gone?" would never have been able to say "No, there will be programming jobs in place of those add-monkey jobs."

Also--while it is feasible that computers might eventually learn to be creative and thereby make additions to Culture, you've got to remember that Neil Gaiman quote:

>Saying that we have enough artists is like saying we have enough scientists, we have enough designers, we have enough politicians — we have enough politicians — but, you know, nobody gets to be you except you. Nobody has your point of view except you. Nobody gets to bring to the world the things that you get to bring to the world — uniquely get to bring to the world — except you. So, saying that there are enough writers out there, enough directors out there, enough people with points of view. Well yeah, there are, but none of them are you. And none of those people is going to make the art that you are going to make. None of them is going to change people and change the world in the way that you could change it. So if you believe somebody that says, “no, no, we’ve got enough of those,” then all it means is that you are giving up your chance to change the world in the way that only you can change it.

Basically, even if computers get to be as good or even better than you at whatever task you're working on, they won't have your voice. Robots might one day write an amazing new novel. But they won't write The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Only Douglas Adams could've written that. It's not about skillset, it's about perspective. And everyone's perspective is unique.

So at the very least, there'll always be a place for creative work from humans, even if robots begin competing with us for attention at some point.

>>377544
Uh...she doesn't also happen to like Iron Man & Robert Downy Jr?

And Heath Ledger?

>forced to live with psychotic mother
>still visit father once a week
>she threatens to kick me out if I go this week and says she's allowed to force me in this manner because Mother's Day

Fuck this bitch's entitlement. I wasn't even planning to go this week on account of it falling on Mother's Day, but the way she barged into my room and screamed that I had no choice but to stay here with her or I'd be thrown out itches me in all the wrong places.

I woke up this morning and found the cat sitting on my front lawn. He's not supposed to be outside for at least another four days, until his medication runs out. But there he is, roaming the neighborhood and crying for me to let him in.

I'm gonna burn these fucking people's house down.

>>377549
I graduated right as the Iron Man movie came out, so no idea. Yes on Heath Ledger.

Also I've kind of suspected you of being one of the dudes from that club before oh shit.

Aw man guys, thanks for the support. ;_;
I felt a lot better about it after I slept on it, I guess it was a combination of insecurity and stress that's been buildin' for a while.
Thank you all for the reassurance, though. Means a lot, sincerely.
>>377537
>Didn't I answer this question for you earlier?
Yeah, that was when it was about my family tellin' me to lie in interviews though, and was more about curiosity since I've always thought mechanics were cool-ass dudes, this was about feeling inadequate.

>>377550
Get out ASAP.

>>377550
>>377568
People in this situation know they need to get out. The problem is when you try and put one foot in front of the other, and your antagonist has the power to yank the rug out from underneath you and conveyor belt you back to where you started, you either need a miracle or people who give a fuck to help.

Babyboomers are the worst people.

>>377551
Save that kitty, Dan. Save him.

>>377550
And again we return to the idea.

>>377551
Take a picture, save cat, file report.

>>377566
Slowpoke, you are a good chap, no girl could want for more.

>>377545
I can't see you having to worry too much, it's a whole city.

it is so goddamn cold

>>377581
I can keep you warm, baby.

>>377582
Oh my.

>>377552
Unless you've lived in NYC for the past 15 years, you're thinking of the wrong guy.

And I'm probably thinking of the wrong girl...

>>377585
This was 5-6 years ago in NYC.

#2many Venkmans

I blocked a guy on facebook a couple weeks ago for being a crazy anti-semite, among other things. He was also trying to get all his friends to spam Toni Morrison's email in some creepy bid to get an article published in the Washington Post. He thought it had gotten rejected because of racist power structures in journalism; having read his article, I can say with little doubt that it got rejected because it was poorly written and nonsensical. When I left the group he immediately messaged me asking why I had left. Then I blocked him. Just today, he emailed me trying to open up a dialogue. I'm starting to get seriously uncomfortable.

You can read the entire gripping saga of the anti-semitism debacle here: http://imgur.com/a/sQXEA. Crazy guy's posts are in bright red.

>>377588
dammit, the period wasn't supposed to be included in that link
http://imgur.com/a/sQXEA

>>377589
You forgot to blank out his phone number, broham.

People like him are a big part of why I'm glad I went the science route in college.

>>377590
Fuck, where did he post his phone number?
Well, good for you, I guess, but I went the literature route and I don't regret it. There are crazy people in every major, like this CS fedora I know who actually believes that anything non-science has no practical use at all and that there's no way anyone not in science could ever be working hard. People like that are a big part of why I'm glad I went the literature route.

>>377590
Never mind, I blacked it out. Thanks for catching that!

Family told me they think I need anti-depressants earlier. Not even as an insult during a fight like they usually say, just kind of a statement. Didn't think it was that noticeable/bad.
Scared of medication tho.
>>377589
That's so absolutely terrible that it's hilarious.
Like, it's really, really bad, but there's humor in how ridiculous it is.

>>377590
Also, this guy was on track to go to med school until he got into an MFA program. So...he was crazy in science as well.

>>377590
>>377594

Something that's interesting to point out: the scientific community has nutjobs from what I noticed. Sometimes these people are nutjobs in ways that are unrelated to their fields, but still nutjobs nonetheless.

Science may be about seeking objective truths, but it's still spearheaded by humans, who can be very subjective and irrational creatures.

>>377593

Talk to your doctor. If your family is in support of it, that's a good thing if you do end up on meds. Support is one hell of a drug!...I could have stated that differently.

>Is actually on antidepressants himself

Oh, I know the sciences have obnoxious idiots, too. It's just, for me, a whole lot easier to blow off fedoras than folks who argue that basic critical thinking skills are imperialist/racist/whatever. I've also never met a science nutjob who made it all the way to professor, but I've had to suffer through a couple humanities courses led by dudes slinging similar rhetoric as Anon's acquaintance.

And the thing with the US med school track? You don't have to major in science to go to med school; you just need to take a few courses that are barely above upper level high school classes. The one similar crazy I knew in the sciences was also pre-med. Not sure why, since she thought that biotech was evil and that most medicine is white people poison.

(Not being a fedora and shitting on humanities. Most of my friends in college were language or art majors for a reason. I've had more outstanding non-science professors than ones in my major. Plus I minored in German lit, etc...)

all this psychoanalysis and evopsych what the fuck /baw/ i thought we were colleagues

PS. Brain drugs are pretty great, Slowpoke. Good luck!

Having now spent a year back in NYC, I think I can say that aside, from a few conveniences, I have no love for this place. Maybe it's because I've spent years in rural Virginia, but the city politics here seem to unsettle me more than crowds these days. That and the subway system.

>>377589
What the fuck is this "signifying" thing the crazy guy keeps talking about? What does signifying have to do with redefining a loaded word? If I went on a rant about how murder is something more people should do because murder makes you feel good, and by "murder" I mean "hugging," am I, uh, "employing signification"?

I am so confused about all of this.

>>377604
The few times I visited NYC, one of my favorite things about it was the subway. I loved the thrill and novelty of it all; being underground, on a train, rather than driving around everywhere myself. I even loved walking down the streets for this reason, since everything was so close and the buildings were tall and decorative wherever I looked. It was exhilarating in a foreign way. That said, I'm not sure if I would have as much love for it if I had to live with it everyday.

Man, I am back home for the summer, God lord the true wretchedness of this place never fails to amaze me, walk into a Tim Horton and half the poor patrons are drooling on themselves, sewage STILL running into the river along with the run off from the mill.

And then the mayor turns around and wonders why we have the highest illiteracy, are the fattest, most disabled and most elderly population in the province while somehow in his alcohol poisoned mind thinking we are a tourist destination rather than a fishing community with no jobs because the mill and shit contaminated all the fish.

Fish, Which the people still eat resulting in our lovely statistics such as a 1 in 52 sever motor impairment rate from some bizarre phenomena that looks NOTHING like mercury poisoning.

I just gotta get through 4 months here without getting into trouble.

>>377615

OR become the new Mayor.

Tiki for King of Canada.

>>377615
Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism…

>>377616
Tried, best I got was city planning and I got backstabbed super hard on converting the old bomb shelters into school houses and they pulled an old by-law to have me out of office on the grounds of my criminal record.

And the reason why is a local douche who has his eye on buying the airport for dirt cheap, fucking all two planes it has; the Miramichi is full of these dirt bags who are content to be big fish in little ponds, s'why we have 32 car dealerships, these fucks thrive on keeping taxes low.

>>377621
Pretty much.

>>377520
Anyone in the STEM fields who can't respect a mechanic is a colossal faggot up their own ass. A mechanic gets to work on and play around with the very things an engineer likes to deal with.

It pays a very respectable amount, and the "blue collar" stigma only exists in some parts of the country.

>>377587
Definitely not me, then. I've stopped schooling around 2002 & started my current job in 2007.

>>377579
>>377580
I'm gonna have to wait a bit. Neighborhood gossip says they let the cat out to try and catch us taking him again. We let him stay for a while and sent him back home for now. In a week or two when they're used to him roaming again we'll snatch him up.

I'm gonna find that cat a damn home that isn't with those bastards even if it kills me.

>>377537
Even worse for STEM people: What happens if we reach that point?

Seriously, if we actually /do/ reach a level where labor is automated, where's that leave them? I mean, if we actually reach that, and get to share in the abundance, and robots take care of all the technology who's going to need these people anymore?

>>377636
I was going to say. Is 'mechanic' really looked down on ANYWHERE?
Any cultural region that appreciates NASCAR, at least, has to respect mechanics. That leaves the bible belt and the backwaters out. And it deals with enough science, physics and math that..
I'm at a loss. Who the fuck sees mechanics on the same level as janitors?

I wish my parents would wake up and realize it's still socially acceptable to wear a t-shirt almost anywhere.

>>377639
Phew.

>>377580
Like I said, geek social circles tend to be a Venn diagram. I constantly run into people who turn out to know other friends of mine who live on the other side of this very densely populated state. vOv

>Meet two guys dating, Guys A and B
>Like both, but A is far more aggressive in asking me out, so naturally spend more time with him
>Eventually fall in love
>Oh shit, I'm engaged! I need a job for a ring and income and what have you
>Remember person B was always raving about this company he worked for that shipped employees, and their loved ones, out of their state and all around the US to program shit
>Apply, fly down to the SouthWest for an interview, and get the job!
>As soon as I get back Guy A proposes to me, I accept.
>Since I need more inside info on the company, contact person B (who has a bf now) to see if we could hang out and I could poke at his brain about the company
>We usually get drunk after a while and end up falling asleep cuddling while watching movies
>This happens every two weeks or so, and eventually I realize I'm in love with B as well
>Person B finds out his own bf was cheating on him, confides in me and I show him various other profiles of his that I know of, several of which indicated a preference for no condom sex. I don't know if I did this out of good intentions or if I was sabotaging their relationship out of jealousy. A little bit of both probably.
>B confides in me that he and his bf got in a drunken brawl, and that B ended up driving drunk home. B is mad at his bf for letting him drive in such a state. I comfort him as best as I can.
>We end up cuddling in bed again, except I drunkenly tell him that I love him, and B says that he's known for a while that he loves me
>We have sex then, and it's fantastic. Better than with person A, who has trouble staying hard because of various physical problems.
>Now the company is shipping me off away from B, and he's trying to patch things up with his bf. We sent each other sappy good byes, and I'm spending all week in tears listening to sad Radiohead tracks and other sentimental bullshit
This sucks. At this point I guess we just have to keep in touch at a distance, sending each other constant texts and photos of our travels, but I want more. I want guys A and B, even though both believe in strict monogamy.

This would be far easier if I could blame anyone but myself for re-engaging conversations with Guy B and being a general whore, but alas I cannot.

>>Google search why Pandora is flooding me with Spanish ads
>>Go to second result
>>It's a sports forum
>>First post says 'What the hell? This is 'Merica, speak English.' Amused at sarcasm
>>Oh wait he means that seriously

I could really use a drug addiction. I'm thinking alcohol.

>>377394
this
especially when you don't have someone to guide you or hold your hand

this has been the hardest 48 hours i've had in probably 4 years. a lot of self-exploration. it's worth it.

So in a god damned ridiculous effort to save money on electricity, my mother listened to that aging family friend that used to babysit me when I were a child. She claimed she saved $50.00 a month just by unplugging her television when she wasn't watching it.
I wake up this morning and discover my younger brother, probably at her direction, unplugged the surge protector from the wall. The one housing the Playstation 2 and the Dish Network box, as well as that six year old large screen television. Our television, when plugged in, makes some sort of electronic 'click click click click click' noise and the little red light that flicks on to let you know it's receiving power blinks right along with it. I fiddled with the cord, I fiddled with the outlets on the surge protector. All of them appear to be working fine. It's the television that is fucked.

So my family destroyed a perfectly good 32" television by trying to save a dollar or two a month from 'vampire' power. And I know damned well this unfortunate circumstance is going to be used as justification for giving me a hard time later, when it becomes just another reason to get up my ass, angry about their own lives.

I hate these people. Can't fucking leave well enough alone. But maybe the lack of a Livingroom Television Set will do them some fucking good. Maybe they'll save enough money not watching TV to afford a new one by this Christmas.

>>377694
Actual addict here, it's not too cool.

>>377689
hello friend.

This is a great and beautiful and heavy and real thing. I cannot offer you any answers, wisdom, or words in place of them, and I wouldn't if I could. I just want to thank you for sharing.

>>377702
How is it beautiful?
Just out of curiosity.

>>377703
real honest human connection even in its tragedy and complication is so very beautiful

>>377694
drug exploration is wonderful and eye-opening.
don't do it, tremaine. life on and off drugs will both feel wrong and no amount of sobriety or consumption will change that.

>>377705
I guess I can't really consider infidelity beautiful in any sense of the word, but opinions and all that.

>>377705
thank you anon, for saying this for me.

>>377706
the thing with drugs is most of the greatest parts of drugs are things that were inside of you all along~. The heavier mind-altering/chemical inducing drugs just break down more walls. The idea is to figure out your shit before you do drugs, and then the drugs to explore these new ideas by being in altered states of thought and time. Or just really high.

If you're going to drugs remember to be a chill bro and enjoy yourself, no one wants to be a sad high piece of shit!

>>377708
you're welcome, friend.

>>the thing with drugs is most of the greatest parts of drugs are things that were inside of you all along~

Thank you for saying this. I don't do drugs myself, never had the desire to, but there are artists I look up to and admire who do, and once people found out they did drugs, everything creative and inspired they released was attributed entirely to alcohol or weed. As if they had no inherent artistic talent unless inebriated. And that pissed me off.

>>377714
this is more a comment than a judgment, but it seems you've had a long standing concern about feeling authentically

it's in my mind that there's no right way to feel. there's only how you do, and the acceptance of that... especially if it's different from how you perceive other people to feel... gives you an amazing kind of freedom. i think you've been exploring that quite a bit. that's what it sounds like.

i'm not making any suggestions because i'm not making and judgments. just some thoughts.

if you do start using more chemicals, start with some target ones. especially using pablo's advice. i might even start you with small doses of ecstasy.

>>377694
no, not addiction. addiction means being a slave. be a user, not an addict.

speaking of drugs, I've been avoiding just about everything but weed and cigarettes these days. I need to untangle the wires in my head. I want my energy and passion for living back.

Maybe it isn't good for me to look to drugs for this kind of thing, but it helps so much. It gives me guidance, it helps straighten out the paths, it allows me to look forward and back with greater clarity. I'm sick of just standing around in a black and white world, I need some fucking color in here.

You okay, Larry?

>>377689
>>377707
Everyone immediately jumps to the cheating/infidelity/NTR assumption about these sorts of things, especially men, because jealousy can be intense over such admittances.

But the simple fact is that there's a myriad of ways that people express affection and intimacy, and a physical connection with a different person that you love does not invalidate feelings for the first person. People get so wrapped up over infidelity because they feel betrayed, but really a person only shies away if they feel that their needs are not being met within the relationship by the offended party. The thing is is that infidelity happens; sometimes a person is sick of their S.O., sometimes they just love someone else, and that connection in and of itself is special, and doesn't change anything about their relationship with the first person.

There are some couples out there that exist in "open" relationships, where either partner can bring any other partner to bed, but they have to tell their S.O. and possibly share that person. It's not an easy lifestyle but the sex can get pretty amazing.

But the immediate reaction of most people would be to label the offending person a whore and tut disapprovingly. And that's not fully necessary. My mother has referred to one or 2 gentlemen over the years who, while not my father, I get the distinct impression that I could've been a whole different person. Still keeps contact with them. It's not as unusual as you might think, and I wouldn't beat yourself up over it too much, especially if person b is trying to get back with their BF. It was a moment of fleeting beauty, and it doesn't seem like the kind that would turn into much. I don't know if I'd tell your current squeeze about it unless person b re-enters your life in a more significant way.